cav kids

yesterday;

go to CAV's fathers house, into a dark dark kitchen... and then his son is there ... and there is a cage on the table and its the sons cage and the son has a dirty diaper


last night;

go to a bright big semi- open house with CAV , guess its his ex wifes house, there is a woman kind of smiling staring at me, we are in the kitchen, shes at the end of the counter--

little girl madeline os sitting there and someone gives me string cheese ina packet and its like a block of cheese - orange and white - and the little girl madeline tells me how she feels about the cheese and how she eats it and i am eating the cheese

the young woman or some0one else is now right next to me to the left only she is a much older woman and i am wondering if this is CAV's ex-wife...

we go into a tv room and sit down on the floor and then a young woman comes into the room with a round face and brown hair and she is smiling and she starts talking to us about the kids, 

chris communal house keys ghosts mother art highschool

at some house where there is some kind of collective going on....

this girls mother died and there is some kind of mansion across the street and they want to make this into some kind of art house

and i am there helping, there with chris valverde

and he is into me i guess and i am relenting i guess,

the girl whose mother died comes up to me and puts about 20 keys into my back pocket

we are out in the backyard

they are small silver identical keys like they all do the same thing

im not sure why shes giving me so many keys but she is saying thank you like i have helped and she is glad im there

and i think mel is there and other people are there

there is a big long dining room, there is a kitchen, the place shifts

chris valverde is picking me up and throwing me over his head, the first time he does this i lean my weight back away from his back after im over his head and he has to sit down on the ground

he makes a joke

he keeps picking me up though and he is very tall and i am v small compared to him

he picks me up and holds me to the side by his shoulders like im a child and i hold on and start to think its nice

we go in to some type of shopping center at some point

then we are right out in the street and kelsey barton shows up with a backpack and a new boyfriend she wants me to meet before he has to leave and they want lobsters and we are in an old familiar

part of the city, boston i guess, then and we start down the street where there is some lobster place a block away and kelsey uses her backpack to slide down a banister

to get there

and before or after i shift back to the communal / art house

and chris valverde has been carrying me around and then he lets me down and i kind of rest my head on his head for a minute and then someone is right next to us and it is his mother

somewhere gilbie is getting into a microwaved meal and im afraid he was microwaved but he wasnt

i am walking through my highschool thinking how some people must never go back to high school but im at my high school all the time for some reason, maybe this is somehow part of the

new art school

in a car with what looks like tori from new alliance and another big featured girl and they are talking about doing a photoshoot for the art house dressed as angels and theyre gonna do it both of them

but they dont incliude me (but i dont include myself !) 

yesterday;

curt jarva downstairs with gilby about to put him in the trash and i have to stop him


last night;

at a party at new alliance and a bunch of guys are sitting on the floor drawing on the floor in crayon and they are drawing all robot heads and parts all connected in a big circle , one is a yellow robot head, and i come in and draw a more human girl head in green in crayon coming out from the circle and ethan is there and maybe drawing too and he is smiling and im saying oh no wait til nick sees this it wasnt me ! and we are kind of laughing

FROM THE PAST WEEK

SEE HOWARD STERN IN A ALMOST MINIVAN SIZE JEEP WITH A BIG BIRD HEAD IN IT AND DRUMS, AN OPEN BACK AREA AND I CAN SEE THROUGH THE WINDOWS ALL THIS COSTUME /PROP STUFF LIKE DISGUISES FOR HOWARD I GUESS AND HE IS SLUMPED DOWN IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND BETH O IS DRIVING THE CAR AND I AM REMEMBERING KKK TELLING ME THIS IS HOW HE GETS AROUND OR THAT HE WEARS DISGUISES AND THIS IS IN CAMBRIDGE NEAR HARVARD SQUARE

THANKSGIVING HAPPENS AT OUR HOUSE AND KEITH IS THERE AND BRANDON IS A BABAY AND THERE ARE ALL THESE PUPPIES LIKE LITTLE GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPIES... THEN THANKSGIVING IS OVER AND MY ASIAN LADY THERAPIST IS LIVING IN THE HOUSE AND SHE HAS TWO CHILDREN THAT SEEM LIKE STRANGERS TO HER THAT SHE DOESNT QUITE KNOW HOW TO CARE FOR IT SEEMS AND I AM THERE KIND OF LIKE AN AU PAIR OR SOMETHING AND PUTTING THE KIDS TO BED AND THEN WATCHING A.L.T. ALONE AT THE KITCHEN TABLE LIKE SHES NOT QUITE SURE WHAT TO DO , THERE IS A SOUND IN THE KITCHEN AND SHE ASKS ME WHAT IT IS AND IT TURNS OUT TO BE THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL WHICH HAS SOMEHOW BEEN LEFT RUNNING....

SEND UNDERWEAR (EMBARRASSING NOT SEXY) AND A PACKAGE WRAPPED IN NEWSPAPER TO UNBLEACHD SOMEHOW AND AM WATCHING HIM GET IT FROM AN OMNISCIENT NON PRESENT PERSPECTIVE AND HE TAKES THE UNDERWEAR AND PUTS IT ON OVER HIS JEANS AND THEN JUST STANDS THERE AND SMILES LIKE A WEIRDO

december 2018

I

chloe in the backyard with mud up to her elbows

II

my family members, some of them, men, my father, gathered around a counter in the kitchen eating meat, and i come and eat some of it with them, and come to realize its pig meat...

and take the bones to make broth 

Night before last night's dream

Little Kenny comes to visit my parents house why h is open like its their house but the t.v. Set version or something. Before that Tory invites me to come out for her birthday. My mom wants to take me out for my birthday with aunt Annie. Pammie is there too and Erik. Jonathan is in town and meeting up with Shannon and calling me when me and Lindsay get to the hull restaurant called sailors or something so were all there at the same time. We drink white wine . Then I'm at my parents house talking to Tory about going away somewhere and I wonder if max is coming. Little Kenny is talking but no ones talking to him excepted dad, about sports. I notice little things he's saying that are turns of phrase and not quite true. He has little blue slippers on his feet and they are near me in the living room so I roll away. We end up in something like a tree house or a house addition, seems like in hull. Rob is there and was there before or I was with him before I left to go to all these reunions. When I'm at the house I keep trying to make us cheese sandwiches with this cranberry but bread that is laying out but I keep getting interrupted. In the tree house ish room we are back together only someone else is there and little Kenny and we are trying to get it on. We start making out and stuff and he looks like a different person, very feminine in the face like a Mexican lesbian lady and kind of meaty and shorter but with the same tattoos. We are in some kind of Chinese boxing place before that where Asian girls are competing in gymnastics and I have been there before. Certain things play like videos I assume rob and I are watching that are scenes from my life; one I am filming and feeding animals, a snake maybe an ostrich, I am with some friends and all these animals and my hair is long, another I am a small person like a child wearing a blue machinist looking outfit and trying to board a train

I'm at my parents house with Vince and its like he's taking care of us all at my parents house. Rob is there sitting on the couch in the living room by the window. Vince gets up at some point and I know then hes been lying next to me on the couch under the sunflower painting. He is wearing very short shorts at first I think maybe his underwear but they are just short tennis shorts, more like womens' clothing. Dave is there or not there and we get into an argument about Dave. I say I think he's content living his life the way he is living it and will continue that way and Vince is saying he needs to change or that he's doing something wrong. I think we are eating ice cream, maybe banana cream made from the blender.

I go over to Christiana's house to hang out and Rob Potylo is there in another room. He comes into the kitchen for a minute and I talk to him briefly and I'm shy but Christiana can tell that I like him, I guess. When he goes back into the room (it seems like there are a lot of people in the room) she says she can help me and I know that she means help me to talk to him or help us get together or something. We go upstairs into her room which is kind of like a fort on the side of the house. Their house is kind of like their real house but different with more rooms and like there are more people living there. Her room has a rickety built staircase, I remember the staircase seeming like it was made of vinyl and could break at any minute but she said it was old, from the 70s or something. Up the stairs is a wood board platform where her bed is and we lay together in the bed and I feel very comfortable with her, almost like she is someone else I know very well already... I relax and joke around with her and feel very loving toward her and can tell she just wants to be friends and that we can help each other and be good friends together. I think maybe she is going to cut my hair. I don't know if we talk about Rob.

I am at our apartment on 7 price road and Kelsey comes over with some girl friends and Travis. She has a whole group of people and some kind of plan, maybe cocaine. Travis is there at the kitchen counter, and the whole apartment is different, more  like a trailer home in my room and the kitchen. Then I take Kelsey and one of the girls through the rest of the apartment and there is a back way sort of like eves or a basement and in that part of the house its all cement and theres a huge jacuzzi bath tub and then a couch with a litter box on it and litter and cat shit on the couch. Its like I forgot that it existed. Then Taylor Cleaves is there. She is wearing a pink top and I remember her being thin looking when I expected her to seem kind of weird and bloated.

I am working at The Channel Cafe only its not the Channel. Joyce is there and everyone else plus a ton of other people and we are all in a back room kitchen. It is all chrome silver and everyone is busy doing something. It feels like a factory or an assembly line. I realize I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing and I run around looking at everyone else and trying to remember what I am supposed to be doing.

I am asked to babysit for fat baby ryan, who looks about the same except his face is rounder and maybe he has a beard. i am in some kind of norwell region ghost land. I leave wherever I am to go babysit fat baby ryan. I get there and hug kathy and tell her how i miss her. the house is totally different, the kitchen is in the middle and the rest of the house is vey open and everything else just sort of stretches out around the center kitchen. dan comes in and is very nice to me but i feel almost as if hes flirting with me. he tries to kiss kathy at one point and she turns her head, saying shutdown, like she is trying to regain control in their relationship or they are playing games. they are going out to dinner. i notice that they both seem rounder in a way and wonder if they are "fat skinny people" and how that happens. i ask if i should make ryan something particular for dinner and they say i can just make whatever as if i will obviously concoct him some kind of tofu sandwich...i don't remember the rest of the night babysitting and after i leave i feel like i got drunk at the house and i hope i didnt do anything bad or leave anything out, i completely black it out but while still in the dream