FROM THE PAST WEEK

SEE HOWARD STERN IN A ALMOST MINIVAN SIZE JEEP WITH A BIG BIRD HEAD IN IT AND DRUMS, AN OPEN BACK AREA AND I CAN SEE THROUGH THE WINDOWS ALL THIS COSTUME /PROP STUFF LIKE DISGUISES FOR HOWARD I GUESS AND HE IS SLUMPED DOWN IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND BETH O IS DRIVING THE CAR AND I AM REMEMBERING KKK TELLING ME THIS IS HOW HE GETS AROUND OR THAT HE WEARS DISGUISES AND THIS IS IN CAMBRIDGE NEAR HARVARD SQUARE

THANKSGIVING HAPPENS AT OUR HOUSE AND KEITH IS THERE AND BRANDON IS A BABAY AND THERE ARE ALL THESE PUPPIES LIKE LITTLE GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPIES... THEN THANKSGIVING IS OVER AND MY ASIAN LADY THERAPIST IS LIVING IN THE HOUSE AND SHE HAS TWO CHILDREN THAT SEEM LIKE STRANGERS TO HER THAT SHE DOESNT QUITE KNOW HOW TO CARE FOR IT SEEMS AND I AM THERE KIND OF LIKE AN AU PAIR OR SOMETHING AND PUTTING THE KIDS TO BED AND THEN WATCHING A.L.T. ALONE AT THE KITCHEN TABLE LIKE SHES NOT QUITE SURE WHAT TO DO , THERE IS A SOUND IN THE KITCHEN AND SHE ASKS ME WHAT IT IS AND IT TURNS OUT TO BE THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL WHICH HAS SOMEHOW BEEN LEFT RUNNING....

SEND UNDERWEAR (EMBARRASSING NOT SEXY) AND A PACKAGE WRAPPED IN NEWSPAPER TO UNBLEACHD SOMEHOW AND AM WATCHING HIM GET IT FROM AN OMNISCIENT NON PRESENT PERSPECTIVE AND HE TAKES THE UNDERWEAR AND PUTS IT ON OVER HIS JEANS AND THEN JUST STANDS THERE AND SMILES LIKE A WEIRDO

last weds 7/10/2019

1.

$300 dollars on wilco tickets and somebody and maddy weaver were supposed to go with me

and something happens to where we arent even in the same city as the wilco concert the night of the show

and i am pissed and cheap even in my dream

furious that i spent $300 on these tickets and we arent even going to make the show

and pissed at maddy, really upset with her

(***and i sleeep all day in this dream like its a real life event)

2.

walking into this place like a warehouse made into some kind of art event /gala

something supposed to be emf i guess and some kind of grand opening / event

all white walls/ white lights/ big open spaces

i am walking in and notice queen latifah is walking in also and i kind of walk up close behind her like to talk to her or kind of walk in together and she kind of sees me kind of snubs me , kind of walks faster to get in ahead of me, walk in alone

(****seems related / a dream shortly after my dream in nyc of john goodman hamming it up in the tent / where i left my phone charger in the wall and then did the same thing irl****)

walk into an outdoor cement area like the area outside the merrimack college gymnasium where we set up their graduation stage/lights...

rick st. denis is standing there and he has long flowing wavy dark hair, like a softer more flaxen howard stern hairdo...

i guess i know i am here to meet him but it feels like a suprise/ i am nervous / have trepidation about it

he takes me to some hotel room and tells me to get into the bed that i have to that he has to do something to me and i do it ( not against my will)

theres some kind of fantasy or thing hes saying as we have sex (almost like there is someone else there or involved)

and his penis is large, very big, and i never see it only feel it and somehow i know/feel that it is rounded off at the end, like it doesnt have the whole head part , like  a sawed off shotgun

(****the night before this irl i heard a live version of someone(?0 hav to look up) singing a song called you made me a woman i think about the first time a woman makes love and the lyrics came from her diary and shes talking on stage about it and i was thinking how bad my first time was and maybe this was some cosmic dream gift because the sex was good

right afterward rick gets up and leaves and goes somewhere and i want to keep having sex but when he comes back he wants to go the food court and i dont want to go to the food court and i am thinking about being direct and commanding the way he was with me vs. going to the food court where i fear he is going to get food and then pass out but this doesnt play through

living in or visiting some strange apartment in nyc with sid and curtis is there and there are two beds in a room and its a dark room and almost like a hotel.

leave the room like im leaving or i have to leave nyc and run into frankazoid and he takes me to some margarita bar mexican place that is very familiar like a place we all go and there is an older lady who works there and a younger girl with a high ponytail bun who works there like she is the waitress but there is a clear box where food and shots go out on the bar and whenever this happens the girl sticks her whole head in the clear box and almost licks everything-

they serve shots in shot glasses with an egg in the glass--- something happens

and frankazoid must be drunk and fights someone or throws something and the woman turns to me and says 'its your fault'

and i think i protest but i dont know what i say

but we start talking and things ease over somehow and she brings us to the back to show us the kale her daughter has grown in a back closet and the kale is small and growing like ivy

her daughter is the waitress who licks the food it turns out and now she is sitting behind the counter with an egg shot (clear liquid)

///

i am sitting behind the glass in some kind of store front and looking out and a group walks by and will is in the group and i start knocking on the glass to get his attention and he says jessie and he says the person i gave all my love to

///

my legs are numb and asleep all while im trying to walk and it wont go away


///

in a foreign country , somewhere like amsterdam, on a bus, like i took a ship , got there somehow, but running out of money and worried abut running out of pot vaporizer pen

and then somewhere and expected to perform and unloading somehow but i dont have a car, getting ready to perform at the venue, wondering when i will run out of money

why im not worried, what will i do, how i got there 

GO TO WORK at some event for pro event and chris canfield is there and he has long hair and hes kind of bigger but still v attractive and i came there with someone else and im not actually doing any work

my body feels heavy and hard to move throughout

we're in a dark upstairs room at some place and the event is like a show or wrestling or something  v low rent speakeasy type thing and no stagehands are actually needed for anything

there is a long booth connected to the wall on one side and we are over there and i touch chris leg and he kind of touches me v casual v wordless

but someone else is there maybe anthony and i overhear him saying chris and his gf broke up

i tell my friend he lives in upton and chris looks over at me then and says something (even tho in real life he doesnt live in upton...lars does... he lives in haverhill)

i get his phone number and we text

                                                                         ***\

then i am at the merritts and i guess harry lives in a trailer in the back yard, we are at the merritts house in norwell , sephie is there and parker is still very little

but he has a bald spot right on the back of his head, big poofy hair but a hole in the middle where i can see his scalp which is very red, he is brushing something when i notice

they are talking about smoking pot as i am leaving but its in harrys trailer and a metal pipe made out of real pipes and i am leaving

                                                                      ***

i am trying to meet up with chris somehow but there is so much going on and my body is so hard to work with

start traveling to this mcdonalds where when we get there you go inside and get to where the mcdonalds is and then you have to free fall down a stair case with no stairs to get to the mcdonalds and its scary and your whole body feels like jello, it doesnt hurt exactly, but is almost worse than hurting

helen and kate are working at the mcdonalds and talking about how it feels to be hired finally like they were working there freelance
                                     
                                                                         ***
im\at my parents house and erik is there and im starting to get sick and i know i am going to get really sick its a throat thing and its bad cuz i cant get erik sick

several days ago

                                                                                I
i am in a car with ellen degenerous driving around and i am kind of being a ham with her and am at some point reflective of the fact i am so comfortable with her and cracking her up also... it seems odd but feels very comfortable... we are driving and we go by a house with a driveway and there are these huge mop haired monster people ogre things (like the monsters in where the wild things are except huge) walking up the driveway and we just kind of laugh at it and it not scary but its v weird obviously not people in costumes... she takes me to some kind of studio... and i can tell ellen likes hanging out with me i guess because i dont treat her like a celebrity and goof around... but there is food everywhere like little crumpets and i really want to eat all the food and im going to ask but then i realize of course all this food is laid out for ellen and free and i can eat it but then im too embarassed to ask about the food and too scared to eat it so i cant eat the food even though i want to ...

and i kind of get hung up on this

                                                                           II

go into nick z and jessicas house, its the top floor on a stand alone little grey house with long narrow hallways i go up wood stairs in the back and come in off a small porch and its dark but like its not night and kind of warm and seems like no one is there but then i see nick and jessica both come in and they are nice and i wonder why im in there house