I am supposed to perform for something at out of the blue. It seems in a different place, like an outdoor library, and a different town. I feel unready to perform and don't remember performing. Will is there somehow. And Tom is there but different. Maybe it's supposed to be New York. Someone pulls me out of trying to help out inside the out of the blue I think? And tells me about knowing when to leave a place and how I should have left already, telling me how to conduct myself and move art-- it is mostly about being direct and getting out quick. When he pulls me out ( almost seems like Vince but not totally) he brings me over to his car by the side of the road and it's the car and the sidewalk here that makes it seem like New York in my dreams (how New York is in my dreams which is different than it is in real life) -Toms thing , maybe caroline Sullivan is there too, something seems townie about it, but also like a poetry gathering and maybe people are coming to see me, and maybe will is there. 

don't remember the details but...chad abushanab was there, something about poetry, chanel gordon had adult braces and was pretty insecure about it, sharon put the cat litter box in front of my door but also laughed about it....mmmm

maybe i make a pie and you make a stew

tiny little kittens are jumping on my hands and biting them.
there is a parachute or air balloon flapping in the wind.
matt and maria are asking if i think there is lice in the outhouse. the outhouse is the upstairs bathroom but it is an outhouse, goes all the way down. they say they are itchy, they have lice. i say, you mean fleas. & they say no, lice. i say you brought me into a house full of lice?
Peacock walks by outside the studio and i think my body language makes it hard for him to come talk. he comes over and says he has some appointment tomorrow and can't meet at 2. He doesn't know when he can meet, but he wants to. he seems inspired, like he needs to paint, he says he's got to focus which is why i know he needs to paint. he paints on sundays.
maria writes a poem about Peacock, how he says "I'd rather be a poet than a photographer". I try to say something but don't, I hear the poem like a strange music.

* when i can't sleep i imagine apocalyptic scenes and what kind of art would be the least destroyed. I think it is music, because the last instrument to remain is the voice and the most common knowledge in art is the melody and words to songs.

sunday december 13th 2009

at first i am at some outdoor poetry event, justin maria and will pittman are there, justin and i are canoodling for a bit but he dissapears, will pittman leaves the field trip and seems surly, i think we are talking about who is the greatest or most talented among us, then i am somewhere like a school and am going to teach a riding lesson, the girl who i am teaching asks me to ask gina if she can ride a certain horse, i tell her to go ask her herself, it occurs to me that i still havent seen gina since the last time i ever saw her, dj comes up to me and asks if id be willing to make some money doing the stable radio show, every different facility at the school has a radio show, i want to do it but dont quite understand what im supposed to do or how to do it, somehow i see the radio shows for the stable recently which look like blog posts and are not good at all, then it turns into some kind of rockshow where i need to perform, it had been some sort of soiree but now there is some kind of vote going on about who will -erform next, and someone says it will be me and kimmi hendrix and someone else, i get very nervous that i am not going to know all the words to any of the songs and start trying to remember all of the wind cries mary in my head

october 16th 2009: edit

i have sex with carol ann, it is the secret step within the poetry program which no one knows about. i think about the fact that carol ann is the one teacher who has sex with students and gets away with it. it is more of a joining of conciousness, i feel good about it.