october 16 2021

 doing a film with austin rutledge somewhere in a big dark house... im there and then realize lauren pespisa is there who i told austin i never want to film with again so i go off by myself

i tell austin i need some speed and he gives me a big capsule full of some sickly sweet stuff and i eat it in the bathroom

(irl when i wake up austin wants to film but i dont and he posts a pic of lauren on his ig)

on vacation somewhere with my mom erin and leslie, somewhere like capri or italy-- light ocean tropical beaches-- and we keep going to the same restaurants like we're running out of restaurants to go to -- and we're going somewhere on the last night and we accidentally go to the same restaurant again and leslie and my mom say how i hug erin more than them and how uncle andy said the same thing and i say i realize that and i mean to hug them all more and want to get us all in a pile like the old days --

                                                            yesterday;

will somewhere, maybe somewhere cav is , looking for will maybe, at my parents house, petting chloe, upstairs and my mom is saying i need to get a dog, she knows about gilbie but i can see gilbie like he is there and fine right in front of me

                                                           day before;

 go to an arcade movie theater by myself and the movie starts and then the movie stops all of a sudden and a grey screen comes up and music starts playing like an intermission and there is a hungry hippos game in front of me and i start thinking i have time to play it during the intermission and first i try to put a euro in the machine and then i find a gold arcade coin and put it in and start playing and a dad in seats nearby kindof yells at me but i explain myself and we're ok, then i leave the theater and get lost and i have to go back up  a glass elevator to get back to the theater and then the movie is over and i missed it and everyone is leaving and i walk out of the theater in the crowd crying

                                                            day before;

austin rutledge comes over to my parents house and is upset about a movie, something, he leaves and im in my brothers room

ADAM SANDLER STAGEHAND GIG CAMPING VENUE

DOING SOME KIND OF STAGEHANDY GIG, AT SOME KIND OF BIG SHOT CELELBRITY EVENT OR SHOW BUT ALSO FEEL LIKE IM WORKING IT OR PART

OF PUTTING IT TOGETHER, ONE PERSON THERE IS THIS KINDA OLDER GUY WITH A

HORSESHOE SHAPED MALE BALDING PATTERN AND LONG DARK BROWN HAIR

HE IS KINDA STANDING OUTSIDE BEHIND THE BACK STAGE DOOR WHICH IS OPEN

AND THEN SOMEHOW I KNOW HE IS ADAM SANDLER AND HE IS JUST NOW RETIRING FROM PLAYING MUSIC

(IN WAKING REALITY WHEN I WAS LEAVING NEW YORK I SAW A BILLBOARD FOR ADAM SANDLER PLAYING GUITAR AT MOHEGAN SUN AND ALSO FOUND OUT YESTERDAY THAT JOE FROM THE JOE SHOW LIED TO ME ABOUT BEING AN EXTRA IN THE HUBIE HALLOWEEN ADAM SANDLER MOVIE WHICH MAKES SENSE BECAUSE HE SAID HE JUST WALKED AROUND AS HIMSELF  AND THEY [PAID HIM 5O BUX AND HE NEVER SAW ADAM SANDLER. WHEN HE TOLD ME HE LIED ABOUT THIS HE DIDNT SAY HE LIED HE SAID HE JUST AGREES SOMETIMES BUT I ASKED HIM ALL THESE QUESTIONS AND HE ANSWERED ALL OF THEM WITH MADE UP DETAILS SO I TOLD HIM THAT IS CALLED LYING)

I GO AND TALK TO ADAM SANDLER AND I GUESS THIS IS SOME KIND OF WEEKEND FESTIVAL TYPE THING-- HE REMINDS ME KIND OF OF STEVE KIMOCK---

BECAUSE I GO OVER WITH HIM TO HIS CABIN AND TALK OUTSIDE THE CABIN AND MAYBE GO IN THE CABIN

I GUESS I FELT A LITTLE SORRY FOR HIM AND THEN DIDNT WANT HIM TO QUIT MUSIC AND THEN WE BECAME FRIENDS 

SITTING in the front row of a movie theater with will and holding his hand and happy giddy kind of talking to him and his parents are in the row behind us 

When frankas is falling asleep he is going no no no and I ask him what's happening and he says someone was trying to stick fingers up his butt

Jason tedeschi comes over my house for some reason there are three beers in my parents basement that we share one in an Oscar Schmidt but it is really that other kind of beer that maybe begins with an o and has cursive writing on it and is someone like Oscar Schmidt (the guitar) but not - my parents are out of town

I have to leave to go and meet Sara silk and her friend Lisa and some of her other friends at this movie bar somewhere in hull and I drive from my parents house it is a bar with a movie theater attached and you get drinks and then go into the movie, we are playing around doing improv and when Lisa does improv with Sara Sara gets right up in her face as she's speaking like touching her face with her face and it is very funny and I like hanging out wi them I am somewhat worried about drinking and driving and being neurotic 

Another sequence before that I am washing nane in a bathtub , we are at her house and my mom and dad are there and we are all in the bathroom and washing her and she is going under the water and they are saying she is ok and I pull the drain and she comes up for air and she says this is why I want you to live with me or this is why you are my friend because I'm going blurb bluh blurb bluh blurb bluh blurb down there and then she breathes deeply and says happy new year everybody! And in that moment I think she seems like Marilyn Monroe

I run into some people from high school in downtown Boston and end up getting in a car with Jason tedeschi and Corinne perry, like we are going to a club or something but we end up going to an event like a rich house living room or an event place all windows and white carpeting and it is Andrew ? Bachelor party, Erin fitzgibbons is there all people from high school mostly my grade, we walk in and there are all these different superhero themed pins on the table you can take and pens and pencils with mini troll dolls on the eraser heads, I am taking stuff but semi aware I don't think I was invited to the party, then I realize no one who was invited is really friends with Andrew. My father is there and Andrews mom comes out from behind the crowd over by a row of windows and says someone was sent to pick up Erik and my father almost says something and we are thinking it must be my brother and is my brother supposed to be Andrews best friend? Scooter boi is on a couch behind me sitting next to Michelle Granara and saying something stupid and she is like do you know anybody here? Andrew when I glimpse him looks like an Arab man with dark circles under his eyes. There is a big log in the middle of the room with ropes on either side and Hilary duff is there and has a lisp and wants to start the rope log going, Michelle Granara and scooter and another person all get on the rope log and other people lift it in the air and Michelle Granara is complaining that her parents are holding either side of the rope log and it isn't any fun cause they're holding it too steady. 

Then the dream fast forwards and I realize it is a movie, it must be following Hillary duffs character because it fast forwards to her in a bathtub with a guy and she has a lisp and the guy is saying how she does things like a man has sex like a man and for some reason she turns into a black girl and then there are people still on the sidelines watching because someone maybe scooter yells out ' like a guinea pig ' and scooter says o yah like in Apollo 13 so there must be some guinea pig joke that is a reference to Apollo 13

Like we are making/ watching the movie that is the dream

Frankas dreamt he was fighting people in his fathers living room but trying to mix a song at the same time and trying to convince the person he is fighting to help him mix the song.

In a movie theater with will and its not right for some reason and I want to leave but not in the beginning when the movie starts we are sitting together and I am on his right side and the movie seems like a cosmic star or a planet or I can feel or energy a syncing kind of like a ray of sunlight but more like a tunnel. Then I am at my parents house like I must be in charge or have some kind of obligation there my brother is there too but my parents are gone and the place is Kind of a mess. Devon comes in and we go out to a restaurant and she falls about how she doesn't like drinking eor being around alcohol but she's saying it to my brother for some reason. She gives me an envelope but I never open it. Right before I wake up we are sitting on my parents couch and she asks me if I will tickle her back. She says "I don't want to see the things my family does for me"

Before this when we are just at the house Ricky a calls me on the phone to talk about our relationship and I just can't believe that he's even calling me.

Someone is leaving and I guess it must be Devon's birthday. I am leaving the house and someone comes running out with a portrait I can vaguely remember from portraits we were all doing, a group of girls. The girl is blonde and buck toothed and maybe holding a toothbrush. For some reason I want to call her Liz.

Talking to Cliff Peacock. We are on some kind of cruise ship that seems like the beginning of college and turns into Thanksgiving at parts. I am sitting at a table and Cliff is talking to some people and being funny and I'm listening. Then we are in some kind of studio, I have workup against one wall and some kid in the class is looking at it and asking about it. A disney pixar movie starts playing and one of the studio areas is curtained and roped off. When I go by its a hospital room and maybe the whole things a hospital too. When I'm not with Cliff it turns to Thanksgiving and I'm in the sun room and Kenny is talking about how many glasses of wine my mom has had as if 3 or more is a good sign. Lots of people are in the sunroom, little Michael. When I pass Cliff again its by a staircase and I ask him something about how things are going because hes been joking around and seems like things are going well but somethings wrong, he says something that seems like he's paying to get his child out of jail or something. We sit down facing each other and I notice hes gotten a long facial tattoo going from his right ear horizontally across his face kind of like a fish hook but hes not Cliff quite in the moment he's almost someone else. We are sitting on the top of the bleacher seats looking out to the edge where we can see the city of boston, tops of buildings and we watch them crumble and roll under the edge of the horizon.

I dream I am around for whitey Bulger's trial- it is sort of like being
at camp. We are all sort of hanging out in this camp-yagoog like area like we live there. I think Devon is there. We are sort of waiting around and involved with whitey. I like him but I see him act sort of evil, I think he will take a liking to me though and I will be ok. He is wearing a t shirt with little squiggly cursive repetitive writing across it in a block formation, light blue. He is i9n the passenger side of a truck wearing a sort of trucker hat and thick dark glasses.

Yesterday I dreamed of the hill with the donkey inside the pen on the
side of the road in Williamsburg right as I was starting to fall asleep...and then the picnic tables there and the smell of hotdogs and pasta salad on a plastic plate. Later on I dream we are in a dark room on couches and under blankets watching a movie or something. Then the chorus line of thye little mice in the movie Babe comes into my head and I start singing it and then my Dad is on the other sofa and he starts singing the mice part too and he does a better job than I do, but its very pleasant.

Andy comes in theroom and looks at Nane and says she looks out of it. I am in a classic murder/kidnap situation dream. I am with someone else and we are in the woods with the man who is trying to kill us. We need to walk over a log behind him and kick a gun into the stream. I know what we have to do because I have had this dream before or because I have learned it from a movie, or at least this is the feeling I get whilst in the dream. I am not afraid but feel very focused and I believe everything goes according to plan. I feel like the person with me is something like a little brother. Either this night or the other night kelsey chapman was in my dream but I can't really remember why or what we were doing.

i walk into a dark room where people i know are watching a movie. i sit down next to will, who is there,and he puts his arm around me. when the lights go on everyone knows we are together. it feels nice.

i am driving around with lindsay and jonathan. we go to barnes & nobles. i have to buy school supplies but i forget. he almost tips the car over three times then he asks me to go to california. his parents are paying and we are going only for a few hours. it is to see someone graduate or something. i am excited because ive never been to california but i have to tell my parents and be back to school by monday. waiting for the airplane me and my family sit on the sofa and have cups of water that we spit into sometimes. we watch this movie where this one guy kills the last guy by jumping on him in the ocean in the last scene. the other guy says wait i need to unbubkle my belt first and then the other guy stabs him in the neck.