going around knowing will is in town... knowing hes at some school somewhere... first i am working or something... and im drunk and i know hes there at this place but i dont want to go late at night when im drunk but maybe im also trying to find it... feels like im walking around a grocery store...

being somewhere else and it starts to feel stupid because i know will is near by so i go to the building

when i go to the building i go up stairs and theres a big group of people in a classroom sitting down at desks and will is in the classroom and i guess they are all taking some kind of test...

and i go in and walk around and people know me and will sees me

and somehow in the background they are playing my music and whatever song it is is almost acapella and kind of strangely paced and i am wondering if it is musical enough , feeling slightly

self conscious

i go in the room and walk around but i dont sit down and take the test, i think i just see will and leave

and then i am downstairs in the building by a back door and looking through a window and i see will and his gf julia and she is wearing a red shirt that says radisson inn or something, some kind of inside joke t shirt that means shes staying there at a hotel ? or they are staying together maybe

and will is taking pictures of her on a phone and shes smiling  

11/27/2017

Going to Germany with maria martin and Danielle brutto…

First I am looking at maria’s facebook page and it has a long paragraph written and then some of her ‘long shot’ photos…my name is tagged in the long paragraph description… it is something about how she once thought she was going to be a photographer or pursue photography but isn’t anymore…

We end up going on this trip to Germany and my mother is there and Danielle brutto also comes with us… there is something like mcdonalds everywhere…we go to the first hostel we see and it is actually a school and it is something like $3 a night to stay there and all the food is free

We decide we will stay here one night and then go somewhere else

There is a big cafeteria and many common rooms.

When we leave we are on this odd train that zips around , brings us somewhere to get a ‘sandwich in a bag’ for $1… I am asking what is in the sandwich to make sure it isn’t meat…

Turns out the main thing in the sandwich is buttered pecans

The second hostel isn’t as good and we can’t find a hostel like the first one… the train takes us from the first hostel to the buttered pecan sandwiches and back 

from last week

I am in a building like a town hall or a school. Will is coming to town with his band and they are about to be big or something. I am in the front hall/foyer of the building when he gets there. There are lots of people around. Will sees me and picks me up and we are hugging each other and I'm higher than all the people around me. Will says that the band needed a singer and he was thinking I could do it. It is kind of like we are

I am working at the cafe only it is different, more beachy, like raffael's in a way and there is an upstairs and LA LA is still working there. I am doing a lot for them and running around and maybe getting yelled at, so I end up opting on going upstairs where there is some kind of school for kids and people my age with problems and special needs. Hannah (Rob's ex ) is there. I'm not sure if I go at first to join them but they all gravitate toward me right away. I am with a few of them and then one in a white kind of straight jacket grabs me and lays me down with him on a chair but in a sweet way of being like "i like you.be my friend. take a nap."everyone in the main room is sitting in chairs in a half circle curved and faced toward the front of the room away from the door. Now I remember- I had to use the bathroom and kept trying to bring it up but didn't know where it was. When the straight jacket guy has me the flip-flop guy Mansfield from the cafe comes in and eyes us and says "yeah he's got you." Hannah is in the hall after I use the bathroom and she is nice to me then.

While being there I seem to remember something like Greice was saying they had been sent there before, as if it were a kind of punishment.

Joyce asks me to get something from a wooden shelf suspended near the ceiling of the restaurant. To get down I have to climb down a ladder and I do it the wrong way which Joyce points out. I  think I am going to      fall but then I let the ladder fall gently and land on my feet.

Tammie is sitting on the stairs blocking my way. These are different stairs, like at Devons house in a way. She is wearing a big pink fur coat and I start singing Macy Gray at her and she laughs.

When I am up the stairs finally into the attic La La pops her head out and Tammie says something and we both sing "Shes a lady, wo-o-oh she's a lady" and think its very funny.

tuesday december 22nd 2009

i am at will paige and chelseas house. i find a hole in the bottom of my foot like a nail went through it. in the hole i find a millipede like worm. i shake it out and it is translucent and has lights in it. first it sqiggles around and then it blows up into a ball and flashes purple lights then goes back to a millipede and then flys off into the bathroom where i assume it goes into the toilet and is going to infect someone else. in the hole in the bottom of my foot there are what look like little tails and i assume they are millipede/ worm eggs. i shake them out. we have just finished exams or something.

sunday december 13th 2009

at first i am at some outdoor poetry event, justin maria and will pittman are there, justin and i are canoodling for a bit but he dissapears, will pittman leaves the field trip and seems surly, i think we are talking about who is the greatest or most talented among us, then i am somewhere like a school and am going to teach a riding lesson, the girl who i am teaching asks me to ask gina if she can ride a certain horse, i tell her to go ask her herself, it occurs to me that i still havent seen gina since the last time i ever saw her, dj comes up to me and asks if id be willing to make some money doing the stable radio show, every different facility at the school has a radio show, i want to do it but dont quite understand what im supposed to do or how to do it, somehow i see the radio shows for the stable recently which look like blog posts and are not good at all, then it turns into some kind of rockshow where i need to perform, it had been some sort of soiree but now there is some kind of vote going on about who will -erform next, and someone says it will be me and kimmi hendrix and someone else, i get very nervous that i am not going to know all the words to any of the songs and start trying to remember all of the wind cries mary in my head

november 30th, 2009 (night before stegner app.)

i am going to some sort of school, i am late for a halloween party. the halloween party is in a room upstairs, the building is like a high school. I have forgotten to get a costume so i go to the room early and michael haga is there getting ready for the party. he is the only one there and has a pile of costumes to choose from. i choose a panda costume and then put a mask on that has a cat shaped head and a beak. i say i am a panda dressed up for halloween but later on i forget i am a panda and think i am the hamburghler who has a proper name which michael haga knows and repeats but i keep forgettiung right after i hear it. somehow i see myself later and realize i'm in a panda suit. i think maria is there. i think other people come.

october 12th (night of andrew bird and the eic lesbian come-on --sophia)

i am at a school in paris and im pretty sure everyone is a lesbian it is an all girls college sort type deal i am good friends with rachel hardy but eliza is there and she hates me apparently i go outside and talk to rachel hardy and when i come back inside eliza said she asked for the extra room in my flat and her friend in the other room so we will all be living together in a suite it occurs to me that eliza is a skilled manipulator and she is going to try to do some crazy shit to me-- i am only sort of worried about this,-art of me likes the idea of being hated then i am in my parents kitchen (but still at the school in paris) and maria and someone else have ordered izza and it is taking forver to get her, i realize i cant eat it and think about ordering a cheeseless pizza and then think maybe i can make it instead and then alex calls me and is trying to get me to order her a pizza even thought she already had a pizza and i ask her what she is doing and she says she is drinking with her parents and watching movies and wants to eat a lot of pizzas because shes not going out tonight and shes with her parents, i say that she should eat more regularly at night and she says i know but i havent eaten all week, edit-- i also remember a oint where chelsea and will are arguing over who i have left my leftover oatmeal to in my will or who i will leave it to