new york church sarah lyle

in new york with i think sarah lyle walking through a mall where all the shops are closed like macys and all these big stores and theyve all closed down because no one shops at stores anymore

and its just a big empty mall like a ruin, that we used to know

walking through glass doors to outside and i am wearing these bright blue high heels that are so high and my ankles keep bending and rolling over like they're made of rubber or putty

and im looking at them still just trying to walk and notice the shoes are on the wrong feet

so i change them but they are still hard to walk in and im talking to sarah about how i dont know how all the ladies on ROBH do it everyday all the time

and i am thinking of lisa vanderpump

and i can feel v viscerally the blisters on my feet forming in the shoes as we are walking into a
church

to meet some people and we sit down at a table in the church and we are sitting with two kind of butch looking girls and i am thinking how everyone always eats out in new york

and how i dont want to live there because i want to stay home and save my money but the whole church table seating scenario is odd and droll and throwing off my dream reality

and one girl has bland blond curly hair parted down the middle no makeup earthy looking with a black t shirt with writing on it and then she mentions the mic that is happening tonight is her mic

and called something like willows and thinking she can put me on ---
somehow know that its a comedy mic

12/18/16

big kind of thanksgiving party going on at my house. lots of people animals and things everywhere.

leslie is sitting at a picnic table outside by herself in the midst of the party.

she is wearing a wedding dress with her head in one hand and just kind of staring at a point in space.

i keep looking over at here from the crowd im in. my mom comes over and tells me to do something,

to pay attention to someone.

i go upstairs bc maybe i am needing to roll a joint or get a drink. i go in my room. i think its a mess.

i see little rodents. it turns out they are gerbils which my mom got for a specific reason but im not sure what that is.

there may be 11 of them.

they are sick or something is needed for them. my mom takes each of them and squirts some kind of orange fluid

in them or on them so they all have a trail of orange fluid. they are running around.

they look like stuffed animals in a way, like stuffed squirrels.

they are always sitting straight up and never walking on all fours.

this is what makes them gerbils.

i take too long in my room or something and then my mom is there, somewhere.

she is holding a sponge and angry. she is about to sponge down an orange-yellow plastic

tablecloth & she is about to cut into me about something i did or did not do.


(wake up & it turns out that my dad is in the hospital again)

In frankas dream there were baby badgers and they were biting at his feet and legs, they didn't quite bite. It did not hurt. He was stuck in the driftscape he says, other than that, as far as he remembers. 

I remember rp saying something to me across a table, some kind of translation barrier.

Frankas Antonia and I go to an event at this place that she knows, some kind of educational facility, we go and sit at a table. Frankas is dressed up like a woman wearing a kind of a garden party outfit. we are sitting at the table and i notice some blood on his face. then i notice his nose is bleeding and i tell him and he leaves. i forget what happens at the party after that,

either i leave and com back or i never leave. you walk into this place and it seems like they are always serving some kind of sponge loaf of bread. i think maybe i went first with antonia and they had the sponge bread and then we came back with frankas.

when we are leaving their is a kind of woody academic looking hall of sorts with pews in it where people go through or stay in on their way in or out. artie lange comes in and everyone is greeting him. he is kind of a midget with a gigantic head, normal looking but gigantic like a bobble head and lots of hair and not that fat just a midget. and he is looking at us and is friends with everyone at this academy. i see him there more than once.

i go back again alone and up a set of stairs and it is a class going on, i just participate in the class very easily. one time we are watching a movie that could be described as 'magical realism' there is a boy and a horse that explodes into cigars and i am forgetting the plot but it was very loose.

i go back again and the teacher had passed out a one page pamphlet writing type thing for everyone to read before the class, i don't have one so i turn around to leave and she follows me out into the hall. i ask her if she has any extra papers but she says no. she shows me the paper and i realize its some kind of propaganda poster related to that movie we watched with the little boy and the horse.

antonia shows up looking different a few times.

i go back again and there are two girls at a table kind of like a cafeteria table. another time i am eating the sponge cake or whatever and there is one girl with blonde hair kind of like dana and i guess this place or a nearby place outside this place is a music school. i have the vague idea that we are still in boston. a man comes up out of nowhere and he sounds like ryan douglass but he is a little bit older man and he is coming to talk to dana and tell her how  great her music is and how special he thinks it is and how she should play her guitar out on the street and get students for music lessons and play the students her music. he is saying this stuff to her and she just acts very clearly creeped out by him. she says "you seem really happy" in a kind of petrified kind of way...

then later at the table i am asking one girl about the school, also with long blond hair but a different girl. and she says she's been going there for a long time and I'm asking her about how do they teach and what she remembers and she is trying to think of what she remembers the most and her mannerisms are kind of funny and me and the girl next to me are kind of laughing at that in an inclusive way.

then there is a big food serving, and i guess this is what we're all waiting for, becuas we've just been at the table talking about the school and an older woman comes in and asks whats going on and someone says we have a sub or something today so then they bring out this hot pasta and stuff and put it in the other room.i goto get some and am preparing a great bowl which i misplace.

travis shows up here and is annoying somehow I'm not sure what he does but i end up kicking him and hitting him and every time i do he complains very loudly and says his shoulder is broken and says how hurt he is but also like he's encouraging me to hit him and just wants to show the other people there how hurt he is by me and i am trying to show them what a liar he is and a scape.

when i look for my food bowl it has been almost eaten, one of the other students points at it and i can see its been eaten and they say some little kid came in and ate it so i am trying to re-prepare the food bowl.

Last night eating pizza, at some kind of outdoor party family party kind of thing with barns or clubhouses and a big yard going between, reminds me of Mary lees house or a scene in the vs ysitters club, Jonathan is there... Eating pizza, lots of pizza different kinds different slices of pizza and I am eating one with vegetables tasting very good

Night before last I am sleeping with frankas only he doesn't look like frankas he looks kind of like Ben katzman and there are two other people we sleep with together and he likes to sleep with those people together with us and not just me and I am getting upset...

Night before that I am sleeping with my father but frankas is there also somewhat peripherally and I realize within the dream what is going on , seemingly become lucid 

Somewhere I also have a dream with Sarah Lyle at a restaurant type deal at a table with a white tablecloth, catching up on since she's been married and maybe she gets drunk?

^ am very glad to wake up last two nights and realize I've been dreaming and the waking reality is different

There is some comedy kind of poker night I am a part of and some moley looking guy and also nick from rps act and josh Davis and his girlfriend are there, it is like a vfw hall somewhere. Rp is there at some point kind of fight/playing with nick and I feel like I realize how dark their relationship is

Something has happened to curt Jarva one week ago and he confesses to me he hasn't slept with my mother in a week? He doesn't say this exactly he says something more like ' he's been letting down the family'.... But I know what he means by this somehow, I think I am relating it to me and frankas and the idea of our sexual togetherness, I feel I am aware of this in the dream but not positive

I am sitting at the head of the table on the bear to the camera side of things and the opposite head of the table across from me

We are playing some kind of game or doing some kind of improv performance, Rachel haven josh Davis's girlfriend has some kind of interaction with one of the comedians which I interpret as a misunderstanding 

We are outside in the parking lot and she is saying how she knows she was right about that guy and what she did and everything, how she acted, she didn't let him get away with something...

I am saying we all need to hang out again, but not sure if I wanted to be there in the first place and where I'm going, why I came and what my role is... I am not sure

The parking lot is dark and wet and it feels like summer like I am thin and have shorts on and a shirt over my head,

Reminiscent of one night in charleston where we walked around in the rain and drew on our legs and I had long dark hair with Alex Johnson 

Sara Silk and I are sitting at a table with someone across the table, I think Kelsey. We have notebooks out and are working on a song we are supposed to have written. Sara Silk starts rapping and her rap is very fluid and good and I realize I've forgotten to write my rap, I start writing one ;

Yo, let me pour some gravy
Theres a few in the marines but theres a boatload in the navy

Before/ after this I am in Fortpoint area and it seems like a warehouse. I go to see John Cremona and there are other people there. He seems like he is going a little manic because of the attention of the community, its kind of like 300 summer with all the doors off and partially outside, a bit like a warehouse party in Charleston but still Fort Point, in one part there is a cement square open space between the buildings with painted murals on the walls. Glinda is there and they are both a bit on edge. I think of how the situation with my father would explain something and wonder why I don't tell them. John Cremona looks more and more like David Bowie and I wonder if he is David Bowie. He is supposed to perform for somebody like a critic or a small audience. We are in a room with a piano and some framed photos on the mantle of the piano, not quite John's studio and he grabs an electric guitar and kneels on the floor with his knees flat and his feet behind him. He shows us that he is superhuman or a musician because he starts to play this song and while he does his face goes back and forth between being covered in makeup and being normal, each time it goes back and forth a little different, clown makeup but different colorings, white with blue clown tears and then black. After this he goes around with Glinda and is giddy. On the stairs he is jumping around and acting kind of like a wild man. I am not doing much but silently being there/ supporting him, ready to defend him but no one really tries to attack him on anything even though I feel like maybe he is expecting it and its influencing his actions.