AT MARIAS HOUSE

AT MARIAS HOUSE, get into town and maybe im on tour but i dont know, im tired and ragged,

go to marias house and its kinda like ricks and patricks old place past the crosstown but smaller, like one room like a studio, full of stuff,

and im there with just maria and then i remember about her other house that she lives in and henry

and then i realize she just kept this house like this is her little house but she is still living in the other house with henry and she and henry are getting married on march 30th

and i pretend like i know because how could i not know and she must have told me

and we are going somewhere to meet people or i go down a street and see people through a window- casey heath, maybe pecan

and back to the house and then henry is there and im wondering how i didnt know they were getting married and i kind of flash imagine maria getting mad one night and then henry

proposing

11/24/2017

go to ginas to ride horse, or some other place actually... somewhere where i've been told there is a very large indoor arena...or i find this out.... it is somewhere up on a hill where people have been telling me they are going with someone to ride horses, there is some friend with horses there. margot littlehale is coming down from the hill and saying i can go there maybe. when i go there is a large indoor arena and more than one horse but it is also maybe ginas. there are several of us riding horses.

after the horses or this turns into a rich girls  chateua-like apartment / club consisting of herself and some other girls and then she also has a boyfriend. the boyfriend reminds me of travis friend john from brooklyn. maybe the chateau is like his condo in brooklyn.

i am standing next to travis and looking at him and he turns into or looks like scottkitchen. i am questioning who he is and how i really know him.

something is going on between the club of girls and the boyfriend and the chateau apartment. i'm really not sure how i got involved at all, but i feel like the boyfriend is maybe my friend. i don't know any of the girls very well. but i end up sitting with them at a fancy table and now maybe this is somewhere else.

maybe this is like an art gallery, a very large one, something like an art museum the size and scope of an aquarium. and there is something about us going into business or being able to put on some kind of  big lavish events here, i'm not sure. i am sitting at the table thinking how strange and lucky it is i've gotten involved in this girls club with all this money and all this power from trying to ride a stranger friends horse... they are also somehow involved in the fashion world. they seem interested in me and im not totally sure why.

at some point i am outside the house i think with the boyfriend at night and he is slightly drunk or locked out or looking for cigarettes. i feel as if some secret information might be revealed. maybe only that there is some sense of dischord.

i am with someone then maybe supposed to be like my boyfriend but who in my  mind now looks like dave from  the firehouse , we are involved somehow and we have this baby bull dog puppy and we are walking down these sidewalks that are in between grassy areas, away from any streets (this is also the type of area i was with the boyfriend from the chateau outside before)

there is some kind of argument maybe over what to feed the dog. i am holding it in my arms and it is so lazy on its back like a puddle and so cute. there is some kind of mexican restaurant, and this barely makes sense, but there is some kind of mexican lace like we could go to eat there but instead dave opens bags of chips and salsa pours onto the sidewalk and there are two other people there then too and we eat the chips and salsa off the sidewalk and this way it is free for some reason.

may 18

Whitney Cummings has a treadmill where she attaches sensors to each of her fingers from the treadmill and she is doing a kind of bit where she has all the sensors on her fingers but she can't figure out how to turn on the treadmill

Then I am in her house and the lights are out and I am figuring out how to use the treadmill and she comes out of her room and is surprised to see me and I tell her you have to put all the sensors on and then turn the machine on and off for it to work and I say am I early because we are meeting at her house in an hour and shes says something like I like how you ask if you're early and she tries to tell us how she needs time to work on her art and stuff

i am going to china. rachael hayes is there and her sister just left. there is a big apartment we get to stay in when we go to china, and we get to go there when we go on trips across the world. i guess i am going to europe, maybe paris. but i have to go to china first, like a layover, only we stay there at this apartment there.

i am in boston or new york and moving around and trying to collect all my things together. like i am in the emf building or a hotel and left all my things in different rooms and i need different things for different parts of the journey i'm about to go on and i'm trying to gather them up.

i have a little gold box that is a very important thing that i will need in china or europe but have to hide in my suitcase for part of the journey.

i get to china and i am in a car with someone, a guy i know but don't recognize and we are driving around this big square restaurant with big glass windows and rachael hayes is sitting in the restaurant and i can see her through the window and i am coming to meet her so this is good.

i am at some strange house that is supposed to be my mom's house. she comes in in a bath robe looking like she's been crying and says she's not going. i guess she got in a fight with erik and he slit both her cheeks, just like a little knife slit like the guy does to charlie sheen in platoon, but i guess he did it with his fingernails. she says she is not going to the party.

i am with antonia. we are going to the party it is her birthday party.

there is some odd work study girl who i only kind of know also at my mothers house staying mostly with my mother i guess.

i leave and go to another country that seems almost yiddish or -stani. i am thinking i might miss the party and I'm not sure if I'm allowed in this country. i see a pet store and i go in.

in the pet store there is one gray cockateil the size of a cockatoo in a large cage. there are other large and exotic parrot birds in cages. the cocktail is advertised for $6 and $6.$12 in total i am guessing. i ask the clerk woman about it. she says cockatiels are kind of boring. this one is missing some feathers under his beak and does not move at all.

i am thinking of buying the cocktail but i see a beaded kind of wide beaded necklace array and i think i should buy it for antonia's birthday. i ask the clerk woman for it.

one piece is a long wide beaded necklace. another piece is a beaded bag. and another piece is a beaded hat. antonia will love it. it is only $6.60. the pet store is also a bar. the clerk woman is very nice and grateful for my purchases. the country is kinder to me than i expected. i am glad i have come in.

i make it back to the apartment/house and there is still time to get to antennas party. i am packing lots of bird sticker materials and clothes and hiding the present in a duffel bag. it is going to be a kind of art party. by the ocean.

(at some point it feels like antonia and her sister turn into my cousins leslie and erin and we are consoling my mom, i only remember remembering this)

my mom and the work study girl have been watching a movie. i am secretly drinking wine or something and hoping i haven't too drunk,or was that after.

the work study girl wants to go to the party and then my mom wants to see the present i got antonia. she is going to drive us to the party. i am rifling through my duffel bag to find the present to show her.

December 11th 2015

Francesca Antonia

A big warehouse type space where everyone from emf and beyond is there doing something

Perez Ricardo wants to know why I'm nice to him and why I treat him he way I do- I hear him talking to me from behind and I know he is pushing a shopping cart

Terence is here too there is some kind of comedy fight going on, someone has changed the tile in one of the big rooms of the wArehouse and I notice

Dave trees art is there

I have a car and Francesca villa comes in during the comedy fight and dissolves it somehow she gets in my car and I am giving her a ride before that she is sitting next to me and I ask her if she went to Antonia's wine party and she said no in her way it was ok she was watching some kangaroo show which I somehow know is a cartoon

We get in the car and i tell her it's ok even if she doubts me I feel I will prove myself to her eventually and am going to tell her about being the third and oldest villa to my surprise but see maybe she is about to cry and then she gets out of the car

Someone takes my car and iam looking around for it and upset, something has changed once the warehouse is outside

Before this I go to Sara silk and Lisa barons apartment and have a glass of wine and they are doing something there having some kind of party or something very glad I came and interested in me but the party is wrapping up too and I leave

When I lose the car I also lose a motorcycle I had somehow and iam walking around the outside warehouse area and I hear jonand kaz and people and then I see Jon and some people I the hallway and give him a long hug, I don't know what they are doing,no kaz, then I walk outside and I see kaz by the side of a building

First meeting up with Jonathan in New York, we are going to some place like maybe an aquarium or something, someplace where the cafe outside has really great she'll macaroni and salad Jonathan says. We are taking the subway and when we go to get off there is a kind of hospital burlap fabric lip coming off the subway train which you are supposed to step on before you step on the platform outside and you can see how far up we are in between the fabric lip and the platform. I get petrified of the height and fall to the ground. Jonathan gingerly steps off the train. I have to crawl off on all fours and one we get on the platform I am leaning with my arms on the rail and not wearing glasses and realize if I pushed off I would fall all the way down, probably to my death. What is going on with the subways in New York?

We get down to the food court and there are already made cups of juice with alfalfa sprouts in them in a vertical row like flowers might be placed in a metal wire holder. We go to a table and I guess Jonathan has already been here and order the macaroni and salad and he gives me his leftovers.

Then I am meeting up with Sarah Lyle. She comes and meets me at the food court. I ask her about her marriage which I almost forget about since she is in New York. She says she's broken up with him so many times since they got married and says I never liked him anyway. I say I do like him. I ask her why I wasn't invited to the wedding and she gets quiet and upset about that. We talk about her family and remember all the time we spent in her house and where we slept. I see some video of Vanessa and she is a little girl still but there is a littler girl with brown hair and I don't know who she is, she's like a replacement character to the Lyle family like its the Cosby show when I'm watching it, and then a child version marykate Olsen interrupts with a hula hoop. They are all performing.

Sarah and I go on some kind of ride like a roller coaster and then are hanging out in some kind of outdoor pen and these guys come in humans but they are actually some kind of advance bird that acts and looks like a dumb human and they all drop out the other side of the pen like penguins after we say things to them and they act dumb.

We go to Laura garveys house and some other people from high school are there also and talking about how Laura is and how Laura's mom is cool I guess. Laura's mom comes home and changes in front of everyone, gets naked, but puts something else on and then is playing with the dog. I think we were talking about how uptight Laura is and her mom is totally different. I like her mom and we start playing together, she pours everyone white wine and we go in the pool, turn things into a party.

Then at alvans house and his house is a lux apartment all white. We are sitting on sofas talking and then Laura garveys mom shows up. Alvan says he doesn't have the wine. I guess every time Laura's mom shows up she pours white wine for everyone. She says she brought some and I say I will help her  get the glasses but I go to the bathroom first.

Marilyn Manson is at alvans house I guess and we end up in another room with him. He and I are really hitting it off and he is pretty into me. He starts hitting on me and wants to hook up right there. I am attracted to him but not hooking up with him. Sarah Lyle and maybe Katie baker are both there. They tell him that I have a boyfriend. He is very tall.

With frankas and he is drunk and he gets arrested or I get arrested but we get out of it- I think I get arrested and then get away during it because it's a casual arrest and I leave during it and a wondering if it isn't better to just stay on the lamb- frankas is running around and drunk and I lose him somewhere, we are inside and outside of this big house that reminds me of glen and cindy's cookout- we make croissants with chocolate inside and they are very good me and frankas make them but then I lose him he runs off and I am in the house- somehow I know where he's gone and I go running through the town, it has just snowed and the snow is on the ground but very dry and it's warm out and I go running through the town with just my fathers running socks on and feeling good and warm and it's good running on the snow, I make it to the house and there's someone just coming into the house and I ask him if he lives there and can he let me in and he does and we open the door and frankas is inside with a bunch of people that I seem to know and they are having fun I think I tell them how I got arrested then we are all in a big basement type room and Karen is there and frankas is trying to kiss Karen in front of me but she won't let him but she's flirting with him and I am just thinking how terrible this is but i won't care

night before last

dreaming i have just showed up in new york and i run into this little blonde girl who i think is killy dwyer (who i have never met in real life) she is wearing a tutu and bright colors or hair clips or maybe has braces, and she convinces me to come with her to her apartment in brooklyn and i do and leading up to her apartment door is a wobbly wood bridge on strings like you might find in the jungle and below us is a cliff and lots of horses and right in front of her door is a horse standing with its face facing her door and barely enough room to go around it and i am wanting to ride the horse and hoping we will be able to ride horses. i touch the horse and it startles and i realize there is a small child sitting on top of the horse and feel bad for startling it but wishing it had not startled at my touch, not meaning to startle it. her apartment is nice and i wonder if she has it all to herself because no one else is there. i am glad that i came with her because she seems very nice and i don't know why i was hesitant to go with her before.

Right before I wake up

I am trying to climb up a very tall ladder that has very thin spindly boards as steps with some of the steps missing

Up to my apartment

And it is occurring to me 'this is an anorexia apartment' 

Because it is built to be almost falling apart and straining under my weight as I am trying to climb up the ladder and is supposedly only for very thin people to live in

I remember, Sara silk has just lived in this apartment before me

And I am trying to get upstairs to my apartment to get one vegetarian sandwich from the refrigerator which I have just remembered is there

When Jessica church comes up on the porch behind me and maybe I tell her what I am doing and she says the sandwich is in the refrigerator downstairs and gets it for me and I don't have to climb back up the ladder

Jessica church is living in the apartments downstairs which are divided up in this big fragile house like a house in charleston I guess

She comes out another time before this and has a bag dog with her both times which comes and helps me with her and is one time wearing a mask

It is a big husky looking dog like the dog XO only it is all black, she drives away in a car with it

I vaguely remember being upstairs in the apartment and having a roommate

visiting alex johnson in new york

(similar feeling to recently visiting rachael hayes in new york in real life)

she lives in some kind of tree house type place it is summer or very sunny out, i think she has room mates

she has to go to work or school but she is calm and seems in a good place, unsure of what i am doing or supposed to be doing

frankas has an apartment somewhere in like medford but close to watertown and he takes me there from emf

there is no one there but it looks old and lived in and carpeted and musty like an apartment in long island

i move in and at first i have my own room and both my cats are there my room is small and has a twin bed

we start sleeping in one room together and i don't leave the apartment far enough to figure out where we really are and we only go there by car at night it seems

at one point we are at the nearest t station and i am asking people what it is called and they don't know but one woman says it is mount pleasant

back at the apartment i notice there is someone in a room or i go to go in the other bathroom (there is one bathroom in total disrepair where the litter box is kept)

out of the room comes this giant guy that looks like a big tuna and has a whitish face and lips like he's been submerged in water for a long time

i am shocked and alert franks and franks sees the guy who kind of stumbles around and leaves and he just kinda shrugs

i keep wondering if the cats are there and still alive and i go into another room and see he sleeping underneath a bed and there is another bed in the room too which my mother is sleeping in

i guess my mom has moved in with us and it is awkward when we wake her up by being in the room, me first i guess because i look and see the cats and then  i am watching tv on the bed and then frankas comes and finds me

it turns out franks has at least two room mates he hasn't told me about, one is his sister and the other is this girl danielle i think she's called and she starts yelling and talking a lot like maybe there is something wrong with her and maybe she is yelling at another girl in another room

there are only two boxes of cereal for food and i eat some of the cereal and wonder if franks sister is mad at me but it seems like she's not, she seems nice and more level headed than the other girl and maybe like she wanted me to eat the cereal

i don't really talk to them directly though and I'm wondering where frankas is

at one point i go in thhe twin bed room and the bed is all torn up and there is shit on the bed and i don't know what going on

when i go back into the room the next time there is no bed and its more like a rec room or little sewing room and i discover three more rooms after it going down the hall behind it

seems that vince lives nearby with his shop in some alternate universe watertown

Frankazoid is meeting my parents seems like reality but also some kind of strange dimensional reality where I can see all the people/ activities on one plane, almost like we are skyping with my father....when frank as sees him he starts writing an equation backwards on his forehead and my father is reading it and not quite agreeing but there is an understanding, e=mc ? My mother and we are on the couch, in a strange but familiar high apartment (who is visiting who) she is impressed by the franks foreheads writing skills,

We are hugging or brushing each other's heads

I go to the frank as apartment which looks like Sherlock Holmes apartment or the high room in a nightmare before Christmas, with a similar palate to the previous dream room, Browns and yellows and maybe some deep reds- maybe he is lying down when I first come in, it is like the emf room but different orientation like turned to the side so one wall is all windows, there are candles and fabric and mirrors and a wood table. Karen is there in mirrors maybe but then I see she is there in the room and I'm. Not sure if this is real reality or virtual reality but it seems like she just wants to be there and observe us and the frank as says this is ok and I am ok with it in that I don't want her to hate me, but it is a different reality in the dream, 

I wake up and see the frankas is there and I have fallen asleep

Night before last I am on a couch in Ricky's apartment. Its like his old apartment only the couch is in the bedroom and where the kitchen is is where his bedroom is now. I don't go into the bedroom but I am there and then Rob Potylo is there and he is next to me on the couch. Ricky comes in and he is going to leave to go into the bedroom. I don't move and he gets pissed off and then goes into the bedroom but doesn't bother us. I stay on the couch with Rob and then there is something like love-making.

I come to see Jeryn. I'm in Paris and she's living in Paris, almost feels like a past experience. I go to her apartment. I'm not sure why we're living there.

I am trying to get someone to go to New York with me. I am living in Norwell with my parents it seems like but I have the mini-van. I get Monica to say she is going with me but then something happens and she gets weird about it or she won't come for some reason...maybe something to do with pot. Lindsay is around at some point too but she can't go to New York...

I think I end up taking a bus and I show up in New York and its different, its that weird street that is kind of like the NYU dining halls, a combo of that and the weird stretch between Harvard square and central where they6 have the restaurants you can see through the windows and kind of look like a strip mall and there's the weird square type cement step thing behind it. Its night when I get there and I go up or down an escalator.
I turn up and walk out through a series of parking garages and end up in a mall. I am carrying things with me, something heavy.

I find Jonathan and we leave and are walking I think but it feels like a car. We are talking and I am worried about him and happy to be in New York. I ask him who his best friend is and he can't answer. He says he goes over Tyler's often and makes a remark about his apartment and how gaudy it is, as if it is all gold-plated but very small (reminds me of the discussion on Psy and the subtext of Gangam style). We are in his apartment, it doesn't feel like New York. I drop my bags there.

I am at our apartment on 7 price road and Kelsey comes over with some girl friends and Travis. She has a whole group of people and some kind of plan, maybe cocaine. Travis is there at the kitchen counter, and the whole apartment is different, more  like a trailer home in my room and the kitchen. Then I take Kelsey and one of the girls through the rest of the apartment and there is a back way sort of like eves or a basement and in that part of the house its all cement and theres a huge jacuzzi bath tub and then a couch with a litter box on it and litter and cat shit on the couch. Its like I forgot that it existed. Then Taylor Cleaves is there. She is wearing a pink top and I remember her being thin looking when I expected her to seem kind of weird and bloated.

I must have moved to new york and I am moving into an apartment which is a room in a motel like the one me and ricky stayed at in york maine. Alex and chelsea have been living together in one room and i am moving into the next room over. maybe alex has moved out. chelsea and i are combiniing our rooms and someone is there with us. I have my room all decorated and stuff and the other person asks if my rooms always look like this and chelsea is saying yes, always.

then I am with paige or am i still with chelsea. we are out in the city but it looks nothing like new york. we are with john and maybe grant in a group and they are going to eat somewhere and ask if we are coming but chelsea says no and we go off. I feel bad for not going to dinner with them and I am saying this to chelsea when a car pulls up and it is john and everyone. I think maybe this is a ritzy group and thats why chelsea doesnt want to hang. They are going to J.crew for dinner and since I feel bad we decide to join them.

J.crew is a restaraunt and I reealize we are with someone who is supposed to be alex wilson and that he only eats at J.crew. I look at the menu and there is nothing I can eat so I don't get anything. John looks uncomfortable and I realize this is a rich kid thing. Also, they don't serve alcohol and I want to leave.