october 10 2021

 sleeping over at billy arrias house, some kind of party going on , and im sleeping all by myself up in some room in a comfy bed with my rabbit under the covers

and i wake up and talk to billy

in between scenes of us at college together in a classroom with the desks and chairs that are all one piece and laura garvey talking

and me being friends with laura garvey somehow because of billy and appreciating her

and then billy is gone somewhere leaves suddenly or something and im in this small wood paneled bar somewhere and i have to pee

and a little folding door opens and billy walks out and hes with someone else there too and im so happy to see him to find him and i hug him

and then im trying to use the bathroom but the door keeps sliding open and they are seeing me trying to pee and laughing at me

then billy hugs me from behind and it feels good and he goes to grope my breast

(irl his ig pops up with a story post and i tell him he was in my dream and a good presence, thinking about him in a different way than i ever have before , weird & interesting)

                                                                        I
with james leto in bed and making out and hes saying or im saying kissing is like a massage and just making out forever in my brothers room in bed (where im sleeping) and maybe having sex at some point and getting louder and im realizing were at my parents house...
                         
                                                                        II
go to this big auditorium with sid and sara silk is there and running some kind of program, its kind of like a pipe and drape job, setting up for something or taking things down, the room is mostly empty, and i am helping out and hoping we are gonna bond i guess but she is runniong around in charge of things and very cold to me and i dont know why... at some point there is a big piece of fabric on the ground and i pick it up and fold it and she tells me i did it wrong and this is the only thing she says to me... and sid notices and says something about it to me like she really doesnt like me and we are unwanted there... then whatever is going on is over and she walks behind a temporary wall and gabby 9what is her last name) from highschool (dark hair olive skin her dad was my soccer coach) is saying we are all celebrities and there are a bunch of girls i went to high school with there and they are all doing some kind of video / photo shoot together and sara silk is standing on a taqble or spomething at the top of the group that are all gathered around together in this box set, rose lombardo is there and im not sure who else and they are doing this video skit celebrating how they are all famous and i am just looking on and its like they dont even see me or acknowledge me... and me and sid walk away and i am thinking well maybe its just a video for soul cycle and then remembering sara silk didnt even go to high school with me and feeling v dejected

walk into an outdoor cement area like the area outside the merrimack college gymnasium where we set up their graduation stage/lights...

rick st. denis is standing there and he has long flowing wavy dark hair, like a softer more flaxen howard stern hairdo...

i guess i know i am here to meet him but it feels like a suprise/ i am nervous / have trepidation about it

he takes me to some hotel room and tells me to get into the bed that i have to that he has to do something to me and i do it ( not against my will)

theres some kind of fantasy or thing hes saying as we have sex (almost like there is someone else there or involved)

and his penis is large, very big, and i never see it only feel it and somehow i know/feel that it is rounded off at the end, like it doesnt have the whole head part , like  a sawed off shotgun

(****the night before this irl i heard a live version of someone(?0 hav to look up) singing a song called you made me a woman i think about the first time a woman makes love and the lyrics came from her diary and shes talking on stage about it and i was thinking how bad my first time was and maybe this was some cosmic dream gift because the sex was good

right afterward rick gets up and leaves and goes somewhere and i want to keep having sex but when he comes back he wants to go the food court and i dont want to go to the food court and i am thinking about being direct and commanding the way he was with me vs. going to the food court where i fear he is going to get food and then pass out but this doesnt play through

coming back from some long kind of road trip

going to visit frankazoids mother we get in a bed with her

thanksgiving atmosphere

it seems like my parents bed and my parents bedroom

we are all holding beers i think and tying not to spill them maybe there is some spillage

maybe we are watching tv





frankazoid was holding this wire and it started shocking him and then it stuck to him and he couldn't get it off and he was gonna call tome for help but tun he thought no i wouldn't help him

he also dreamed he was the best man for his cousins wedding and he was late and he was fucked up and he was like 'why do i have to do this, i barely knew those peoples'

Frankaz saying we are going somewhere, rock port? Redford? Something with a ford or a rock or a bed in it...we are in his room and I dream he says we are leaving and maybe we are going for two days

I am moving out of n apartment and supposed to go somewhere like cape cod with Tyrone and my family. Paul is moving out of the same apartment and gets all his stuff out. I move my stuff out but forget about my clothes and my bed and my cats, edna and lightly, so I have to go back. When I go back into the apartment Rob Potylo is in the empty room around the corner. I see him and we start talking. There is a little puppet man hanging on a wall or on his bureau and he tells me my father is an electric toothbrush. I am holding an electric toothbrush and turn it on and off and keep trying to figure out what he means by this. I keep saying "you're father...was... an electric toothbrush?" I know he means this little puppet thing to be his father. Then he kisses me. At first it tastes a little weird but right after it is nice and natural. He is not wearing a hat this whole time and I cansee he is balding and it doesn't bother me. We hug and kiss and I keep going back to this in my dream, even with the other stuff still going on. Every time I wake up and fall asleep I'm able to go back with him. I feel like Christiana comes in at some point. Its always best when we're alone.

I am going to a big bed somewhere to sleep with Will and then I remember I have my period and tell him and he turns into Olga and goes to the other end of  the bed and says he doesn't have sex on his period.

I go over to Christiana's house to hang out and Rob Potylo is there in another room. He comes into the kitchen for a minute and I talk to him briefly and I'm shy but Christiana can tell that I like him, I guess. When he goes back into the room (it seems like there are a lot of people in the room) she says she can help me and I know that she means help me to talk to him or help us get together or something. We go upstairs into her room which is kind of like a fort on the side of the house. Their house is kind of like their real house but different with more rooms and like there are more people living there. Her room has a rickety built staircase, I remember the staircase seeming like it was made of vinyl and could break at any minute but she said it was old, from the 70s or something. Up the stairs is a wood board platform where her bed is and we lay together in the bed and I feel very comfortable with her, almost like she is someone else I know very well already... I relax and joke around with her and feel very loving toward her and can tell she just wants to be friends and that we can help each other and be good friends together. I think maybe she is going to cut my hair. I don't know if we talk about Rob.

two nights ago i was with ivy and she had a bag of different rainbow colored neco wafers with cream inside of them and she offered one to me and said it was probably vegan but i knew it wasn't and ate it anyway and then kept eating them and felt i was being rude but couldn't stop. they were delicious.

i also dreamed danielle's boyfriend will was making my bed in the morning the first night they slept over.

i see kennedy on the street outside bull street gourmet. she is wearing a yellow hat. she looks more like a real woman than i remember. we hug eachother. i am with anson and he makes the couch into a futon with a dark blue futon matress on top of it. a guy who i've seen before and looks drugged out and beat up sticks his head in the window and blows out smoke. anson shuts the door. later i go to an art class and the guy who really lives upstairs and is less scary comes to the class with a camera. he is a lot less scary than the other guy and i remember how i forgot that they used to be room mates but arent anymore. he takes some pictures of me and i think i leave.