i am with my family around the holidays. parents, erik, uncle kenny... end up getting in a fight and going "fuck you fuck you fuck you" to everyone.

something about blue.

lindsay comes over and sleeps over and we are going christmas shopping. everyone is all in this big christmas shopping store which is also a bar/restaurant attached.

am looking through all the items and then find my parents with antonia at the bar, having beer and she is having a cider. i go over but they don't get me  anything. i am still upset with them.

I am at some kind of lesbian parade and maybe dressed like Amy wine house but there are other girls definitely dressed like amywinehouse and trying to impersonate her and sing like her but also crying and I'm not sure what I'm doing there or if I'm trying to sing like Amy wine house or if I'm just mourning her and hoping to see her- I leave the parade and go to this kind of sea side bar big open room and Jonathan is there and Lindsay and my psychiatric nurse Tara, Jonathan is talking about this Mexican place we love to go to in the city and we decide we will all go and we get there and there is some kind of new drink which is bright red and called something. That begins with an s and very strong. I am thinking whether I should get the new drink or a regular margarita. The new drink is on a pedestal in the bar and I guess Jonathan's goi g to get it. I am worried we will get the psychiatric nurse too drunk and I see her eyes crossing.

Before I find Jonathan or around the same time Mars Jupiter is there and we go to some upstairs outdoor beach bar and he is thinking we are going on a date or something and I have to leave to avoid him.

I have a dog, someone has gotten it for me, itis a puppy, kind of like Chloe, it is long like an oversize hot dog dog and made of poodle , it has dark copper curly hair, like e dog Maury but darker

I forget I have itand then see it is sleeping on my parents pillows by my head

I am staying with my mother and maybe she has gotten me the dog

Whenever I forget it isee it has followed me to wherever I am

Feeling I need to go to new york for something

Get together with Jonathan and lindsay and all Lindsay's girlfriends but we are at my house and getting ready to go ona trip, I think to New York

Trying to eat before we leave, beets from a Tupperware container

Have a feeling that I am being left out in some way

was with Kaz at a bar someplace else (southern?) if it doesnt connect to the dream before it / foreign if it does...

before it seems like we all got here on some group destination and i believe we took a boat, lindsay is there, and everyone is talking about what time the liquor store closes and i guess its early....

i am vaguely worrying about money and wondering if i still have a nip half full of whiskey in my pocket

we are at the bar and going to set up.. i guess we are coming here to play? that is when Kaz is here and it seems more southern... he takes a coca cola and whiskey from the bar and we split it...\

then everyone has to pay and there is some confusion and kaz is telling the waitress what he took from the bar like he knows the place already

other people are uptight and he tells them how we'll all pay for each other

i am glad he is there

he sees how people around me are questioning everything i do (this description may be a bit of a waking projection) and starts asking me about how im living/working with them

it seems to be about music

I have taken my medication and am feeling all speedy and out of place, starting to think the medication has fucked me up...it's thanksgiving or a thanksgiving type gathering is happening and I am trying to leave and get to New York. I get to New York and I want to stick up birds but the birds aren't ready yet. We start walking and end up walking out into the suburbs (which has happened before) and there is a lake down below us we can see from the road  we are on (more like a pond) I see an alligator in the pond and I want to go down but we don't. I am with Alex Johnson and Jonathan and Lindsay intermittently. Lindsay is sending me messages about what everyone else gave her for her wedding. I am trying to plot a way out of Thanksgiving at my parents house and eating some kind of ravioli. It falls on the carpet and I am eating it to get rid of it and my mother comes and tells me she was going to make more.

Dreamed I was with Rob Potylo, we were moving, like we had to keep moving, kind of like we were traveling. We were touching and I guess we were together. It was still like there was some kind of hesitation but I was overcoming it with love and we needed each other like two crust punk dogs riding the trains together. It felt a but like we were in Italy, a bit like me and Lindsay when we kept falling asleep in the Vatican and had to keep moving. At one point we are sitting on a bench together sometimes curled up together and it's almost like I remember reality and am surprised each time were cuddled up in the dream, but were going through something.

I'm with Taylor cleaves and her boyfriend I guess and Sarah Lyle at a Chinese restaurant and there's barely anyone there and we're talking about splitting up the food and Taylor is saying to take more because I paid more. The room has a stage kind of like the middle school set for a school play only its a Chinese restaurant.  Before that I am in New York with Jonathan.

Night before last night's dream

Little Kenny comes to visit my parents house why h is open like its their house but the t.v. Set version or something. Before that Tory invites me to come out for her birthday. My mom wants to take me out for my birthday with aunt Annie. Pammie is there too and Erik. Jonathan is in town and meeting up with Shannon and calling me when me and Lindsay get to the hull restaurant called sailors or something so were all there at the same time. We drink white wine . Then I'm at my parents house talking to Tory about going away somewhere and I wonder if max is coming. Little Kenny is talking but no ones talking to him excepted dad, about sports. I notice little things he's saying that are turns of phrase and not quite true. He has little blue slippers on his feet and they are near me in the living room so I roll away. We end up in something like a tree house or a house addition, seems like in hull. Rob is there and was there before or I was with him before I left to go to all these reunions. When I'm at the house I keep trying to make us cheese sandwiches with this cranberry but bread that is laying out but I keep getting interrupted. In the tree house ish room we are back together only someone else is there and little Kenny and we are trying to get it on. We start making out and stuff and he looks like a different person, very feminine in the face like a Mexican lesbian lady and kind of meaty and shorter but with the same tattoos. We are in some kind of Chinese boxing place before that where Asian girls are competing in gymnastics and I have been there before. Certain things play like videos I assume rob and I are watching that are scenes from my life; one I am filming and feeding animals, a snake maybe an ostrich, I am with some friends and all these animals and my hair is long, another I am a small person like a child wearing a blue machinist looking outfit and trying to board a train

I am trying to get someone to go to New York with me. I am living in Norwell with my parents it seems like but I have the mini-van. I get Monica to say she is going with me but then something happens and she gets weird about it or she won't come for some reason...maybe something to do with pot. Lindsay is around at some point too but she can't go to New York...

I think I end up taking a bus and I show up in New York and its different, its that weird street that is kind of like the NYU dining halls, a combo of that and the weird stretch between Harvard square and central where they6 have the restaurants you can see through the windows and kind of look like a strip mall and there's the weird square type cement step thing behind it. Its night when I get there and I go up or down an escalator.
I turn up and walk out through a series of parking garages and end up in a mall. I am carrying things with me, something heavy.

I find Jonathan and we leave and are walking I think but it feels like a car. We are talking and I am worried about him and happy to be in New York. I ask him who his best friend is and he can't answer. He says he goes over Tyler's often and makes a remark about his apartment and how gaudy it is, as if it is all gold-plated but very small (reminds me of the discussion on Psy and the subtext of Gangam style). We are in his apartment, it doesn't feel like New York. I drop my bags there.