walk into an outdoor cement area like the area outside the merrimack college gymnasium where we set up their graduation stage/lights...

rick st. denis is standing there and he has long flowing wavy dark hair, like a softer more flaxen howard stern hairdo...

i guess i know i am here to meet him but it feels like a suprise/ i am nervous / have trepidation about it

he takes me to some hotel room and tells me to get into the bed that i have to that he has to do something to me and i do it ( not against my will)

theres some kind of fantasy or thing hes saying as we have sex (almost like there is someone else there or involved)

and his penis is large, very big, and i never see it only feel it and somehow i know/feel that it is rounded off at the end, like it doesnt have the whole head part , like  a sawed off shotgun

(****the night before this irl i heard a live version of someone(?0 hav to look up) singing a song called you made me a woman i think about the first time a woman makes love and the lyrics came from her diary and shes talking on stage about it and i was thinking how bad my first time was and maybe this was some cosmic dream gift because the sex was good

right afterward rick gets up and leaves and goes somewhere and i want to keep having sex but when he comes back he wants to go the food court and i dont want to go to the food court and i am thinking about being direct and commanding the way he was with me vs. going to the food court where i fear he is going to get food and then pass out but this doesnt play through

Sara Silk and I are sitting at a table with someone across the table, I think Kelsey. We have notebooks out and are working on a song we are supposed to have written. Sara Silk starts rapping and her rap is very fluid and good and I realize I've forgotten to write my rap, I start writing one ;

Yo, let me pour some gravy
Theres a few in the marines but theres a boatload in the navy

Before/ after this I am in Fortpoint area and it seems like a warehouse. I go to see John Cremona and there are other people there. He seems like he is going a little manic because of the attention of the community, its kind of like 300 summer with all the doors off and partially outside, a bit like a warehouse party in Charleston but still Fort Point, in one part there is a cement square open space between the buildings with painted murals on the walls. Glinda is there and they are both a bit on edge. I think of how the situation with my father would explain something and wonder why I don't tell them. John Cremona looks more and more like David Bowie and I wonder if he is David Bowie. He is supposed to perform for somebody like a critic or a small audience. We are in a room with a piano and some framed photos on the mantle of the piano, not quite John's studio and he grabs an electric guitar and kneels on the floor with his knees flat and his feet behind him. He shows us that he is superhuman or a musician because he starts to play this song and while he does his face goes back and forth between being covered in makeup and being normal, each time it goes back and forth a little different, clown makeup but different colorings, white with blue clown tears and then black. After this he goes around with Glinda and is giddy. On the stairs he is jumping around and acting kind of like a wild man. I am not doing much but silently being there/ supporting him, ready to defend him but no one really tries to attack him on anything even though I feel like maybe he is expecting it and its influencing his actions.

anson and matt rabon are talking about roland. they say he draws graves all the time and plays nintendo with a wierd look in his eye. elso that him and someone else look at porn all the time.
before that alex tells me jarod charsewski dated michelle bain and i suddenly remember. jarod is a teacher at my school which is sort of like highschool. we drive around through a maze like thing in a golf cArt to get to his studio. he keeps touching me and people walk in and nearly see us. maria is there and tells me i've got to leave. ther3e is a miscellany meeting i am unprepared for and its because i was out drinking all night. maria says she went out dribnking too.

before thAT I AM IN SCOTT peeples class (which i missed today) and he is singing folk songs. we sing back and forth to each other. he says its important that everyone be in class. he's glad i'm there. i also think maybe hes sleeping.

i tell jarod i think that maybe people come into my dreams when i am in their dreams and he nods like he knows what i mean, then i say but you-- and i am embarassed.