First meeting up with Jonathan in New York, we are going to some place like maybe an aquarium or something, someplace where the cafe outside has really great she'll macaroni and salad Jonathan says. We are taking the subway and when we go to get off there is a kind of hospital burlap fabric lip coming off the subway train which you are supposed to step on before you step on the platform outside and you can see how far up we are in between the fabric lip and the platform. I get petrified of the height and fall to the ground. Jonathan gingerly steps off the train. I have to crawl off on all fours and one we get on the platform I am leaning with my arms on the rail and not wearing glasses and realize if I pushed off I would fall all the way down, probably to my death. What is going on with the subways in New York?

We get down to the food court and there are already made cups of juice with alfalfa sprouts in them in a vertical row like flowers might be placed in a metal wire holder. We go to a table and I guess Jonathan has already been here and order the macaroni and salad and he gives me his leftovers.

Then I am meeting up with Sarah Lyle. She comes and meets me at the food court. I ask her about her marriage which I almost forget about since she is in New York. She says she's broken up with him so many times since they got married and says I never liked him anyway. I say I do like him. I ask her why I wasn't invited to the wedding and she gets quiet and upset about that. We talk about her family and remember all the time we spent in her house and where we slept. I see some video of Vanessa and she is a little girl still but there is a littler girl with brown hair and I don't know who she is, she's like a replacement character to the Lyle family like its the Cosby show when I'm watching it, and then a child version marykate Olsen interrupts with a hula hoop. They are all performing.

Sarah and I go on some kind of ride like a roller coaster and then are hanging out in some kind of outdoor pen and these guys come in humans but they are actually some kind of advance bird that acts and looks like a dumb human and they all drop out the other side of the pen like penguins after we say things to them and they act dumb.

We go to Laura garveys house and some other people from high school are there also and talking about how Laura is and how Laura's mom is cool I guess. Laura's mom comes home and changes in front of everyone, gets naked, but puts something else on and then is playing with the dog. I think we were talking about how uptight Laura is and her mom is totally different. I like her mom and we start playing together, she pours everyone white wine and we go in the pool, turn things into a party.

Then at alvans house and his house is a lux apartment all white. We are sitting on sofas talking and then Laura garveys mom shows up. Alvan says he doesn't have the wine. I guess every time Laura's mom shows up she pours white wine for everyone. She says she brought some and I say I will help her  get the glasses but I go to the bathroom first.

Marilyn Manson is at alvans house I guess and we end up in another room with him. He and I are really hitting it off and he is pretty into me. He starts hitting on me and wants to hook up right there. I am attracted to him but not hooking up with him. Sarah Lyle and maybe Katie baker are both there. They tell him that I have a boyfriend. He is very tall.

(ricky spends the night)

ricky and i are driving in the dark in what is supposed to be cambridge i think but is more like a rural suburb ala norwell. we drive into a lot which is sort of like the bus turn around in scituate and i guess it is supposed to be a highschool parking lot. ricky goes inside or i go inside because another car comes into the lot and walks into the building. i guess ricky walks in after him. he is a pizza delivery driver. i get into the passenger seat of the car with the keys and wait for ricky and then get too nervous and jump in the drivers seat. i remember i say "just dont deliver any pizzas" i guess maybe we didnt have a car before and were walking along the road in"cambridge". it is always very dark. so we figure out the guy with the pizza is a delivery driver who is stuck in a time machine because he keeps showing up at this school lobby/ parking lot every 18 minutes with a new pizza and its the same guy with the same car. ricky gets frustrated that he keeps showing up and everytime the car dissappears. so we get in the car and drive away and i am nervous we will get caught and tthat another car in the parking lot is the police but it isnt or if it is they don't bother us. in the car we can see the pizza delivery driver still driving past us every 18 minutes.

before or after this we are outside walking around on the street and there is water like a creek. it is very dark and i am scared because ricky keeps scaring me. all of a sudden we are walking and the pavement turns into the tops of big wood telephone poles. we both go to turn back because we are so high up but then we see people walking under us on the street and sort of through the water. ricky goes back and jumps down and we walk over to the water which is full of starfish and sand dollars only all of them have only one half remaining. there is another thing sort of like an anenome that is coming out from a shell. all these bright purple strand like tentacles that are curved all in the same direction and extend and sweep around. they keeep touching me and trying to touch me and i think they are going to do something to me. ricky is trying to scare me wwith things in the water and i get upset and maybe start crying because it is scary and hes making things up and we've already stolen a car.

we go back to my place and it turns out i live in a dorm. instead of bunk beds i think i actually sleep in the same upper bunk bed as my room mate who i notice is there way too long into a makeout session with ricky. i see him and notice he is studying. he gives us a sheepish wierd look and we roll over to sleep or watch a movie. he is studying with a little book light thing and when we roll over to sleep ricky turns back and cuts off thee light. i tell him he cant do that and get out of bed. ricky calls nino and is talking about how much he hates those little booklights and how it must be perfectly understandable for him to need to turn it off. I go out into the hall of the dorm and a girl comes up to me and asks me if she can use me as a presentor for her project. i remember i go to a school for sortof tech-savvy pseudo art (i dont know why). she says she noticed me and how i have a gladiator persona that not too many people have anymore. I have to meet her at a panel like table meeting later. she shows pictures that she took of me in the grocery store or home depot where i am carrying heavy bag in each arm and my elbows are bent but my fists are raised up by my head...i guess this is what makes my persona "gladiator-like".

i notice what looks like a dead flower or flower-bud on my eyelash and pull it off. when i do a ton of other flower-heads come off. i dont know whether these are my eyelashes or not and i have to talk to someone without knowing right after.

after the eyelash incident and at the gladiator meeting, which ricky comes to, my face turns purple-red like a birthmark and gets very hot. when i go to the bathroom to check it out it has cleared up a little but my face is puffy and also my eyebrows have turned thin and blonde. i try to tell ricky about it. i think it may have been because they were going to take my picture.

dream digression- before sculpture final/ december

i dream that i make this piano thing. it is like half piano/half table and there is glass, maybe it is partly made of metal. it sits in this building like a townhouse apartment or something and floor to ceiling windows all around it. it is black red, white- the three most powerful colors. then it is suspended in the air, sort of like i am the piano-table but not really. it is on top of the buildings and i have to try to keep it from falling into the ocean (with my mind?) i lose it though and it falls int the ocean and then i am the one who is floating on top of the buildings and i have to try to keep myself from falling. there is something pulling and pushing me, like fear or gravity. i mess up and fall off the building but right then i realize i am dreaming so its ok. once i realize im dreaming i float back up to the tops of the buildings and not falling is more like a game and less like life or death.