travis and i are on tour. maybe someone else is with us also. someone is there when we get there, maybe jacki maynard, she is so excited that we are there and running around and wants to go next door. i guess we have played here before.

right before i wake up there is this other band playing in ernie paulins room, i think out of speakers and they are singing "somethin something something, SON,  well im the devil on the run" and i am thinking this song and this band is so good and wishing i wrote this song (although maybe i did)

we drive to the venue in a car and it is far away, maybe austin texas and we meet up with ernie paulin who we are staying with. the venue is one room that seems less like an actual venue and more like a dark empty room with no chairs and it is connected to a bar. i am drinking during the performance.

afterwards we are at ernie paulins and i notice which i noticed before he has long black scraggly hair, but at his apartment i see his hair on the sofa and realize its a wig. he is ranting about who is taking care of me? and all this stuff as if i need a babysitter or something, very brotherly like but tongue in cheek. i am eating cheetos out of my backpack and remembering i have a piece of pizza somewhere which i have been saving and thinking i should eat it. i am sitting on the floor in this dark room of his apartment and travis is on the couch. i keep asking him questions and he is acting like he cant be bothered but he is very manic like pacing around and funny. i ask him how many people live in the house? he says 17. he says he knew i forgot something while i was performing because i was drinking. i said i didnt forget anything. travis loks delighted at ernie. it is almost like a blacklight room. he goes up to the wall at some point and touches this wooden block that has something printed on it and is sticking out of the wall. the wood block wiggles like it is made out of sensitive flimsy rubber. i want to investigate it but i don't get up. i decide i will check it out later. then the song comes on (i can see the band in my mind but i am still in the room).

then my birth control alarm goes off

Last night eating pizza, at some kind of outdoor party family party kind of thing with barns or clubhouses and a big yard going between, reminds me of Mary lees house or a scene in the vs ysitters club, Jonathan is there... Eating pizza, lots of pizza different kinds different slices of pizza and I am eating one with vegetables tasting very good

Night before last I am sleeping with frankas only he doesn't look like frankas he looks kind of like Ben katzman and there are two other people we sleep with together and he likes to sleep with those people together with us and not just me and I am getting upset...

Night before that I am sleeping with my father but frankas is there also somewhat peripherally and I realize within the dream what is going on , seemingly become lucid 

Somewhere I also have a dream with Sarah Lyle at a restaurant type deal at a table with a white tablecloth, catching up on since she's been married and maybe she gets drunk?

^ am very glad to wake up last two nights and realize I've been dreaming and the waking reality is different

I am omnipotent with Beth stern at fashion show and in the lives of Beth and Howard stern, Persephone merit, David am law is my best friend, truck driver, I am telling people at a halfway house, Dave tree runs, there are empty cabinets and frames in the outdoor hall sunroom, kind of like an artist asylum, more like a. Basement on the inside, Beth stern buying two canisters of seaweed at a corner sushi shop in New York, I am going on vacation with Janet Jarva and bringing cats back, bringing one cat for everyone, uncle Kenny wants a cat and also moves into the art asylum forcing Andrew mello to leave (this is what I hear I do not see Andrew mello after this rumor) trying to eat food junk food, cookies and pizza, stopping at a restaurant on family vacation with Erik and curt and janet. The artist asylum is more like an abandoned house, kind of like the basement in 101 Dalmatians. Beth stern is sitting next to me but in a different row at the fashion show and then climbs over the row to sit next to me and starts telling me about stuff, and stuff with Howard, she says there is something he does when you walk in the house that I will see. There is something like a broken mirror in the artists asylum when I see Andrew mello there.... Later on I am with Persephone and she is trying on two different outfits, one with purple straps across the back that looks fancy and another that is more a muted green color. I am wearing a pink muted too and green skirt of some kind, kind of like a long lost Montreal outfit I wore with Lindsay...I am biking through norwell and run into "Zachary Jacobs" if that's the right guy the one with the hair that travels.

Dreamed I was moving intothis studio space/band space/ clubhouse above EMF, moving into it like a house in a way but also all my stuff was there. I am in there alone and it is sunny and bright like an attic, I am there at night breifly and there's a kind of party going on and I see Alvan. All these chairs and tables are arranged like a wonky U shape and I have to walk around behind them to get out either side. I find Brown Bear in a compartment underneath the tables and start carrying him around. Before that I am with my mother and Kathy Cook and Ryan and Dan Cook who is talking all about their pitbull and how she's a real pitbull...there is also a cat, like a sister cat to Lightly or something. We are at a museum or something and my momand I leave and go out through this auditorium type thing and are looking at this pizza kiosk that has allthese pizzas out on display (suddenly Devon Gray is with us also) my mom mentions that she sees a hummus pizza and I am walking around the kiosk looking for the hummus pizza.

Before that something with horses.

Maybe Will, maybe an airport, maybe new york.

(ricky spends the night)

ricky and i are driving in the dark in what is supposed to be cambridge i think but is more like a rural suburb ala norwell. we drive into a lot which is sort of like the bus turn around in scituate and i guess it is supposed to be a highschool parking lot. ricky goes inside or i go inside because another car comes into the lot and walks into the building. i guess ricky walks in after him. he is a pizza delivery driver. i get into the passenger seat of the car with the keys and wait for ricky and then get too nervous and jump in the drivers seat. i remember i say "just dont deliver any pizzas" i guess maybe we didnt have a car before and were walking along the road in"cambridge". it is always very dark. so we figure out the guy with the pizza is a delivery driver who is stuck in a time machine because he keeps showing up at this school lobby/ parking lot every 18 minutes with a new pizza and its the same guy with the same car. ricky gets frustrated that he keeps showing up and everytime the car dissappears. so we get in the car and drive away and i am nervous we will get caught and tthat another car in the parking lot is the police but it isnt or if it is they don't bother us. in the car we can see the pizza delivery driver still driving past us every 18 minutes.

before or after this we are outside walking around on the street and there is water like a creek. it is very dark and i am scared because ricky keeps scaring me. all of a sudden we are walking and the pavement turns into the tops of big wood telephone poles. we both go to turn back because we are so high up but then we see people walking under us on the street and sort of through the water. ricky goes back and jumps down and we walk over to the water which is full of starfish and sand dollars only all of them have only one half remaining. there is another thing sort of like an anenome that is coming out from a shell. all these bright purple strand like tentacles that are curved all in the same direction and extend and sweep around. they keeep touching me and trying to touch me and i think they are going to do something to me. ricky is trying to scare me wwith things in the water and i get upset and maybe start crying because it is scary and hes making things up and we've already stolen a car.

we go back to my place and it turns out i live in a dorm. instead of bunk beds i think i actually sleep in the same upper bunk bed as my room mate who i notice is there way too long into a makeout session with ricky. i see him and notice he is studying. he gives us a sheepish wierd look and we roll over to sleep or watch a movie. he is studying with a little book light thing and when we roll over to sleep ricky turns back and cuts off thee light. i tell him he cant do that and get out of bed. ricky calls nino and is talking about how much he hates those little booklights and how it must be perfectly understandable for him to need to turn it off. I go out into the hall of the dorm and a girl comes up to me and asks me if she can use me as a presentor for her project. i remember i go to a school for sortof tech-savvy pseudo art (i dont know why). she says she noticed me and how i have a gladiator persona that not too many people have anymore. I have to meet her at a panel like table meeting later. she shows pictures that she took of me in the grocery store or home depot where i am carrying heavy bag in each arm and my elbows are bent but my fists are raised up by my head...i guess this is what makes my persona "gladiator-like".

i notice what looks like a dead flower or flower-bud on my eyelash and pull it off. when i do a ton of other flower-heads come off. i dont know whether these are my eyelashes or not and i have to talk to someone without knowing right after.

after the eyelash incident and at the gladiator meeting, which ricky comes to, my face turns purple-red like a birthmark and gets very hot. when i go to the bathroom to check it out it has cleared up a little but my face is puffy and also my eyebrows have turned thin and blonde. i try to tell ricky about it. i think it may have been because they were going to take my picture.

october 12th (night of andrew bird and the eic lesbian come-on --sophia)

i am at a school in paris and im pretty sure everyone is a lesbian it is an all girls college sort type deal i am good friends with rachel hardy but eliza is there and she hates me apparently i go outside and talk to rachel hardy and when i come back inside eliza said she asked for the extra room in my flat and her friend in the other room so we will all be living together in a suite it occurs to me that eliza is a skilled manipulator and she is going to try to do some crazy shit to me-- i am only sort of worried about this,-art of me likes the idea of being hated then i am in my parents kitchen (but still at the school in paris) and maria and someone else have ordered izza and it is taking forver to get her, i realize i cant eat it and think about ordering a cheeseless pizza and then think maybe i can make it instead and then alex calls me and is trying to get me to order her a pizza even thought she already had a pizza and i ask her what she is doing and she says she is drinking with her parents and watching movies and wants to eat a lot of pizzas because shes not going out tonight and shes with her parents, i say that she should eat more regularly at night and she says i know but i havent eaten all week, edit-- i also remember a oint where chelsea and will are arguing over who i have left my leftover oatmeal to in my will or who i will leave it to