may 15, 16

Yesterday- I am with Jenny talking and she tells me she's worried she might be pregnant bc she had sex one time in the last month or so and I ask her with who? And she tells me FRANK and I am reeling and can't believe it and can't understand why she would think of it so casually and we go to a party and frankas is there and I am completely verclempt and having that awful conspiracy come to life feeling nauseous

Last night- going to some kind of anniversary memorial for willow gray, in thus big old church, watch mr. Gray come in and he is very tall and looking good and put together and everyone is there, Devon and my parents and the cechinis. After the service I am going to get coffee bc I know I need to bring coffee to the house after- first j get a small coffee by mistake and then a whole box of coffee and keep the small coffee and bring the big box of coffee to what I guess is supposed to be mrs cecchinis house but it's not, auntie Annie is there on the couch and there are some small dogs. I am there with Devon. Then we leave and go over to her place and lilys mother is there in her house which is different than her real house, kind of right up on the street with the door on the sidewalk

And the door opens and we see her inside - lily and Devon are on weird terms- Devon is kind of living in the attic of the house and I go up there with her to sleep with her in the bed up there- she is saying how whenever she wears this one scent everyone comes up to her...

Then me and frankas have gone to my parents house and we have a tent set up in the yard and there is a small shed in the middle of the yard with screens on the sides and monkeys in it. There are several dogs at my parents and we start kicking balls with them and then all these other dogs come over from the actons- Keith pierce is in a box setup kind of a stage but more so a box wrapped in tissue paper with his head sticking out over the top and he is singing and plating guitar- William Duddy is there too in the other corner of the back yard- I guess we are all doing creative endeavors at my parents house or trying to make money... I am trying to find my notebook to write down my dreams...there is a picnic table on the right side of my parents house, frankas comes out and yells at me that he has been waiting for me to play music in the basement (then I hear ' folks' in real life and he is trying to get me up but not mad so I get up, relieved)

Two cats this shopkeeper has and this mall we're in...Devon and maybe we are trying to find willows house in Janet jarvas car, my dad is saying it's not the right way but I start to recognize a stream with bushes and know we're going the right way but the right way dissolves

Some abstract film in a theater at the mall Tyrone has made about "the only thing worse than that last drummer..." Like a status that's been written on Facebook but I'm seeing it in the theater at the mall and I think it's going to be video of us performing but it's these multiracial people getting naked under a waterfall

That turns into a river where people are getting pulled together from the tide and there are all different people on the river and it kinda seems like they're all wanting to have sex

There are two little black boys before that and I guess they bring in the cats first and they are both wearing belly shirts and look like girls but I think they are boys and we are taking care of them, maybe my mom is taking care of them

There is something like a pet store and this one black dog starts to get real aggressive, maybe it was one of the cats and it turned into a dog? Maybe it is still a cat it is very hard to handle

We are looking for costumes to look like Cher and maybe Paris Hilton trying to explain why it's important to my dad, this is with the lack children, I'm trying to express that I only need a wig and not the whole costume

In a movie theater with will and its not right for some reason and I want to leave but not in the beginning when the movie starts we are sitting together and I am on his right side and the movie seems like a cosmic star or a planet or I can feel or energy a syncing kind of like a ray of sunlight but more like a tunnel. Then I am at my parents house like I must be in charge or have some kind of obligation there my brother is there too but my parents are gone and the place is Kind of a mess. Devon comes in and we go out to a restaurant and she falls about how she doesn't like drinking eor being around alcohol but she's saying it to my brother for some reason. She gives me an envelope but I never open it. Right before I wake up we are sitting on my parents couch and she asks me if I will tickle her back. She says "I don't want to see the things my family does for me"

Before this when we are just at the house Ricky a calls me on the phone to talk about our relationship and I just can't believe that he's even calling me.

Someone is leaving and I guess it must be Devon's birthday. I am leaving the house and someone comes running out with a portrait I can vaguely remember from portraits we were all doing, a group of girls. The girl is blonde and buck toothed and maybe holding a toothbrush. For some reason I want to call her Liz.

Dreamed I was moving intothis studio space/band space/ clubhouse above EMF, moving into it like a house in a way but also all my stuff was there. I am in there alone and it is sunny and bright like an attic, I am there at night breifly and there's a kind of party going on and I see Alvan. All these chairs and tables are arranged like a wonky U shape and I have to walk around behind them to get out either side. I find Brown Bear in a compartment underneath the tables and start carrying him around. Before that I am with my mother and Kathy Cook and Ryan and Dan Cook who is talking all about their pitbull and how she's a real pitbull...there is also a cat, like a sister cat to Lightly or something. We are at a museum or something and my momand I leave and go out through this auditorium type thing and are looking at this pizza kiosk that has allthese pizzas out on display (suddenly Devon Gray is with us also) my mom mentions that she sees a hummus pizza and I am walking around the kiosk looking for the hummus pizza.

Before that something with horses.

Maybe Will, maybe an airport, maybe new york.

I am with Devon inside a movie theater, seems like one I've been to before in a dream...Kinda like an Imax. She has a bag of dehydrated limes and we are eating them. They are delicious and look like mini fig-size limes. She says they cost 15 cents at Trader Joes. We check the back and they are 0 calories. I remember seeing her from the side in a baggy dress and thinking it looked the same as I looked in a baggy dress like that and thinking that I didn't think she looked fat even though the dress was too big and ballooned out around her. Then I remember feeling fatter and out of shape compared to her and Lilly I think, who we meet up with. I feel like I want to be more like them. We are all supposed to be going somewhere.

I am with Devon and maybe like at her wedding or Erin is there too or maybe we are on vacation and everyone loves Devon and Devon pays no attention to me. Then at some point I have my head on her lap and she is stroking my hair. I feel bad about myself again and remember feeling very fat and heavy and upset with how Devon feels about me.

I dream I am around for whitey Bulger's trial- it is sort of like being
at camp. We are all sort of hanging out in this camp-yagoog like area like we live there. I think Devon is there. We are sort of waiting around and involved with whitey. I like him but I see him act sort of evil, I think he will take a liking to me though and I will be ok. He is wearing a t shirt with little squiggly cursive repetitive writing across it in a block formation, light blue. He is i9n the passenger side of a truck wearing a sort of trucker hat and thick dark glasses.

Yesterday I dreamed of the hill with the donkey inside the pen on the
side of the road in Williamsburg right as I was starting to fall asleep...and then the picnic tables there and the smell of hotdogs and pasta salad on a plastic plate. Later on I dream we are in a dark room on couches and under blankets watching a movie or something. Then the chorus line of thye little mice in the movie Babe comes into my head and I start singing it and then my Dad is on the other sofa and he starts singing the mice part too and he does a better job than I do, but its very pleasant.

I am at a restaurant with my Mom and Devon. She is singing a piece of music and her voice is beautiful. We talk about a woman named Eki who worked at the public library and wwho I can't remember at first which shocks Devon and my mom. I think we are in Charleston. Devon has too leave and she apologizes for singing so beautifully and for deciding to write a poem because she knowS I write poems. I tell her that its ok and that she sounds beautiful. My father is there at the table then.

I am living in a large mansion with different sections, a mansion I feel like I've been in in dreams before. I have moved into here from another apartment which was a mess. The ceilings in the bedroom are very low and there is one other room attached to it. From the bedroom I notice there is a swinging large door into a main part of the mansion and I go to look and accidentally swing the door and see a woman there. The door swings back again in my direction. Whoever is there is nice to me. I had forgotten that other people live in the mansion and no one seems to own it.

I see Tory on the street in Charleston but she sort of turns the other way. I wonder if she can't talk to me because Ricks isn't there anymore. I see Lily somewhere and she hugs me.

Later on I go to the upper deck (but not the upper deck) with Devon and her father. He seems to get drunk without drinking anything. He has glasses and whitish hair and doesn't remember telling me about the turtle in the front yard. Turtles come up somehow. Devon starts to seem like shes uncomfortable. When she has to leave we leave together and she is getting on a train and Ive handed her a bag of pot and for some reason she has my cellphone. Then she gets on the train and accidentally has my cellphone although she throws my pot back in the bag at the last minute.

I am at the upper deck working on something when Mr. Gray comes up to me and asks me where Devon is. I dont know and I try calling her number and Alecs but I can't get through to anyone.