few days ago - flea market - mom friends - waiting - crying

random dream fragments from the past few weeks;

growing another toenail under my big toenail


few days ago;

at some kind of big flea market with lots of outdoor vendoors almost like a festival and im there with my mother and maybe chris is there somewhere and some other people or friends are there with us too but im there with my mom and standing there waiting for chris or whoever isnt there who is wandering around --- and i dont want to go anywhere for some reason, i just want to wait---

and then all the outdoor booths are closing and its something like the marshfield fair and suddenly i want to go around and look at everything i missed--- and i can feel all the booths closing down all around me and i can see them somehow--- and i start crying and getting hysterical , feeling like i missed it all --- and getting upset at my mother like its her fault 

chris communal house keys ghosts mother art highschool

at some house where there is some kind of collective going on....

this girls mother died and there is some kind of mansion across the street and they want to make this into some kind of art house

and i am there helping, there with chris valverde

and he is into me i guess and i am relenting i guess,

the girl whose mother died comes up to me and puts about 20 keys into my back pocket

we are out in the backyard

they are small silver identical keys like they all do the same thing

im not sure why shes giving me so many keys but she is saying thank you like i have helped and she is glad im there

and i think mel is there and other people are there

there is a big long dining room, there is a kitchen, the place shifts

chris valverde is picking me up and throwing me over his head, the first time he does this i lean my weight back away from his back after im over his head and he has to sit down on the ground

he makes a joke

he keeps picking me up though and he is very tall and i am v small compared to him

he picks me up and holds me to the side by his shoulders like im a child and i hold on and start to think its nice

we go in to some type of shopping center at some point

then we are right out in the street and kelsey barton shows up with a backpack and a new boyfriend she wants me to meet before he has to leave and they want lobsters and we are in an old familiar

part of the city, boston i guess, then and we start down the street where there is some lobster place a block away and kelsey uses her backpack to slide down a banister

to get there

and before or after i shift back to the communal / art house

and chris valverde has been carrying me around and then he lets me down and i kind of rest my head on his head for a minute and then someone is right next to us and it is his mother

somewhere gilbie is getting into a microwaved meal and im afraid he was microwaved but he wasnt

i am walking through my highschool thinking how some people must never go back to high school but im at my high school all the time for some reason, maybe this is somehow part of the

new art school

in a car with what looks like tori from new alliance and another big featured girl and they are talking about doing a photoshoot for the art house dressed as angels and theyre gonna do it both of them

but they dont incliude me (but i dont include myself !) 

11/27/2017

Going to Germany with maria martin and Danielle brutto…

First I am looking at maria’s facebook page and it has a long paragraph written and then some of her ‘long shot’ photos…my name is tagged in the long paragraph description… it is something about how she once thought she was going to be a photographer or pursue photography but isn’t anymore…

We end up going on this trip to Germany and my mother is there and Danielle brutto also comes with us… there is something like mcdonalds everywhere…we go to the first hostel we see and it is actually a school and it is something like $3 a night to stay there and all the food is free

We decide we will stay here one night and then go somewhere else

There is a big cafeteria and many common rooms.

When we leave we are on this odd train that zips around , brings us somewhere to get a ‘sandwich in a bag’ for $1… I am asking what is in the sandwich to make sure it isn’t meat…

Turns out the main thing in the sandwich is buttered pecans

The second hostel isn’t as good and we can’t find a hostel like the first one… the train takes us from the first hostel to the buttered pecan sandwiches and back 

I'm going on some kind of camping river trip and I'm texting Lenny about it because I know he's going and he's texting me back that he's cool with me being there and that its not a big deal...I'm going out with Jeff Goldblum and he's a little over-concerned with me...when we get to the camp site its on a cliff over a lake or something and we are going to jump off the cliff all in a blow up raft I guess but there is a woman there who is somebody's mom and like the camp mother I guess and she is saying how we don't need to use the raft necessarily. I am immediately under the covers in this bed thing with Jeff Goldblum and we are just getting really revved up but never having sex. He leaves at some point and I'm wondering whats going on with Lenny and if anyone's noticing us under the covers on the cliff.