chris lauren michelle bOat

with chris laurena and michelle and there is tension and chris is not like himself normally or he is critical and michelle is yelling and lauren is kind of swaying in and out

and we are all on a boat im in one corner with michelle across from me and lauren is next to me and chris is to the left of michelle and michelle is saying things

and it is like the boat is dropping stories like the tower of terror, like levels of something are being broken through and the feeling of being nearly thrown out of the boat at all times

but it stops and somewhere we get off the boat and we are somewhere else maybe like italy

and lauren keeps touching me and then she is touching my face and i need to get away

matt stearns talking to me through a line... asking me to go to the beach,,, to go to copley square and go to the beach there (somehow) and then im saying no and yelling at him and hes saying we could just walk on the beach somewhere else where its raining and i am saying no and yelling but coriander is there somehow and we are listening to it like its on a radio show...

its thanksgiving and brandon and christopher and wendy are there and all the animals (edna chloe lightly gilbie) and i guess i make a cage for gilbie outside in the old rabbit cages and then days pass and it rains, some time goes by and we dont know where gilbie is and i go outside and the rabbit cage cage i made for him is filled with mud and all wet and there are people out there i dont know doing something else too and gilbie is all wet with mud in the corner of the enclosure

and i pull him out and have a dread hes going to be dead but his eyes are big and blue and hes still alive and hes ok and i bring him inside and he dries off right away and starts running around and i notice him and the cats are the same size (more hamster size than cat size) and chloe is running after them and they are all playing in erik's room

I am at some kind of lesbian parade and maybe dressed like Amy wine house but there are other girls definitely dressed like amywinehouse and trying to impersonate her and sing like her but also crying and I'm not sure what I'm doing there or if I'm trying to sing like Amy wine house or if I'm just mourning her and hoping to see her- I leave the parade and go to this kind of sea side bar big open room and Jonathan is there and Lindsay and my psychiatric nurse Tara, Jonathan is talking about this Mexican place we love to go to in the city and we decide we will all go and we get there and there is some kind of new drink which is bright red and called something. That begins with an s and very strong. I am thinking whether I should get the new drink or a regular margarita. The new drink is on a pedestal in the bar and I guess Jonathan's goi g to get it. I am worried we will get the psychiatric nurse too drunk and I see her eyes crossing.

Before I find Jonathan or around the same time Mars Jupiter is there and we go to some upstairs outdoor beach bar and he is thinking we are going on a date or something and I have to leave to avoid him.

Kurt cobain is with his band and comes to see us where we are living in some kind of middle school and auditorium. He is coming to play. He has short very blonde hair. Alvan seems like he's there and other people from emf. 

Then I am in charleston with someone that seems like the far from normal girl. She lives in an area in the woods in something like charleston, I is like arrivals mini neighborhood kind of like Robinson carusoe and out the back of the neighborhood is the beach.

I am with Paige and there is a kitchen we are in. At my parents house my father has a bottle of red wine beside him in the yard he is out by the swing set in the grass counting seeds,

Getting ready for something like thanksgiving.    I am hugging mike the horse from hunters rook

My mom has gotten him and another horse we are going to keep in the yard, I can't wait to ride him

In the kitchen there is an animal they are cooking in a pot that looks like a cartoon platypus

I take my grandmother to the beach. I enter a nursing home of sorts near the water which is all yellow and gold and orange and inside the lobby there is a gauzy gold curtain hanging down. After I open the door I am not sure it is a nursing home anymore. A small woman with a big head and thick short grey hair comes hobbling out of thee curtain and asks how she can help me. I think I wheel over my grandmother (in a wheelchair) to her. The place is cool looking (sort of like the nursing home in the movie ponyo). I start talking to an older woman sitting behind a desk and then the other woman comes flopping into the chair next to her and her feet and legs are tiny and move like a muppet's, like they are made out of cloth. She is half seriously complaining/yelling at the woman next to her. She becomes a muppet.

I decide to get my grandmother out of here. I bring her out onto the beach. My mother comes there. I want her to take care of Josephine for me so I can leave. I think maybe my brother is there.

friday night- I am out somewhere with Jodi and Caroline Johnson. It is a weird store or restaurant and we are talking about being inherently misunderstood or weird or not being able to do what we want to do. I realize that Caroline is an artist. She shows me an illustration shes done of some woodland animals dressed like people, sort of wind in the willows-esque but very neatly done and pro looking.

when my cell phone alarm is ringing i am dreaming that there is a kind of zapper called something like a stinger where you twirl your hair after you've gotten highlights (as if you are twirling it through a metal detector) and everytime it detects a brown streak of hair it beeps (the alarm noise) and turns the streak blonde. in the dream this had been in existance forever and i had just never realized what it was before. i was on a trip with abunch of people, john, will, animals. i thought i moved from orrs court but it turned out i hadnt but we still couldnt find my house. someone else had a house nearby, on spring street. going to my house we were told there was a car bomb and shit was going on and that we should stay out of the street. there was a black dude riding in a red suv and some other cars. something about or with anson. at my house i have th cats there and then there are three puppies in my backyard. i think they are the actons but they have followed me here. we seem to be coming back from being away a long time. at the beach someone takes my shoes and i keep asking who took my shoes. at first i think it is john. then it is will who has taken my shoes and i realize he did it because he likes me and he thought i would have to come find him in order to get them. i feel bad for ruining it.

first i am with tory and someone else, maybe sara silk or maybe thats not until after, but we are sitting at a table and i can't understand why they are so boring or why i am so bored. then i am looking at sara and she is talking about working or something and i notice she has gained weight but she seems really upbeat and happy. i think we are in marthas vineyard or something. then we have to get on a bus, i think to go to the beach. will shows up, or anson, i think anson is there and somehow we are not in sync or we are trying to find somewhere where we can be alone.

i am tripping shrooms at some point and someone tries to makes me drink orange juice but i don't want to...i decide orange juice and vitamin c in general are bad for me...my parents have bought a new house, they never told me they were selling our old house, and i am staying at nane's but i am supposed to be moving to another part of nane's house which is like an attached building but my mom never showed me where the entrance and locks were. i end up at my parents new house and they are really mean to me and i end up drinking a lot of red wine and getting in my car and pretending to drive to nane's but really i drive to charleston. i get to charleston and stop at a bar which in the dream is vickery's but looks more like upper deck. i go around the corner and stand in front of a table where andrea (michaels brodericks friend) is sitting talking to someone. i think the stairs are behind her but they're really in the next room. i walk over to where they really are and anson comes out of a group of people and says hey. i'm not sure if we hug. he asks me if i have been "blacking" a lot lately which means tanning and i say no and go to the bathroom. there is black makeup all over my face because i had been sobbing all the way there, so i clean myself up. me and anson walk outside and are talking. we get into a u-haul which i guess is his car. then i can see in the rearview that megan has just gotten there and is out front at vickery's. anson jumps out of the car. i already know that theyre back together. i just sit there but at some point i draw some stuff and leave something for anson on the pavement of the parking lot...then they come out together into the parking lot like they're going somewhere and megan opens the driver's door of the u-haul like she is going to get in but anson yells something and she doesn't. the whole time she doesn't even turn her head so she doesn't see me but it seems strange that she wouldn't. i run out after that and hop from stone to stone back to where my car is and i know anson is watching me leave. after that i take the car and go to the beach (there is a period where ive left something in these peoples backyard and i end up in a pond of ducks and the lady of the house comes outside). at the beach i see john and we get high but when he comes i am sort of levitating because i had read if you jump up higher and stay calm you come down slower. then when he gets there i show him how i am jumping up so high and i start floating upward only i can't control it anymore and i keep getting higher and then at some point it seems like its too high and i get scared and then something happens, i forget exactly what, but the fear goes away.

november 10th 2009

when i wake up i have been on the beach with my cousins leslie and erin, uncle andy, and my mom, only i remember sephie was there and willow, or perhaps mary merrit, i had just been walking with someone who was either willow, mary merrit, or jody johnson. the beach is beautiful, all bright colors, almost like the graffitti wall at kulture klash, there is a rollercoaster with the same colors in the background, there are huge shells of hermit crabs everywhere, all in the most wonderful patterns and colors. i worry ive left my camera near the shore. Before this I had been on vacation in New Hampshire with paige and we were leaving, she had just bought a pair of shoes aand we were in a shoe store and there was a pair of shoes which were almost exactly the same and she said she wished she had bought those instead. i also dream i am searching through my hair and find tiny little bright silver bugs and look them up on wikipedia and they are 'skin mites.' i am afraid i have scabes