antonia villa art gallery cafe mind video

at some kind of open art gallery cafe -- all white interior // open space // something like new alliance or a familiar familial art space--- a bar to the left of me-- almost like in fact it really IS channel cafe, the setup of the room and even the door that leads to stairs

there with someone - chris ? - talking, not many people there --- and i see antonia villa coming up  from the stairs through a door carrying a box in her arms

i realize she is moving out of her studio which must be through the door down the stairs--- still aware that its a suprise to see her and shes moved away and how is she here?

i call out to her and try to talk to her and she ignores me -- keeps moving out -- i go up to her and not even sure she talks to me then--

then i see her sitting in a chair on video like shes talking to the camera -- and i know im seeing her talking but that shes not talking to me somehow-- like some kind of mind video ---

and she is saying she loves me but something like she hates me or doesnt want to know me now because she wanted to be with me and doesnt want to be just friends

and there is something like a small chichuaha in her lap 

several days ago

                                                                                I
i am in a car with ellen degenerous driving around and i am kind of being a ham with her and am at some point reflective of the fact i am so comfortable with her and cracking her up also... it seems odd but feels very comfortable... we are driving and we go by a house with a driveway and there are these huge mop haired monster people ogre things (like the monsters in where the wild things are except huge) walking up the driveway and we just kind of laugh at it and it not scary but its v weird obviously not people in costumes... she takes me to some kind of studio... and i can tell ellen likes hanging out with me i guess because i dont treat her like a celebrity and goof around... but there is food everywhere like little crumpets and i really want to eat all the food and im going to ask but then i realize of course all this food is laid out for ellen and free and i can eat it but then im too embarassed to ask about the food and too scared to eat it so i cant eat the food even though i want to ...

and i kind of get hung up on this

                                                                           II

go into nick z and jessicas house, its the top floor on a stand alone little grey house with long narrow hallways i go up wood stairs in the back and come in off a small porch and its dark but like its not night and kind of warm and seems like no one is there but then i see nick and jessica both come in and they are nice and i wonder why im in there house 

IM in highschool and i've missed some kind of english class for like over a year and just remembered i have it and it switches around... laura garvey is on her way to the class and says its ok its a substitute and it has been for a while and i should come..

so i go to the class and the teacher is susan the receptionist from  riverside community care in cambridge and she is the original teacher not a substitute and when she sees me come in she says thank you for finally being here

you left me for weeks with no north pole and the south pole of chris canfield has been attacking the syllabus...( something to this affect something about poles) and i am remebering more about the situation as she says this

and chris canfield walks in down a long ramp with a descending wall on the side of it that faces the rest of the class room (and this is the entrance) and chris sees me and pushes into me as he goes by and he looks good

and i remember somehow for some reason in the classes i was gone chris started bringing something up and was saying the word nigger loudly in his argument and when he comes in he says something to susan

and we both leave the class

but in between somehow i see him with his girlfriend who is a chubby short blonde chick i havent seen before, and she is talking low to him and kissing the side of his face and he looks like its his mother doing it

we meet again in some kind of long closet eves place which i guess is my shared kind of attic studio with some other people and chris comes in after me and i try to jump him basically and he says he has a girlfriend and i know it but hes not in to her and we end up having sex kind of or are going to but he has a really small penis (i dont think its that small irl but idk!)

as we are getting clothed shuggy and maria martin walk in and they are kind of in an  argument but this is when i remember i'm in our shared studio space... its something shuggy did

we leave as they come in 

February 1st

Me and Frankas are kind of moving into my parents house for some reason. Only my dad is there. We have all this stuff like for the photo booth but it's actually a studio setup. I set it up in the basement and my dad asks if I've done anything yet and I say no and then I remember I set the whole studio up in the basement and I tell him that and he is impressed. We are moving things in from the garage. It seems like some kind of holiday or vacation is going to happen. There are only a few beers In the garage and I open one. My dad is leaving for the gym. He says frank is drinking all his beers in a joking way. Then Frank is in the front seat of the minivan and my dad starts massaging his neck and shoulders and frank jumps up and four of the minivan. I think it was too much pressure for him. 

Something about robots figuring things out after we're gone or like we are material for robots and computers. Or the spaces in between our temporal existences are filled by computers with permanence. And robots.

Dreamed I was moving intothis studio space/band space/ clubhouse above EMF, moving into it like a house in a way but also all my stuff was there. I am in there alone and it is sunny and bright like an attic, I am there at night breifly and there's a kind of party going on and I see Alvan. All these chairs and tables are arranged like a wonky U shape and I have to walk around behind them to get out either side. I find Brown Bear in a compartment underneath the tables and start carrying him around. Before that I am with my mother and Kathy Cook and Ryan and Dan Cook who is talking all about their pitbull and how she's a real pitbull...there is also a cat, like a sister cat to Lightly or something. We are at a museum or something and my momand I leave and go out through this auditorium type thing and are looking at this pizza kiosk that has allthese pizzas out on display (suddenly Devon Gray is with us also) my mom mentions that she sees a hummus pizza and I am walking around the kiosk looking for the hummus pizza.

Before that something with horses.

Maybe Will, maybe an airport, maybe new york.

Carol Anne is there, taking me under her wing somehow. It seems like I'm in Charleston, I'm in some kind of art building, seems like I've been here before. There is a big open space that can just be my personal studio I realize if I just go there and claim it. I am in the buildings and part of one turns into a grocery store. Lots of space the way things are set up almost like the behind the set scenes in the movie 'american splender'. Travis is there with me. Carol Ann is alone in an office somewhere or I'm just leaving her or have to leave. I want to be alone and then my mother is there or Thanksgiving is coming. I think about shoplifting from the grocery store. There are eggs in the shape of limp bananas I have in my hands-- I give them to Travis because I'd rather eat them alone and he warms them up and comes back with them and then I say ok I'm leaving. Its kind of like a venue and a community and a library all in one that I'm leaving. I guess I am getting in a car to go home for Thanksgiving.

first night home- mom comes in in morning/ scares shit out of me

i am talking to cliff. first i am at the studio which is more like a big warehouse. there is a girl there tryng topaint, she has a private lesson with cliff. i am getting supplies. cliff asks me if i want to go outside ( to smoke). i say yes but we dont end up smoking together. i go upstairs to my studio. i make a pink and white dog out of something like playdo. i melt a pink my little pony and pull it around. at first things look good but they start to look hideous andgrotesque. there is a painting of a womean hanging by her arms in a green dress. i notice my paintings have more depth. then cliff comes upstairs and i am too nervous to work then/ ashamed of the work. he is showing john how to stretch a canvas. he comes over and i start talking about how its going. i guess i say we. he says now who s always up here with you whispering, are you gonna say because it seems like there's aways someone up here with you. then he points at the dog and he says as long as you don't name it nina simone. it is a joke because a little black girl was once mauled by a rottweiler while crossing the street on a skateboard. i dont know why this makes sense but i get it. i laugh. there is a girl working on something to the right of us. cliff says- my sister used to give me so much shit, you know the saying kafka wasn't a very something, wel i said Capricorn wasn't a very occupied jew! he thinks this is hilarious. the girl to our right tries to make bad similar jokes. we ignore her.

before that it is the school day and john is at his parents house. i see his parents and his mom asks me all these questions, gets me a drink. she is clearly crazy or extremely out of it. i think she has had a lobotomy. i don't know what to do myself. i'm not even sure if i want to get high.

* there is another part of the dream where i am with carol ann. we are having class ut we travel around. there is a painting and it is timmy's, he's gone over it and put a bright white portrait on the right side. i bring this up to the class. maria keeps talking about how she loves the class but i think she is getting more and more pissed ff. she keeps talking to me when carol ann is speaking and it makes me nervous. then she and carol ann start going back and forth. carol ann tells her she can no longer use the term henceforth and also some other term.

later i talk about timmy's painting with cliff. i am excited about it. he says he thinks its workng. other than the pink dog he does not look at any of my work. he just asks if i'm into it if i need to be doing it.

i am in the studio. i have built three pieces of ice cream/ three eggs/ 3 white discs/ a hamburger sculpture which sits in a wheelbarrow/ sheet of paper sculpture. i go to the recovery room which is across the street, there is something going on at every bar tonight. i sit outside and draw on the picnic table. jarod comes in but doesn't see me. i may be wearing a mask, then. i go in after and someone (anson/ geoff) tells me i shouldn't do anything with jarod. i see jarod later and he has a milkshake from baskin robbins. he went and bought it, came back, and filled it with vodka. I know then i am there for him so i leave & go back to the studio. someone else has sculpted a huge plastic bunny. sharon lacey is up there and she is talking about how she is dating matt foreman like we both know it and its ok. she says she has a problem with a student on facebook ( dana). a man (officer) comes in and says students can only use the studio from 5-9 because the orchestra needs to practice. sharon lacey argues with him. i notice lacey is wearing a sudafed t-shirt and try to show her the sudafed packs i have in nane's old purse but i brought the wrong one. lacey says she also has things like that. lacey wants to go to the recovery room, then. she thinks she will introduce me to jarod. we go to the recovery room together.