it is the summer and a big group of people are at someones house in charleston. it is a pool party. at first i think it is tory's house but there is a wide elevator ish cage thing with two doors one on each end where the front door of the house is which i remember was someone else's house. maybe it was katherione pelzer's. there was two things that seemed dangerous about it. one was the door thing. bryan gaynor and bobby olsen fly in from new york. they see me but i don't go up to them right away. i must be the only person they know there but they talk to everyone and i don't even go talk to them for a few hours. bryan says he only likes things that have no serious connection at all or something like that. i think maybe we go back to new york.

i am following peacock around. we are getting ready for a show or something. people my age try to talk to me and i'm embarassed. i don't want them to say hi to me but they come over. but peacock isn't awkward about it, he makes jokes sort of like will milner. we keep walking around and bumping into each other

april 20th)

we are talking about sex. i think we are trying to explain sex to maria. for some reason matt zaccari pulls out his dick and has me help him to bend it around in a circle while putting a condom on it. this is supposed to signify how gay sex is different than straight sex (?)

i dream i wake up and i've missed all my classes. i don't know what day it is. i try to ask all my friends what day it is and none of them will give me a clear answer. i'm afraid i've missed shakespeare class.

everyone knows about me and anson-ish. alex keeps telling me i should be with him or tell him how i feel.

i am at the college and the art department is getting ready for the susan b. anthony award. all the professors submit and students may also submit. i am freaking out inside because i think the due date is that night and i dont have anything and don't think i should really submit. the college is at UVA and cliff is in the rotunda. barbara has made a submission which has a blue matress quilt thing and then a lamp and a piece of paper, all the colors match, its an arrangement of objects and it looks genius. then i go to class with cliff and he hands everyone stuffed animals to make our projects with. he brings me over a bear and brushes the side of my face with his hand. when i leave and go out side john says the submissions arent due until thrusday so i think about maybe trying to make something. it is like a carnaval-ish in the street outside.

i see kennedy on the street outside bull street gourmet. she is wearing a yellow hat. she looks more like a real woman than i remember. we hug eachother. i am with anson and he makes the couch into a futon with a dark blue futon matress on top of it. a guy who i've seen before and looks drugged out and beat up sticks his head in the window and blows out smoke. anson shuts the door. later i go to an art class and the guy who really lives upstairs and is less scary comes to the class with a camera. he is a lot less scary than the other guy and i remember how i forgot that they used to be room mates but arent anymore. he takes some pictures of me and i think i leave.

i am on some wierd trip with jonathan. he is annoying me.