First meeting up with Jonathan in New York, we are going to some place like maybe an aquarium or something, someplace where the cafe outside has really great she'll macaroni and salad Jonathan says. We are taking the subway and when we go to get off there is a kind of hospital burlap fabric lip coming off the subway train which you are supposed to step on before you step on the platform outside and you can see how far up we are in between the fabric lip and the platform. I get petrified of the height and fall to the ground. Jonathan gingerly steps off the train. I have to crawl off on all fours and one we get on the platform I am leaning with my arms on the rail and not wearing glasses and realize if I pushed off I would fall all the way down, probably to my death. What is going on with the subways in New York?

We get down to the food court and there are already made cups of juice with alfalfa sprouts in them in a vertical row like flowers might be placed in a metal wire holder. We go to a table and I guess Jonathan has already been here and order the macaroni and salad and he gives me his leftovers.

Then I am meeting up with Sarah Lyle. She comes and meets me at the food court. I ask her about her marriage which I almost forget about since she is in New York. She says she's broken up with him so many times since they got married and says I never liked him anyway. I say I do like him. I ask her why I wasn't invited to the wedding and she gets quiet and upset about that. We talk about her family and remember all the time we spent in her house and where we slept. I see some video of Vanessa and she is a little girl still but there is a littler girl with brown hair and I don't know who she is, she's like a replacement character to the Lyle family like its the Cosby show when I'm watching it, and then a child version marykate Olsen interrupts with a hula hoop. They are all performing.

Sarah and I go on some kind of ride like a roller coaster and then are hanging out in some kind of outdoor pen and these guys come in humans but they are actually some kind of advance bird that acts and looks like a dumb human and they all drop out the other side of the pen like penguins after we say things to them and they act dumb.

We go to Laura garveys house and some other people from high school are there also and talking about how Laura is and how Laura's mom is cool I guess. Laura's mom comes home and changes in front of everyone, gets naked, but puts something else on and then is playing with the dog. I think we were talking about how uptight Laura is and her mom is totally different. I like her mom and we start playing together, she pours everyone white wine and we go in the pool, turn things into a party.

Then at alvans house and his house is a lux apartment all white. We are sitting on sofas talking and then Laura garveys mom shows up. Alvan says he doesn't have the wine. I guess every time Laura's mom shows up she pours white wine for everyone. She says she brought some and I say I will help her  get the glasses but I go to the bathroom first.

Marilyn Manson is at alvans house I guess and we end up in another room with him. He and I are really hitting it off and he is pretty into me. He starts hitting on me and wants to hook up right there. I am attracted to him but not hooking up with him. Sarah Lyle and maybe Katie baker are both there. They tell him that I have a boyfriend. He is very tall.

I am at some kind of lesbian parade and maybe dressed like Amy wine house but there are other girls definitely dressed like amywinehouse and trying to impersonate her and sing like her but also crying and I'm not sure what I'm doing there or if I'm trying to sing like Amy wine house or if I'm just mourning her and hoping to see her- I leave the parade and go to this kind of sea side bar big open room and Jonathan is there and Lindsay and my psychiatric nurse Tara, Jonathan is talking about this Mexican place we love to go to in the city and we decide we will all go and we get there and there is some kind of new drink which is bright red and called something. That begins with an s and very strong. I am thinking whether I should get the new drink or a regular margarita. The new drink is on a pedestal in the bar and I guess Jonathan's goi g to get it. I am worried we will get the psychiatric nurse too drunk and I see her eyes crossing.

Before I find Jonathan or around the same time Mars Jupiter is there and we go to some upstairs outdoor beach bar and he is thinking we are going on a date or something and I have to leave to avoid him.

Last night eating pizza, at some kind of outdoor party family party kind of thing with barns or clubhouses and a big yard going between, reminds me of Mary lees house or a scene in the vs ysitters club, Jonathan is there... Eating pizza, lots of pizza different kinds different slices of pizza and I am eating one with vegetables tasting very good

Night before last I am sleeping with frankas only he doesn't look like frankas he looks kind of like Ben katzman and there are two other people we sleep with together and he likes to sleep with those people together with us and not just me and I am getting upset...

Night before that I am sleeping with my father but frankas is there also somewhat peripherally and I realize within the dream what is going on , seemingly become lucid 

Somewhere I also have a dream with Sarah Lyle at a restaurant type deal at a table with a white tablecloth, catching up on since she's been married and maybe she gets drunk?

^ am very glad to wake up last two nights and realize I've been dreaming and the waking reality is different

One night ago

Find Gina in a weird kind of carnival town closest resemblance in real time to a Disney world/ Salem combo am looking for a lesson or to ride, she looks like a shrunken Susan Sarandon and has apparently gone through big life changes which she alludes to, she is surrounded by friends, I guess her husband went through some, kind of sex change but she has also changed, we keep traveling on trains,

Oh there is also this cosmetic and jewelry underground boutique place where Rachael Hayes and Jonathan both work and I go there and eat lots of food that is put on tables and Rachael tells me I can  work there also, I miss getting any good makeup and this transitions into finding Gina

I ask Gina about dj and she gets more upset seeming Han about her husband and not sure whatshe says exactly but it seems he has gone off somewhere and maybe left riding and doesn't speak to her I guess, there has been some kind of split in their relationship

Leaving the underground makeup boutique or Gina I run into the Granara family and am happy to see them and follow them back wherever they came from, they are very nice, always good to see Michelle in dreams for some reason

With Gina we stop in some kind of courthouse situation for some reason with all these people on benches and we are waiting for something maybe something I said I needed pros it therapy? She is saying how great itis here in the town where she lives now and this is what it's like, outside there are carriage horses and it has an old time feel, kind of like a dream town ive been in before

I have a dog, someone has gotten it for me, itis a puppy, kind of like Chloe, it is long like an oversize hot dog dog and made of poodle , it has dark copper curly hair, like e dog Maury but darker

I forget I have itand then see it is sleeping on my parents pillows by my head

I am staying with my mother and maybe she has gotten me the dog

Whenever I forget it isee it has followed me to wherever I am

Feeling I need to go to new york for something

Get together with Jonathan and lindsay and all Lindsay's girlfriends but we are at my house and getting ready to go ona trip, I think to New York

Trying to eat before we leave, beets from a Tupperware container

Have a feeling that I am being left out in some way

At somebody's wedding in a main room in a building inside a trailer park where all these people I know are living- Jonathan is there and Monica is living in a room off the main room of the function hall. I am living somewhere in the area too it seems. Monica has a roommate but she is not there. Who is getting married? We are smoking pot in Monica's room. I see Sarah and Kathleen Kramer talking to someone by a bar, I leave before the wedding happens and end up at this house in the woods, I realize I'm in charleston almost kind of, they are having a computer technology meeting/ seminar I this building I go into which I think is a grocery store and is a grocery store and I see a guy goi g over to a big square boxed area of fruit and bringing the fruit over to thefreesample table area which is set up withweirdsushi which I take and try to eat but isn't very good, then there are sandwiches and all kinds of things but I not sure I'm supposed to be there a woman in charge of the seminar comes over to me and rubs my back, then they take us all outside and i escape through the back fence

(I remember I am missing the wedding)

I have taken my medication and am feeling all speedy and out of place, starting to think the medication has fucked me up...it's thanksgiving or a thanksgiving type gathering is happening and I am trying to leave and get to New York. I get to New York and I want to stick up birds but the birds aren't ready yet. We start walking and end up walking out into the suburbs (which has happened before) and there is a lake down below us we can see from the road  we are on (more like a pond) I see an alligator in the pond and I want to go down but we don't. I am with Alex Johnson and Jonathan and Lindsay intermittently. Lindsay is sending me messages about what everyone else gave her for her wedding. I am trying to plot a way out of Thanksgiving at my parents house and eating some kind of ravioli. It falls on the carpet and I am eating it to get rid of it and my mother comes and tells me she was going to make more.

First I take the bus to New York and walk into a store, I think I see Jonathan. There is a store with bags. And Alex Johnson. I am walking around but find nowhere to go and go back to boston and then back to New York again in one week. I think briefly about how I don't have the money to be spending on this... Someone has an apartment (Alex?) and there is a young asian man there and he comes by to give me a spare key. He has pot smoking things setup on his floor like toy trains or legos. When  I am in New York I am on the outskirts and on the outskirts there are these big colonial like houses that look like they are in a field somewhwere but they are on the outskirts of new york city in the dream. I am walking around and find an alley and at the end of the alley is a fence and boulders beyond the fence and then the ocean. I touch the fence and it almost collapses or is broken. There is a family of a woman and two kids I think, almost like gypsies, and they go on the rocks together beyond the fence. I get back on the bus to leave New York.

Alvan is talking to me about running the office for him since the other ladies he used to have help him are gone (Franny, someone else) I go into 'the tank' area and there is a big blue bench attached to the wall and suspended from the floor. The tank looks almost like an auto-body type place.

I am in France with a group of people like a school standing there with Beth. We are near a highway and maybe just got off a bus. This woman is telling us about how shes seen people come and go and how its dangerous and how you have to act a certain way and Beth does not want to hear it and is scoffing. While shes saying this stuff a bird comes by and lifts her bag, which is brilliant blue into the air and something drops out of it and the bird still has the bag and then it lets go and the woman begrudgingly goes over to where the bird dropped the bag and I am hoping she doesn't throw it away (or does so I can take it) and thinking shes missing the most beautiful thing that just happened by staying focused on her lecture!

I'm with Taylor cleaves and her boyfriend I guess and Sarah Lyle at a Chinese restaurant and there's barely anyone there and we're talking about splitting up the food and Taylor is saying to take more because I paid more. The room has a stage kind of like the middle school set for a school play only its a Chinese restaurant.  Before that I am in New York with Jonathan.

Night before last night's dream

Little Kenny comes to visit my parents house why h is open like its their house but the t.v. Set version or something. Before that Tory invites me to come out for her birthday. My mom wants to take me out for my birthday with aunt Annie. Pammie is there too and Erik. Jonathan is in town and meeting up with Shannon and calling me when me and Lindsay get to the hull restaurant called sailors or something so were all there at the same time. We drink white wine . Then I'm at my parents house talking to Tory about going away somewhere and I wonder if max is coming. Little Kenny is talking but no ones talking to him excepted dad, about sports. I notice little things he's saying that are turns of phrase and not quite true. He has little blue slippers on his feet and they are near me in the living room so I roll away. We end up in something like a tree house or a house addition, seems like in hull. Rob is there and was there before or I was with him before I left to go to all these reunions. When I'm at the house I keep trying to make us cheese sandwiches with this cranberry but bread that is laying out but I keep getting interrupted. In the tree house ish room we are back together only someone else is there and little Kenny and we are trying to get it on. We start making out and stuff and he looks like a different person, very feminine in the face like a Mexican lesbian lady and kind of meaty and shorter but with the same tattoos. We are in some kind of Chinese boxing place before that where Asian girls are competing in gymnastics and I have been there before. Certain things play like videos I assume rob and I are watching that are scenes from my life; one I am filming and feeding animals, a snake maybe an ostrich, I am with some friends and all these animals and my hair is long, another I am a small person like a child wearing a blue machinist looking outfit and trying to board a train

I am trying to get someone to go to New York with me. I am living in Norwell with my parents it seems like but I have the mini-van. I get Monica to say she is going with me but then something happens and she gets weird about it or she won't come for some reason...maybe something to do with pot. Lindsay is around at some point too but she can't go to New York...

I think I end up taking a bus and I show up in New York and its different, its that weird street that is kind of like the NYU dining halls, a combo of that and the weird stretch between Harvard square and central where they6 have the restaurants you can see through the windows and kind of look like a strip mall and there's the weird square type cement step thing behind it. Its night when I get there and I go up or down an escalator.
I turn up and walk out through a series of parking garages and end up in a mall. I am carrying things with me, something heavy.

I find Jonathan and we leave and are walking I think but it feels like a car. We are talking and I am worried about him and happy to be in New York. I ask him who his best friend is and he can't answer. He says he goes over Tyler's often and makes a remark about his apartment and how gaudy it is, as if it is all gold-plated but very small (reminds me of the discussion on Psy and the subtext of Gangam style). We are in his apartment, it doesn't feel like New York. I drop my bags there.

somehow i get involved with jimmy fallon. it is something like we go on a trip and he is there and i meet him and sortof tell him i am in love with him and then he is in love with me too. his mother is there. we keep walking around in a big group. jonathan might be there too. i am aware that i am supposed to be involved with someone else, maybe will. when we first get there he has a girlfriend but she is really young, like 16, and not that smart so I don't feel too bad about taking jimmy away from her. we may be at an amusement park. me and jimmy fallon are connected at the hip and never seperate from one another. we make out a lot. he thinks all the things i think are funny and he is so fun and cheerful to be around. i really think we are in love. in the morning some number calls me with a 917 area code (real life) and i think it is probably jimmy calling me and go back to sleep. at the end of the dream i have gotten my period somehow or am bleeding and i've gotten blood all over everything and i am terrified that jimmy and everyone is going to find out and am thinking how i can clean everything up. then i remind myself this couldn't possibly be real and i don't need to deal with it because its a dream. i think i woke up after that.

i am on some wierd trip with jonathan. he is annoying me.

i am driving around with lindsay and jonathan. we go to barnes & nobles. i have to buy school supplies but i forget. he almost tips the car over three times then he asks me to go to california. his parents are paying and we are going only for a few hours. it is to see someone graduate or something. i am excited because ive never been to california but i have to tell my parents and be back to school by monday. waiting for the airplane me and my family sit on the sofa and have cups of water that we spit into sometimes. we watch this movie where this one guy kills the last guy by jumping on him in the ocean in the last scene. the other guy says wait i need to unbubkle my belt first and then the other guy stabs him in the neck.

DECEMBER 6TH 2009

right when i wake up me and justin yampolsky have just started kissing outside of maybank whgich is also sort of a grocery store and it iswonderful but then he turns into derek campanelli and i almost forget.

before that i had gone on some wierd trip. maybe to new york. jonathan is there in a building like the painting studio and plays me a velevt underground cover that sharon lacey has recorded and says its a big hit. i say shes a painting professor and shes right here! and she is right there and says there is some artist around the corner like i am going to get to talk to him. then jonathan starts acting really strange and embarassing in front of the artist and i have to try and get him to leave. i realize there is blood on my neck and my knee and sharon lacey examines it and tells me i have a worm. i spend the rest of the time trying to convince my family that i have a worm but no one will listen or believes me.