FROM THE PAST WEEK

SEE HOWARD STERN IN A ALMOST MINIVAN SIZE JEEP WITH A BIG BIRD HEAD IN IT AND DRUMS, AN OPEN BACK AREA AND I CAN SEE THROUGH THE WINDOWS ALL THIS COSTUME /PROP STUFF LIKE DISGUISES FOR HOWARD I GUESS AND HE IS SLUMPED DOWN IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND BETH O IS DRIVING THE CAR AND I AM REMEMBERING KKK TELLING ME THIS IS HOW HE GETS AROUND OR THAT HE WEARS DISGUISES AND THIS IS IN CAMBRIDGE NEAR HARVARD SQUARE

THANKSGIVING HAPPENS AT OUR HOUSE AND KEITH IS THERE AND BRANDON IS A BABAY AND THERE ARE ALL THESE PUPPIES LIKE LITTLE GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPIES... THEN THANKSGIVING IS OVER AND MY ASIAN LADY THERAPIST IS LIVING IN THE HOUSE AND SHE HAS TWO CHILDREN THAT SEEM LIKE STRANGERS TO HER THAT SHE DOESNT QUITE KNOW HOW TO CARE FOR IT SEEMS AND I AM THERE KIND OF LIKE AN AU PAIR OR SOMETHING AND PUTTING THE KIDS TO BED AND THEN WATCHING A.L.T. ALONE AT THE KITCHEN TABLE LIKE SHES NOT QUITE SURE WHAT TO DO , THERE IS A SOUND IN THE KITCHEN AND SHE ASKS ME WHAT IT IS AND IT TURNS OUT TO BE THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL WHICH HAS SOMEHOW BEEN LEFT RUNNING....

SEND UNDERWEAR (EMBARRASSING NOT SEXY) AND A PACKAGE WRAPPED IN NEWSPAPER TO UNBLEACHD SOMEHOW AND AM WATCHING HIM GET IT FROM AN OMNISCIENT NON PRESENT PERSPECTIVE AND HE TAKES THE UNDERWEAR AND PUTS IT ON OVER HIS JEANS AND THEN JUST STANDS THERE AND SMILES LIKE A WEIRDO

matt stearns talking to me through a line... asking me to go to the beach,,, to go to copley square and go to the beach there (somehow) and then im saying no and yelling at him and hes saying we could just walk on the beach somewhere else where its raining and i am saying no and yelling but coriander is there somehow and we are listening to it like its on a radio show...

its thanksgiving and brandon and christopher and wendy are there and all the animals (edna chloe lightly gilbie) and i guess i make a cage for gilbie outside in the old rabbit cages and then days pass and it rains, some time goes by and we dont know where gilbie is and i go outside and the rabbit cage cage i made for him is filled with mud and all wet and there are people out there i dont know doing something else too and gilbie is all wet with mud in the corner of the enclosure

and i pull him out and have a dread hes going to be dead but his eyes are big and blue and hes still alive and hes ok and i bring him inside and he dries off right away and starts running around and i notice him and the cats are the same size (more hamster size than cat size) and chloe is running after them and they are all playing in erik's room

12/18/16

big kind of thanksgiving party going on at my house. lots of people animals and things everywhere.

leslie is sitting at a picnic table outside by herself in the midst of the party.

she is wearing a wedding dress with her head in one hand and just kind of staring at a point in space.

i keep looking over at here from the crowd im in. my mom comes over and tells me to do something,

to pay attention to someone.

i go upstairs bc maybe i am needing to roll a joint or get a drink. i go in my room. i think its a mess.

i see little rodents. it turns out they are gerbils which my mom got for a specific reason but im not sure what that is.

there may be 11 of them.

they are sick or something is needed for them. my mom takes each of them and squirts some kind of orange fluid

in them or on them so they all have a trail of orange fluid. they are running around.

they look like stuffed animals in a way, like stuffed squirrels.

they are always sitting straight up and never walking on all fours.

this is what makes them gerbils.

i take too long in my room or something and then my mom is there, somewhere.

she is holding a sponge and angry. she is about to sponge down an orange-yellow plastic

tablecloth & she is about to cut into me about something i did or did not do.


(wake up & it turns out that my dad is in the hospital again)

may 17

Something like thanksgiving going on at my parents house but maybe it's Halloween I am going yo have my own party or go to my own party- my parents are having people over/ they come back with Kenny and Kathy and others - my mom is in the kitchen and says I'm not allowed to use the plates for one month because of how I was them ( and nothing is working out with my party plans ) and I say BITCH ASSHOLE and my dad is cooking turkey in the oven and he takes out the turkey and rubs it on me and I am screaming and saying how I hate them all and how he is only doing that because he knows it's wrong and how I love the turkey more than him because the turkey never did anything and I mean it

Fall back into it and I am in a room that is antonias room with a girl Kelsey Ellington who is her roomate but I think antonias last name is Ellington Antonia isn't there but nemo is. The girl is kind of like the girl painting the lizard down the street from blanc gallery - she us making jewelery and has all these jewelry pieces- I guess she is friends with nemo- I feel like we are in Allston- I am doing something and kicking around shoes from underneath antonias bed trying to make room- this is how I know it is her room

coming back from some long kind of road trip

going to visit frankazoids mother we get in a bed with her

thanksgiving atmosphere

it seems like my parents bed and my parents bedroom

we are all holding beers i think and tying not to spill them maybe there is some spillage

maybe we are watching tv





frankazoid was holding this wire and it started shocking him and then it stuck to him and he couldn't get it off and he was gonna call tome for help but tun he thought no i wouldn't help him

he also dreamed he was the best man for his cousins wedding and he was late and he was fucked up and he was like 'why do i have to do this, i barely knew those peoples'

I have taken my medication and am feeling all speedy and out of place, starting to think the medication has fucked me up...it's thanksgiving or a thanksgiving type gathering is happening and I am trying to leave and get to New York. I get to New York and I want to stick up birds but the birds aren't ready yet. We start walking and end up walking out into the suburbs (which has happened before) and there is a lake down below us we can see from the road  we are on (more like a pond) I see an alligator in the pond and I want to go down but we don't. I am with Alex Johnson and Jonathan and Lindsay intermittently. Lindsay is sending me messages about what everyone else gave her for her wedding. I am trying to plot a way out of Thanksgiving at my parents house and eating some kind of ravioli. It falls on the carpet and I am eating it to get rid of it and my mother comes and tells me she was going to make more.

Talking to Cliff Peacock. We are on some kind of cruise ship that seems like the beginning of college and turns into Thanksgiving at parts. I am sitting at a table and Cliff is talking to some people and being funny and I'm listening. Then we are in some kind of studio, I have workup against one wall and some kid in the class is looking at it and asking about it. A disney pixar movie starts playing and one of the studio areas is curtained and roped off. When I go by its a hospital room and maybe the whole things a hospital too. When I'm not with Cliff it turns to Thanksgiving and I'm in the sun room and Kenny is talking about how many glasses of wine my mom has had as if 3 or more is a good sign. Lots of people are in the sunroom, little Michael. When I pass Cliff again its by a staircase and I ask him something about how things are going because hes been joking around and seems like things are going well but somethings wrong, he says something that seems like he's paying to get his child out of jail or something. We sit down facing each other and I notice hes gotten a long facial tattoo going from his right ear horizontally across his face kind of like a fish hook but hes not Cliff quite in the moment he's almost someone else. We are sitting on the top of the bleacher seats looking out to the edge where we can see the city of boston, tops of buildings and we watch them crumble and roll under the edge of the horizon.

First it was Thanksgiving or some kind of family get together time; Uncle kenny was there and Aunt Kathy I think and my mom and Dad. We had a manatee that started out like a sponge grow-a-manatee toy if there were a real live version. We put it in the bath tub and it got to big or all the water drained or the manatee soaked up all the water. I was walking around carrying the manatee until I think we found a bigger tub, more like a pool. There was a brief scene where I saw a larger manatee jump out of the water and hit a fence and had to be handled by my Uncle and other people- I don't think this was the same manatee, more like a flashback of another manatee incident.

Then I was driving with my mother and I left my bag or something in a parking lot near where we got on the highway and I had to keep driving back and forth on the highway to find the spot where I'd pulled over and left something. I was feeling heavy and tired and fat. Either I was eating a jar of peanut butter the whole time or that swas what I was looking for. We stopped into this toy store/ convenience store and were looking at these stickers that were supposed to be babysitters and they all said Janet on them. Then we found the spot and my mom said oh, i knew where that was the whole time.

I am in a large house like a mansion. First I am in my nomal house though. It is something like Thanksgiving. Anson is coming to my house and there is nothing I can do about it maybe and I am trying to keep it a secret from my parents. He will have to stay in the basement. I forget about this. Then lots of family starts showing up at the house and I am talking with relatives and getting white wine. Then the basement door starts banging around and busts open and out walks anson. he is balding and his head is shaved almost bald, he does not look so good. immediately i yell at my brother for locking him in the basement which i suddenly know he did. my mother is upset about the event but my dad just kind of jokes with me and says "well you know uncle gene wanted to bring his new girlfriend to spoleto" and then sort of doesthe rick joke-shrug at me. "what does that have to do with anything?" i say, but it makes me feel better that he isnt taking it as seriously.

ok, then i am in the mansiony house which is really really old and i live there with my family but mostly just my mom is there and nane is also there...then gramcracker is there! and i am like what the hey is going on. so i go to my mom aqnd im like i thought grammie was dead! and she is like yeah, well she is dead but she has this wierd sort of dead person alzheimers where she wakes up every now and again and acts like her old self and doesnt remember that she is dead. meanwhile nane is her old regular alzheimers self. grammy dances around and sings a teacup song and every little song she sings i try to sing too but i dont know the words and i dance around her while she sings them (this happens later tho at some sort of art show or exhibtion in a gymnasium/ auditorium) while we are still in the mansion house we walk over at some point to a bed (me mom nane and grammie) and on the bed are nane and grammies "dead" bodies, nane gets upset seeing grammie and also probably the dead bodies but grammie is really clueless. it is creepy though and i try to get everyone away from the dead bodies.

ok, and then i am at some sort of camp or something. something has gone wrong and we all have to sit underground in a hallway all day. it has to do with sharks. we get assigned to teams. maria is there and maybe we are in college. mr. devine seems t be the leader of sorts. we are waiting to get let out of the hallway. my team ends up going into a classroom filled with water in which there is a shark and something happens with the shark trying to bite us and we are all on some sort of raft or something together and we go around the classroom in circles with the shark snapping at us but no one gets bit. i believe because no one from the team gets bit we are then allowed to go home. it seems like maria and i are in charleston and it is a weekend night and we are trying to go out.