There is a big dance like it is the end of school or graduation. I am wearing a short tight dress and trying to get all my girlfriends to dance. They are all drunk and arguing sort of like they are all girls who sort of know each other but don,t get along/ maybe I am he only link between them. It seems to be a mix of high school and college. Jared charsewski is there and I sort of flirt with him. I am running around everywhere. My art might be hanging somewhere like it's the final art show or something. John hull comes up to me and says that I was one o ten that could do something, maybe hang my art, and then that there were only two peoe who could wot calmly through a review with both barbAra and peacock (I am not one of the two and for some reason I think Dana Theringer is one). More people show up and I feel drunker. I start Dancing with Tony white from the basketball team. He comes up behinds and leads me to the Dance floor. I am pretty into it. When we first start dancing I am doing moves and goin low, and I feel as if people are watching (Jared charsewski) and are impressed with my moves. Then I am dancing with Tony and he is no longer behind me. He goes out on a limb dancing and gets embarrassed .

The dream reminds me of a highschool college afterparty that I went to in another dream.

i remember rolling joints, i think with lindsay, and they were really big and all marajuana, not tobacco. the weed all rolled together and formed one long weed-stick that looked like play-doh. then i was with jared charzewski and he had some kid with him and i think maybe i had someone with me. we took some sort of drug like oycontin or something, a strong kind of pill, and jared told the kid to relax and enjoy his high and save the rest of it for later. i'm not sure what happened with me and jared.

me and chelsea and will all live in a big long house. there are tons of light switches and the house goes on for a long ways, im not sure if there's an upstairs. at one point i am at the barn and there are only ponies there. i think people are living there or i am going to live there. at the house jarod and his wife come by and i show them through the whole house turning on all the light switches as we go back but the house never gets very lit up. the three of us start playing a game like monkey in the middle, i think i ask them if they want to play monkey in the middle. jarod thinks monkey in the middle is some other game but we decide its because he is canadian. his wife and i become friends and they waltz out the door.

i am in the studio. i have built three pieces of ice cream/ three eggs/ 3 white discs/ a hamburger sculpture which sits in a wheelbarrow/ sheet of paper sculpture. i go to the recovery room which is across the street, there is something going on at every bar tonight. i sit outside and draw on the picnic table. jarod comes in but doesn't see me. i may be wearing a mask, then. i go in after and someone (anson/ geoff) tells me i shouldn't do anything with jarod. i see jarod later and he has a milkshake from baskin robbins. he went and bought it, came back, and filled it with vodka. I know then i am there for him so i leave & go back to the studio. someone else has sculpted a huge plastic bunny. sharon lacey is up there and she is talking about how she is dating matt foreman like we both know it and its ok. she says she has a problem with a student on facebook ( dana). a man (officer) comes in and says students can only use the studio from 5-9 because the orchestra needs to practice. sharon lacey argues with him. i notice lacey is wearing a sudafed t-shirt and try to show her the sudafed packs i have in nane's old purse but i brought the wrong one. lacey says she also has things like that. lacey wants to go to the recovery room, then. she thinks she will introduce me to jarod. we go to the recovery room together.

anson and matt rabon are talking about roland. they say he draws graves all the time and plays nintendo with a wierd look in his eye. elso that him and someone else look at porn all the time.
before that alex tells me jarod charsewski dated michelle bain and i suddenly remember. jarod is a teacher at my school which is sort of like highschool. we drive around through a maze like thing in a golf cArt to get to his studio. he keeps touching me and people walk in and nearly see us. maria is there and tells me i've got to leave. ther3e is a miscellany meeting i am unprepared for and its because i was out drinking all night. maria says she went out dribnking too.

before thAT I AM IN SCOTT peeples class (which i missed today) and he is singing folk songs. we sing back and forth to each other. he says its important that everyone be in class. he's glad i'm there. i also think maybe hes sleeping.

i tell jarod i think that maybe people come into my dreams when i am in their dreams and he nods like he knows what i mean, then i say but you-- and i am embarassed.

right before i wake up i am trying to tell my father i got kidnapped. he won't listen, he is talking about how i need to shut the window in my room. before that i had tried to tell my mother on the phone butmary had answered and said it would take too long. she wanted me to sing happy birthday to sephie. the kidnapper showed up in the beginning of the dream and was someone who went to norwell high but wasnt a real person i know. his name was ari gold, he may have been in my brothers grade. me and maria left my house to go to a party and he showed up again in the front yard and the car went into the front bushes. his head was in the front window but we got away. then later i was driving down the highway or something by myself and all of a sudden he was in the car. i was never very scared of him but i told him i was going to call the police or my home phone. now that i think of it i was actually just leaving my driveway. i told him i would cALL my house and then kept trying. he didn't try to make me stop but i couldnt remember my phone number. i got rid of him by getting in an accident where we ended up in two cars. he said i'm sorry...i said for what!? for kidnapping me!? for crashing into me!? he looked guilty. somehow i got to see him telling his mom how crazy he was. she could tell he was a cleptomaniac. before that i was in some college town trying to go to an art show. john was there and chelsea i think and paige. jared spooned me for a minute at some point, i'm not sure if we had the sex. when i was first going to sleep i could wave in between. i would be talking to someone in my dream and have the sensation that i was raising my left hand to my face and then i could tell i was sleeping and feel my hands were in the same place.

my family goes on a trip to a special cove like place that is sort of like iceland or antartica, it is all white and snowy and centered around an ocean, only it isn't cold. everyone lives in little houses that are cut into the cliffs. al gore is there giving a speech about hating his wife and being upset that there is no coffee shop there. he is wearing nail polish. i am there with my parents and will and two other people with us. will is strong and picks me up a lot. he can hold me over his head. we lay down by the water for a long time. we eat dinner with my parents and they leaver and i go to get wine but the clock says its only 4 30 even though it feels very late. i go into the basement and in the refrigerator there are security cameras and i see myself on the screen, sitting in the basement. later on, i remember i have to go to check on the apartments of madame bellafont (maybe?) i think i have had to do this in dreams before. i remember she was going away and i was supposed to check the apartment. this is in paris though, and somewhere in the dream my parents and i fly to paris. i am smoking a cigarette when i gto into her apartment and i put it out on the rug. when i come back from looking around, i have burnt i white line into her rug. i cover it up with a piece of grey cloth and i hear the door open. madame belafonte comes in and is nice although i think she is usually not nice. then jarod charsewski comes in and i find out he is staying at the little icelandic cove with his wife. i look at him again and i realize he isnt wearing any clothes. a few people make jokes about this and he is pretty casual about it.

wednesday december 23rd 2009

it is time for finals. i am with monica. i am afriad i am going to fail history. i think john hull teaches my history class or is in charge of my grade. the finals are all in hugerooms like gymnasiums. there are paper lists on the wall that have a drawing of a eye and whether or not you have to take the final. i see my name and it says something about giving me a bad look. i think that maybe this means that ive failed. i leave and dont take the final. i run into jarod charsewski. there are discount packages of cookies, maybe pepperidge farm, ginger cookies, they have a milk ingrediet. later we are starving and monica eats them and i am going to eat them even though they have a milk ingredient.

(while writing this dream i remember the dream i had once where we were in the woods, in a sleigh or something almost like the festival of lights. there were deers and horses.)

dream digression- 10\09

guitar playing doesnt sound like guitar-- jared charsewski has a dream log and i see it on the internet, i go to some sort of recess in the cole school gym, jared & janelle verocchis mother are teaching the kids-- mrs verocchi comes up to me and says she thinks jared is too aggressive with the children, she says- i mean, your parents wouldnt come up to you like that! (but i think they would) i try to defend jared but feel i havent done a thorough job- then i am at some sort of camp with jared & michelle granara, i say something about being gay but make sure he knows im not