go to a museum with aunt kathy jenny kashuck lindsay bohan -- we are going in the morning only its afternoon but i am tired and want coffee really badly but we have to go to the empty museum---

aunt kathy has something / shows me something -- made of wood ?

and there is no coffee and its late enough that we go to some social in some restauranty type part of the museum and have drinks

run into jacki maynard and know that she just had a child recently and start walking down the stairs with her and am saying how amazing it was she got pregnant and had this baby and looks great

and she says 'i was really hoping you were going to have a babay and i waited 6 years for you to have it' and she says it like we all had six years to have a baby and the time is over ---

and it really strikes me and i turn to her and say 'im going to have a baby'

(and i wake up and am somehow relieved to remember that jacki maynard doesnt even have a baby and my 6 years arent up)


*a few nights ago john cremona showed up and i was so happy to see him but i dont remember where and what happened*

12/18/16

big kind of thanksgiving party going on at my house. lots of people animals and things everywhere.

leslie is sitting at a picnic table outside by herself in the midst of the party.

she is wearing a wedding dress with her head in one hand and just kind of staring at a point in space.

i keep looking over at here from the crowd im in. my mom comes over and tells me to do something,

to pay attention to someone.

i go upstairs bc maybe i am needing to roll a joint or get a drink. i go in my room. i think its a mess.

i see little rodents. it turns out they are gerbils which my mom got for a specific reason but im not sure what that is.

there may be 11 of them.

they are sick or something is needed for them. my mom takes each of them and squirts some kind of orange fluid

in them or on them so they all have a trail of orange fluid. they are running around.

they look like stuffed animals in a way, like stuffed squirrels.

they are always sitting straight up and never walking on all fours.

this is what makes them gerbils.

i take too long in my room or something and then my mom is there, somewhere.

she is holding a sponge and angry. she is about to sponge down an orange-yellow plastic

tablecloth & she is about to cut into me about something i did or did not do.


(wake up & it turns out that my dad is in the hospital again)