group home will ukulele john cremona

go somewhere where austin is living and it is like a group home and almost like my grandmother is living there, there is a long hallway that has a kitchen and a social area and all the rooms are connected to that

will shows up there and his girlfriend is there with him and i love his girlfriend and she is really sweet and nice and kooky and trying to do some kind of experiment in the bathroom, she seems very young like a little kid

and will is there and we are really getting along and i can tell he loves me and the girlfriend doesn't seem to mind but he is touching me through my clothes and im suprised the girlfriend seems so cool and doesn't mind and wonder if they are broken up and just friends now

but its clear if we were alone it would be different it would be more

its some kind of party at the group home


then im on the street with a ukulele with john cremona in new york and we go into this little wooden divey music bar (maybe its the bitter end) and a girl with a guitar sings a song

and i run out because i want to write the song down and try to do the same thing on ukulele but i just run to the other side of the bar not outside and when i come back john cremona is outside and said he cant take the vibe in there in not so many words

and i go back in and there is a short man with a mustache or a goattee asking for a cover charge now and i say i left my wine in there cuz i did (red wine) and he is grabbing me by the arm immediately and barely lets me in to get the wine so i see how the vibe changed and i go find my wine and a guy there is about to pick it up and i say 'thats my wine' and take it and he is very hurt by this and i apologize several times to him

then jonathan and laura garvey show up in the room and they are with this guy (and i vaguely realize the guy is supposed to be matt lawrence and maybe is hurt that i didnt recognize him ? and where did this come from?-- possibly from talking to his mom in waking life who works at the public library ?)

and then sitting in a circle on the floor with jonathan and laura garvey and matt lawrence and then laura garvey wants to teach me some traditional song on ukulele and my ukulele had only 2 strings and i pick it up and a string falls off so it has only one string

and i go outside to talk to john cremona 

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I GO TO will's house with tyrone, like we are on tour or something... and there is one big room with multiple big beds but i feel like will is sleeping near the floor somewhere, i have one big bed and tyrone has one big bed...

its morning and wills girlfriend is there and she is asian and quiet , going around the apartment and i guess i am there somehow to go see will perform and she is saying will will stay at her apartment tonight but then no because he has his textile weaving class in the morning and i see he has a bunch of thick quilted rugs he must be working on

i see the venue for some recital, a repressed (maybe not the right word) stage and seating area i am seeing from above looking over a balcony, empty

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IM AT some kind of boarding house that reminds me of my grandmother's house in south boston, but maybe run by someone like asian lady therapy, cant quite place who is running it, looks like an older thin woman with short grey hair, she reminds us that she usually only boards people who are seeing her for physical therapy so that we should say that we are renting a room so no one thinks/knows we are guests there...alvan has just left and she is standing in a door way filled with pop art... actually i think she is michelle williams (who i saw on the busy phillips show last night)

 and im talking to her and then someone dressed in beautiful layers of clothes like tapestries with a scarf over her face and followed by a man dressed similarly with a scarf over his face comes down the hallway and i feel like i know this person intimately and reach out and touch them and its Lisa Vanderpump and Ken and she says hello like she knows me and i tell her she looks so beautiful because she does.

SITTING in the front row of a movie theater with will and holding his hand and happy giddy kind of talking to him and his parents are in the row behind us 

I am with Will and I don't know how or where I find him but we are together like we are morphing into one almost. He is sweet and innocent and loves me. We are cradling each other. I feel happy and warm. It is more love than sexual.

Someone is trying to make me do something like write something down in a workbook of sorts or go through a workbook maybe but I know its already been done or is all messed up inside. It is me and someone else. I knew before but I forget now.

Lots of things, ok. So part of it is that I am with Mr. Bohan for some reason and he re-reads me like every card I've ever written and points out where things get sloppy. He is sort of advising me, sort of patronizing me in a way. What is Lindsay doing? I tell her about it. I am at their house which is sort of like a condo on a dark street and then I am on the dark street. Right before I wake up I am standing outside a venue or something where Will is inside and he sees me and I am self conscious because I know I have come there alone and he was not expecting me to and possibly I have traveled far...

Ok, middle dream (I think); There is a big art show in Charleston like Kulture Klash but there are more women involved, its going on during the day time, and it seems a bit classier. I am a student or at least involved in a young student-y way. I come in knowing I have some stuff in the show and am suprised by all the women and vaguely charleston people working there who come up to me...a woman says that she has never sold so much work at one time ( at this event) nor has she had as many comments as to "how brilliant" the work is. I am totally agape at the whole thing. I become an instantaneous art star...someone who seems kind of like john maccallum comes up to me delivering a message from this other guy artist (he looks like seth corts and paints a bit like tim hussey maybe and is apparently rich and famous off his art) inviting me to go on an "art tour" with him- all expenses paid with nice hotels...basically in the dream i become a rock star for painting and then afterwards I go to Lindsay's house where her Dad points out all my failures to me.

Will is in the dream and it seems to be mostly about us getting together? Or him coming to rescue me or something like that

I am on a trip with my family on a cruise boat. THere is some kind of big party going on or about to happen. I am looking for Will and I can see him standing outside, (I'm not sure how there is an outside if we are on a cruise ship...we might actually be in a hotel in new york). MY DAD MAKES ME COME OVER TO A TABLE WHERE he starts talking about this guy or this guy he introduces me to starts talking about something and I have to be polite and listen but all I CAN THINK OF IS RUNNING OUTSIDE to see Will...he wasn't supposed to come I think and maybe does not know that I AM there. I WANT TO RUN OUTSIDE AND TALK TO him and am getting very frustrated that I HAVE TO listen to whatever bullshit is going on.

i have a dream inside my dream or something of will wearing a ridiculous outfit. i am at a party with andrea mcgrath and we areupstairs in what looks like my brothers room but is supposed to be nathan morena's room, it is the three of us and some other kid with an afro? i think. me and andrea are sitting on the bed, there are more people downstairs. nathan morena and his friend are doing drugs. i just want to smoke pot but it seems like no one is going to smoke pot. i have my vyvanse prescription and only two pills left and im not trying to take them but somehow the last one gets wet and splits apart (maybe this is because of guilt over nanny having too many pills at once?) so i have to rol it up with rolling papers. i dont want them to see because they are doing so many drugs. i get a little bit fucked up but not as much as nathan and his friend who are makin g me very uncomfortable. andrea mcgrath just keeps laughing. finally i get downstairs and see a girl next to the counter who looks like beth except her eyes are like red exes but then she says my name and it really is beth. i am very relieved. shortly after that lindsay comes in and the three of us are going to go outside and smoke pot but THEN from the other corner of the kitchen wall walks over and he is wearing the outfit i dreamed of him wearing which is ridiculous, sortof like a bee costume with a striped shirt and bowtie and short shorts and then really big elfish banana yellow shoes. i go with him into a garage area where there is a line of desks and computers or something like that? hes either trying to show me something or we are trying to get it on. afterwards we leave and go somewhere else or its been a really long time and i feel bad for not returning to beth and lindsay.


i also dream at some point there is some cauliflower like root growing out of my stomach. i pinch part of it off.

somehow i get involved with jimmy fallon. it is something like we go on a trip and he is there and i meet him and sortof tell him i am in love with him and then he is in love with me too. his mother is there. we keep walking around in a big group. jonathan might be there too. i am aware that i am supposed to be involved with someone else, maybe will. when we first get there he has a girlfriend but she is really young, like 16, and not that smart so I don't feel too bad about taking jimmy away from her. we may be at an amusement park. me and jimmy fallon are connected at the hip and never seperate from one another. we make out a lot. he thinks all the things i think are funny and he is so fun and cheerful to be around. i really think we are in love. in the morning some number calls me with a 917 area code (real life) and i think it is probably jimmy calling me and go back to sleep. at the end of the dream i have gotten my period somehow or am bleeding and i've gotten blood all over everything and i am terrified that jimmy and everyone is going to find out and am thinking how i can clean everything up. then i remind myself this couldn't possibly be real and i don't need to deal with it because its a dream. i think i woke up after that.

i walk into a dark room where people i know are watching a movie. i sit down next to will, who is there,and he puts his arm around me. when the lights go on everyone knows we are together. it feels nice.

i dream that me and anson are in his bed and have just had sex and are both naked. then will comes in and and sits down and me and him have sex. i sortof forget that anson is still there and i sortof dont notice we're having sex and think maybe no one else is noticing. then afterwards i feel bad and sit down in the room and start talking to anson. will sits up and keeps falling asleep and snoring. anson says something about how he has timing like me and i say yeah like fucking retarted and i mean it affectionately but will wakes up and has just heard me talking about him and doesnt get how i meant it.

last three nights smushed together because i've been dreaming too much

i am on a trip with my parents, i see cliff peacock he is telling me what to do with my life, i forget what he tells me, somewhere i see the large hairy caterpillars a woman was talking about on npr the other day, i want to phone in and tell them that she wasn't mistaken, that the caterpillars really do have hair, short bristly hair. they are black and white. i am trying to find will at another point. i think i want to sleep with him. i can't find him. anson tells me he has read his horoscope in the city paper (scorpio) it advised him to giggle like a tipsy sagittarious. he sees all the same connections i thought of when i saw it. we have a good time together. we are alone. i dream i am living with nane in south boston. she is sitting at the chair nearest the porch in the kitchen. she is muttering to herself. chelsea gives me advice on something, i forget now. i see someone else, maybe bret lott.

my family goes on a trip to a special cove like place that is sort of like iceland or antartica, it is all white and snowy and centered around an ocean, only it isn't cold. everyone lives in little houses that are cut into the cliffs. al gore is there giving a speech about hating his wife and being upset that there is no coffee shop there. he is wearing nail polish. i am there with my parents and will and two other people with us. will is strong and picks me up a lot. he can hold me over his head. we lay down by the water for a long time. we eat dinner with my parents and they leaver and i go to get wine but the clock says its only 4 30 even though it feels very late. i go into the basement and in the refrigerator there are security cameras and i see myself on the screen, sitting in the basement. later on, i remember i have to go to check on the apartments of madame bellafont (maybe?) i think i have had to do this in dreams before. i remember she was going away and i was supposed to check the apartment. this is in paris though, and somewhere in the dream my parents and i fly to paris. i am smoking a cigarette when i gto into her apartment and i put it out on the rug. when i come back from looking around, i have burnt i white line into her rug. i cover it up with a piece of grey cloth and i hear the door open. madame belafonte comes in and is nice although i think she is usually not nice. then jarod charsewski comes in and i find out he is staying at the little icelandic cove with his wife. i look at him again and i realize he isnt wearing any clothes. a few people make jokes about this and he is pretty casual about it.

dream digression- 9-17-09

i am at ginas house there is one young girl who is her daughter(ish) a horse, will graefe writes me an illustrated note (maybe it has a unicorn on it) it says i love you for right now--just kidding, i love you forever- i am in a horoscope class with preston- the teacher starts with me, going into a long explanation, preston interrupts & cuts her short in order to start talking about him, i get very angry & am extremely cruel to preston, afterward i feel bad about this

october 15th 2009 (night before arents come)

first we are going on some wierd sort of m0ountain danger adventure where you ick the levels on a train, it i me someone else and matt and i am scared and have never been wherever it is we are going before, then there is this house in the middle of nowhere, will is there and i introduce him to my friends, i think i show him something i have been doing, he want sot become an artistn and is working on transarency, he talks about what he waqnts to do but cant figure out and says i dont want you to hel me, then we are in some kind of desert on some animal tye tri, there is a monkey and then we are in the desert with a -ack of gorillas and the tour guide says how the gorilla once blew u a lot of the worlds natural resources by hugging a cannon, some of the same cannon (they are urigth) are around the desert and further into the tour eole start hitting them casually, as if laying gorilla russian roulette, then either erin fitzgibbons or rachel from alexs rogram in -aris goes u and hugs the gorilla after the tour guide is talking about their odd body language and how you have to be careful, the gorilla hugs her back though and lets go then i am at an after school rogram at the town halll and michelle granara is therre, john also works there, and at the end will and brandon walk by in swim trunks i am cleaning u and utting joints and crayons next to each other in a box michelles granara lays on the couch,eole are imressed i have the time to volunteeer here in the room me and michelles are in in the last moment there is a large ainting of a cartoon alligator