antonia villa art gallery cafe mind video

at some kind of open art gallery cafe -- all white interior // open space // something like new alliance or a familiar familial art space--- a bar to the left of me-- almost like in fact it really IS channel cafe, the setup of the room and even the door that leads to stairs

there with someone - chris ? - talking, not many people there --- and i see antonia villa coming up  from the stairs through a door carrying a box in her arms

i realize she is moving out of her studio which must be through the door down the stairs--- still aware that its a suprise to see her and shes moved away and how is she here?

i call out to her and try to talk to her and she ignores me -- keeps moving out -- i go up to her and not even sure she talks to me then--

then i see her sitting in a chair on video like shes talking to the camera -- and i know im seeing her talking but that shes not talking to me somehow-- like some kind of mind video ---

and she is saying she loves me but something like she hates me or doesnt want to know me now because she wanted to be with me and doesnt want to be just friends

and there is something like a small chichuaha in her lap 

may 17

Something like thanksgiving going on at my parents house but maybe it's Halloween I am going yo have my own party or go to my own party- my parents are having people over/ they come back with Kenny and Kathy and others - my mom is in the kitchen and says I'm not allowed to use the plates for one month because of how I was them ( and nothing is working out with my party plans ) and I say BITCH ASSHOLE and my dad is cooking turkey in the oven and he takes out the turkey and rubs it on me and I am screaming and saying how I hate them all and how he is only doing that because he knows it's wrong and how I love the turkey more than him because the turkey never did anything and I mean it

Fall back into it and I am in a room that is antonias room with a girl Kelsey Ellington who is her roomate but I think antonias last name is Ellington Antonia isn't there but nemo is. The girl is kind of like the girl painting the lizard down the street from blanc gallery - she us making jewelery and has all these jewelry pieces- I guess she is friends with nemo- I feel like we are in Allston- I am doing something and kicking around shoes from underneath antonias bed trying to make room- this is how I know it is her room

i am with my family around the holidays. parents, erik, uncle kenny... end up getting in a fight and going "fuck you fuck you fuck you" to everyone.

something about blue.

lindsay comes over and sleeps over and we are going christmas shopping. everyone is all in this big christmas shopping store which is also a bar/restaurant attached.

am looking through all the items and then find my parents with antonia at the bar, having beer and she is having a cider. i go over but they don't get me  anything. i am still upset with them.

in some kind of mall...or fairground...

driving around in a car with antonia...bright sun...looking at a big stack of junk and bricks and debris...bright colors on a brick wall...like graffitti...

i am at some strange house that is supposed to be my mom's house. she comes in in a bath robe looking like she's been crying and says she's not going. i guess she got in a fight with erik and he slit both her cheeks, just like a little knife slit like the guy does to charlie sheen in platoon, but i guess he did it with his fingernails. she says she is not going to the party.

i am with antonia. we are going to the party it is her birthday party.

there is some odd work study girl who i only kind of know also at my mothers house staying mostly with my mother i guess.

i leave and go to another country that seems almost yiddish or -stani. i am thinking i might miss the party and I'm not sure if I'm allowed in this country. i see a pet store and i go in.

in the pet store there is one gray cockateil the size of a cockatoo in a large cage. there are other large and exotic parrot birds in cages. the cocktail is advertised for $6 and $6.$12 in total i am guessing. i ask the clerk woman about it. she says cockatiels are kind of boring. this one is missing some feathers under his beak and does not move at all.

i am thinking of buying the cocktail but i see a beaded kind of wide beaded necklace array and i think i should buy it for antonia's birthday. i ask the clerk woman for it.

one piece is a long wide beaded necklace. another piece is a beaded bag. and another piece is a beaded hat. antonia will love it. it is only $6.60. the pet store is also a bar. the clerk woman is very nice and grateful for my purchases. the country is kinder to me than i expected. i am glad i have come in.

i make it back to the apartment/house and there is still time to get to antennas party. i am packing lots of bird sticker materials and clothes and hiding the present in a duffel bag. it is going to be a kind of art party. by the ocean.

(at some point it feels like antonia and her sister turn into my cousins leslie and erin and we are consoling my mom, i only remember remembering this)

my mom and the work study girl have been watching a movie. i am secretly drinking wine or something and hoping i haven't too drunk,or was that after.

the work study girl wants to go to the party and then my mom wants to see the present i got antonia. she is going to drive us to the party. i am rifling through my duffel bag to find the present to show her.

night before last

night before last- i saw sara silk on the street in boston and went with her somewhere and was running into people i knew and we both knew, i was at some kind of art warehouse type thing that i think we were in control of, antonia there, other people, i think we were having some kind of event.

last night frankas dreamed we were being chased around by a corrupt cop and lawyer, inside, outside, and they were shooting at us. it culminated at a liquor store we must have gone in and the cop and lawyer showed up and then frankas woke up. we did not get shot. before that he dreamt we were moving carly's furniture and there were all these bed bugs that came out and he was trying to kill the bed bugs.

December 11th 2015

Francesca Antonia

A big warehouse type space where everyone from emf and beyond is there doing something

Perez Ricardo wants to know why I'm nice to him and why I treat him he way I do- I hear him talking to me from behind and I know he is pushing a shopping cart

Terence is here too there is some kind of comedy fight going on, someone has changed the tile in one of the big rooms of the wArehouse and I notice

Dave trees art is there

I have a car and Francesca villa comes in during the comedy fight and dissolves it somehow she gets in my car and I am giving her a ride before that she is sitting next to me and I ask her if she went to Antonia's wine party and she said no in her way it was ok she was watching some kangaroo show which I somehow know is a cartoon

We get in the car and i tell her it's ok even if she doubts me I feel I will prove myself to her eventually and am going to tell her about being the third and oldest villa to my surprise but see maybe she is about to cry and then she gets out of the car

Someone takes my car and iam looking around for it and upset, something has changed once the warehouse is outside

Before this I go to Sara silk and Lisa barons apartment and have a glass of wine and they are doing something there having some kind of party or something very glad I came and interested in me but the party is wrapping up too and I leave

When I lose the car I also lose a motorcycle I had somehow and iam walking around the outside warehouse area and I hear jonand kaz and people and then I see Jon and some people I the hallway and give him a long hug, I don't know what they are doing,no kaz, then I walk outside and I see kaz by the side of a building

Frankas Antonia and I go to an event at this place that she knows, some kind of educational facility, we go and sit at a table. Frankas is dressed up like a woman wearing a kind of a garden party outfit. we are sitting at the table and i notice some blood on his face. then i notice his nose is bleeding and i tell him and he leaves. i forget what happens at the party after that,

either i leave and com back or i never leave. you walk into this place and it seems like they are always serving some kind of sponge loaf of bread. i think maybe i went first with antonia and they had the sponge bread and then we came back with frankas.

when we are leaving their is a kind of woody academic looking hall of sorts with pews in it where people go through or stay in on their way in or out. artie lange comes in and everyone is greeting him. he is kind of a midget with a gigantic head, normal looking but gigantic like a bobble head and lots of hair and not that fat just a midget. and he is looking at us and is friends with everyone at this academy. i see him there more than once.

i go back again alone and up a set of stairs and it is a class going on, i just participate in the class very easily. one time we are watching a movie that could be described as 'magical realism' there is a boy and a horse that explodes into cigars and i am forgetting the plot but it was very loose.

i go back again and the teacher had passed out a one page pamphlet writing type thing for everyone to read before the class, i don't have one so i turn around to leave and she follows me out into the hall. i ask her if she has any extra papers but she says no. she shows me the paper and i realize its some kind of propaganda poster related to that movie we watched with the little boy and the horse.

antonia shows up looking different a few times.

i go back again and there are two girls at a table kind of like a cafeteria table. another time i am eating the sponge cake or whatever and there is one girl with blonde hair kind of like dana and i guess this place or a nearby place outside this place is a music school. i have the vague idea that we are still in boston. a man comes up out of nowhere and he sounds like ryan douglass but he is a little bit older man and he is coming to talk to dana and tell her how  great her music is and how special he thinks it is and how she should play her guitar out on the street and get students for music lessons and play the students her music. he is saying this stuff to her and she just acts very clearly creeped out by him. she says "you seem really happy" in a kind of petrified kind of way...

then later at the table i am asking one girl about the school, also with long blond hair but a different girl. and she says she's been going there for a long time and I'm asking her about how do they teach and what she remembers and she is trying to think of what she remembers the most and her mannerisms are kind of funny and me and the girl next to me are kind of laughing at that in an inclusive way.

then there is a big food serving, and i guess this is what we're all waiting for, becuas we've just been at the table talking about the school and an older woman comes in and asks whats going on and someone says we have a sub or something today so then they bring out this hot pasta and stuff and put it in the other room.i goto get some and am preparing a great bowl which i misplace.

travis shows up here and is annoying somehow I'm not sure what he does but i end up kicking him and hitting him and every time i do he complains very loudly and says his shoulder is broken and says how hurt he is but also like he's encouraging me to hit him and just wants to show the other people there how hurt he is by me and i am trying to show them what a liar he is and a scape.

when i look for my food bowl it has been almost eaten, one of the other students points at it and i can see its been eaten and they say some little kid came in and ate it so i am trying to re-prepare the food bowl.

I am on a journey some kind of art tour with Antonia and coriander and we are on a big bus with other people on the bus also who are not on the art tour. I can see the art in the bathrroom, sometimes the bus seems bigger than a bus and more like a building by the large bathrooms which we have been doing art in, there is lots of black, big birds on paper and the birds are colorful neon like primary neon color with black painted all over the background and Antonia has some pieces of hers like this too with lots of black negative space. We are on the bus and we stop and stay at Amanda's house and I think thrones grandma lives there too and some other women and not sure if Amanda is there but don't think she is, there are big oriental rugs curling up at the edges of the room laid out in the bedroom, the rooms are large, and all the furniture and furnishings in the room are wrapped and covered in brown paper, I am looking around and thinking whe does Amanda sleep and thinking she stayed in the other room. I use the bathroom and in the bathroom there is shit on the floor by the toilet and I am guessing it is to do with something like one of the women is kind of crazy, like they'd are living in poverty but the house is nice and there doesn't seem enough reason for it to be that way...I am trying to use the mirror or the toilet and avoid the shit and its very disturbing to be in there

We get back on the bus and somewhere the bus stops and I know it is San Francisco and I get off the bus and call anson thinking maybe he will show up right there and meet my friends and he answers but hangs up quick and I don't see him I realize Antonia and coriander aren't with me and I've gotten off the bus thinking we must be changing buses but maybe we weren't- I get on the next bus and somehow a while later we all realize we're on the same bus again..

We're making art in a house and then I see the paintings on paper the black and neon birds and Antonia's pieces fractal pieces hanging up on a wall very tight and close together like maybe we're having an art show..

Something like we are talking about how Howard Stern did something rude and din't realize it was rude and people are saying he has no manners but like Robin is pointing out he's embarrassed about the situation and that proves that he does have manners...Antonia and I in the woods, we end up at a zoo and this zoo I've been to like 4 times in the past month. I keep going to this zoo. Maybe I keep going to the zoo in dreams. Is it the same zoo as with the monkey? this time it is more woody and froggy and like the pretend Italy I went to with Maria. there is a frog in the pond and we are looking at the frog. There is like a long river.

Antonia wearing a SHIRT that says cakes on it and pointing it out and thinking its funny (corrob with coriander drawing circa today?)

Alvan guiding me through a situation

Somewhere at a party like Dave Trees I am in the corner of the front room and have a raised view like I would be floating in the corner...

Travis trying to complain to anyone about something + crying and looking for someone to validate his crying but I don't appreciate it