12/18/16

big kind of thanksgiving party going on at my house. lots of people animals and things everywhere.

leslie is sitting at a picnic table outside by herself in the midst of the party.

she is wearing a wedding dress with her head in one hand and just kind of staring at a point in space.

i keep looking over at here from the crowd im in. my mom comes over and tells me to do something,

to pay attention to someone.

i go upstairs bc maybe i am needing to roll a joint or get a drink. i go in my room. i think its a mess.

i see little rodents. it turns out they are gerbils which my mom got for a specific reason but im not sure what that is.

there may be 11 of them.

they are sick or something is needed for them. my mom takes each of them and squirts some kind of orange fluid

in them or on them so they all have a trail of orange fluid. they are running around.

they look like stuffed animals in a way, like stuffed squirrels.

they are always sitting straight up and never walking on all fours.

this is what makes them gerbils.

i take too long in my room or something and then my mom is there, somewhere.

she is holding a sponge and angry. she is about to sponge down an orange-yellow plastic

tablecloth & she is about to cut into me about something i did or did not do.


(wake up & it turns out that my dad is in the hospital again)

amy winehouse is my best friend, shes at this party with me, some kind of family party.

we are partying and drinking. i think she is wearing a white tank top.

the party is partly outside. there is some kind of stage.

i can feel her energy & she is a comfort to me.

travis and i are on tour. maybe someone else is with us also. someone is there when we get there, maybe jacki maynard, she is so excited that we are there and running around and wants to go next door. i guess we have played here before.

right before i wake up there is this other band playing in ernie paulins room, i think out of speakers and they are singing "somethin something something, SON,  well im the devil on the run" and i am thinking this song and this band is so good and wishing i wrote this song (although maybe i did)

we drive to the venue in a car and it is far away, maybe austin texas and we meet up with ernie paulin who we are staying with. the venue is one room that seems less like an actual venue and more like a dark empty room with no chairs and it is connected to a bar. i am drinking during the performance.

afterwards we are at ernie paulins and i notice which i noticed before he has long black scraggly hair, but at his apartment i see his hair on the sofa and realize its a wig. he is ranting about who is taking care of me? and all this stuff as if i need a babysitter or something, very brotherly like but tongue in cheek. i am eating cheetos out of my backpack and remembering i have a piece of pizza somewhere which i have been saving and thinking i should eat it. i am sitting on the floor in this dark room of his apartment and travis is on the couch. i keep asking him questions and he is acting like he cant be bothered but he is very manic like pacing around and funny. i ask him how many people live in the house? he says 17. he says he knew i forgot something while i was performing because i was drinking. i said i didnt forget anything. travis loks delighted at ernie. it is almost like a blacklight room. he goes up to the wall at some point and touches this wooden block that has something printed on it and is sticking out of the wall. the wood block wiggles like it is made out of sensitive flimsy rubber. i want to investigate it but i don't get up. i decide i will check it out later. then the song comes on (i can see the band in my mind but i am still in the room).

then my birth control alarm goes off

had a weird double chin i could not change. decided it was from drinking and will no longer drink.