I Am remembering the movie '7 year itch' in my mind only I realize it's not the movie 7 year itch I'm thinking of its a different movie with Marilyn Monroe and I can't quite think of it and every time I try to remember it it feels like a nightmare is closing in on me, I think I a with frankas at first maybe, but I am going over to john hoppers to do something with this movie or to talk about it. Almost like I am on the set of this movie where something terrible happened to Marilyn Monroe. And we are trying to make a remake. But the nightmare keeps coming over me when I try to think of the 7 year itch and I keep half waking up and checking that frankas is there with me and he is and then remembering that the movie I'm thinking of isn't the 7 year itch because I know how the 7 year itch goes and it's not a nightmare... I finally get into the project of redoing some film in this area that has the Marilyn Monroe nightmare with John hopper....we are shooting things through the subway... Glass windows and out of sequence....sort of a film noir kind of thing....then we are editing it all together on the subway and John hopper is making an event and inviting people to come see the film. No one comes but they see it on Facebook and I get upset because I think people are coming. 

I leave the subway and run into my cousin Leslie and tell her about the horrible filming and she reassures me and I end up taking a plane with her to New York. When we get To New York near where her apartment is we grab our stuff and jump out the side of the plane and are falling together for a long time and Leslie seems cool with it so I stay calm, we move our legs through the air and start slowing floating down when we get near her porch and land in her outdoor porch. Erin is there and so is uncle Andy and he has a new girlfriend a nerdy bookish looking woman. Carol is there and she has a new boyfriend and he is kind of nervous character thin and interested....she says sometimes she likes him and sometimes she just hates him...and that she turns very quickly....she has some kind of antisocial disorder or something she says and she doesn't like him very quickly and maybe is not sure if she likes him at all.

I hook up with Jonathan and we go over to Sara silks house. She is wearing kind of tie dye leggings and a black shirt. I am telling him about the movie and how I'm not sure how it turned out and how frustrating it was and am also just realizing it is on Facebook in segments so maybe people are liking it somewhere and we can see it. Sara  has lots of picture of her going to different events. I ask her if she's ever jumped out of a plane and floated down to her balcony, I say I think it's in alphabet city. She says she has. She says something about cycling or fitness or something she's doing and I say how I am no good at that stuff and she says ' you are good at a lot of things' and it makes me feel better.

amy shumer is in town and she has been texting me... things like pictures of her with a thought bubble coming out of her head and some of my birds in the thought bubble...

i realize and text her back and talk to her about going to the middle east. i realize we were supposed to go together last week but i didn't show up.

i meet up with her and bring her into a room where frankas and someone else is and introduce her. then we are at some kind of comedy club kind of backstage and i find tyrone there and someone else, a girl, maybe sam j.

i am thinking of what jokes i am going to do and trying to think of a joke to do for amy, kind of about amy...i am thinking i will do elmo and the tiniest hand job and i can't think of what to do next. i realize she really wants to go to the middle east though and its reassuring but i want to do well. i remember her saying she bombed a lot and try to think of something genuine i could just try out.

in another part of the dream i am in some kind of math class and in the math class we are making a water ecosystem in a dark room. there is a big tank of water with plant life growing all around it in the center of the room and you can walk all the way around the tank.

there are eels and fish and little miniature dolphins in the tank. i pick up one of the dolphins out of the water and it turns into one of those sponge grow-a-sponge things that gets bigger when you put it in the water. but when it is in the water it is a real miniature dolphin and it swims around.

i realize they make this whole ecosystem for the math class every semester and i start wondering what they do with all ther animals and everything after each semester.

night before last

night before last- i saw sara silk on the street in boston and went with her somewhere and was running into people i knew and we both knew, i was at some kind of art warehouse type thing that i think we were in control of, antonia there, other people, i think we were having some kind of event.

last night frankas dreamed we were being chased around by a corrupt cop and lawyer, inside, outside, and they were shooting at us. it culminated at a liquor store we must have gone in and the cop and lawyer showed up and then frankas woke up. we did not get shot. before that he dreamt we were moving carly's furniture and there were all these bed bugs that came out and he was trying to kill the bed bugs.

December 11th 2015

Francesca Antonia

A big warehouse type space where everyone from emf and beyond is there doing something

Perez Ricardo wants to know why I'm nice to him and why I treat him he way I do- I hear him talking to me from behind and I know he is pushing a shopping cart

Terence is here too there is some kind of comedy fight going on, someone has changed the tile in one of the big rooms of the wArehouse and I notice

Dave trees art is there

I have a car and Francesca villa comes in during the comedy fight and dissolves it somehow she gets in my car and I am giving her a ride before that she is sitting next to me and I ask her if she went to Antonia's wine party and she said no in her way it was ok she was watching some kangaroo show which I somehow know is a cartoon

We get in the car and i tell her it's ok even if she doubts me I feel I will prove myself to her eventually and am going to tell her about being the third and oldest villa to my surprise but see maybe she is about to cry and then she gets out of the car

Someone takes my car and iam looking around for it and upset, something has changed once the warehouse is outside

Before this I go to Sara silk and Lisa barons apartment and have a glass of wine and they are doing something there having some kind of party or something very glad I came and interested in me but the party is wrapping up too and I leave

When I lose the car I also lose a motorcycle I had somehow and iam walking around the outside warehouse area and I hear jonand kaz and people and then I see Jon and some people I the hallway and give him a long hug, I don't know what they are doing,no kaz, then I walk outside and I see kaz by the side of a building

In frankas dream there were baby badgers and they were biting at his feet and legs, they didn't quite bite. It did not hurt. He was stuck in the driftscape he says, other than that, as far as he remembers. 

I remember rp saying something to me across a table, some kind of translation barrier.

First meeting up with Jonathan in New York, we are going to some place like maybe an aquarium or something, someplace where the cafe outside has really great she'll macaroni and salad Jonathan says. We are taking the subway and when we go to get off there is a kind of hospital burlap fabric lip coming off the subway train which you are supposed to step on before you step on the platform outside and you can see how far up we are in between the fabric lip and the platform. I get petrified of the height and fall to the ground. Jonathan gingerly steps off the train. I have to crawl off on all fours and one we get on the platform I am leaning with my arms on the rail and not wearing glasses and realize if I pushed off I would fall all the way down, probably to my death. What is going on with the subways in New York?

We get down to the food court and there are already made cups of juice with alfalfa sprouts in them in a vertical row like flowers might be placed in a metal wire holder. We go to a table and I guess Jonathan has already been here and order the macaroni and salad and he gives me his leftovers.

Then I am meeting up with Sarah Lyle. She comes and meets me at the food court. I ask her about her marriage which I almost forget about since she is in New York. She says she's broken up with him so many times since they got married and says I never liked him anyway. I say I do like him. I ask her why I wasn't invited to the wedding and she gets quiet and upset about that. We talk about her family and remember all the time we spent in her house and where we slept. I see some video of Vanessa and she is a little girl still but there is a littler girl with brown hair and I don't know who she is, she's like a replacement character to the Lyle family like its the Cosby show when I'm watching it, and then a child version marykate Olsen interrupts with a hula hoop. They are all performing.

Sarah and I go on some kind of ride like a roller coaster and then are hanging out in some kind of outdoor pen and these guys come in humans but they are actually some kind of advance bird that acts and looks like a dumb human and they all drop out the other side of the pen like penguins after we say things to them and they act dumb.

We go to Laura garveys house and some other people from high school are there also and talking about how Laura is and how Laura's mom is cool I guess. Laura's mom comes home and changes in front of everyone, gets naked, but puts something else on and then is playing with the dog. I think we were talking about how uptight Laura is and her mom is totally different. I like her mom and we start playing together, she pours everyone white wine and we go in the pool, turn things into a party.

Then at alvans house and his house is a lux apartment all white. We are sitting on sofas talking and then Laura garveys mom shows up. Alvan says he doesn't have the wine. I guess every time Laura's mom shows up she pours white wine for everyone. She says she brought some and I say I will help her  get the glasses but I go to the bathroom first.

Marilyn Manson is at alvans house I guess and we end up in another room with him. He and I are really hitting it off and he is pretty into me. He starts hitting on me and wants to hook up right there. I am attracted to him but not hooking up with him. Sarah Lyle and maybe Katie baker are both there. They tell him that I have a boyfriend. He is very tall.

Right before I wake up- talking to Alyssa Richardson and Kathryn Tajiks about lacrosse, we are wearing all lacrosse gear and goggles and like we've gone through some kind of time zone change into lacrosse zone, like we stepped into a dugout in time and are now standing here about to play lacrosse I guess

Before that I am walking fast around in a circle like a kind of outdoor pavilion with lots of other people walking around it to and I am with Mariah Carey and we are singing all these Mariah Carey songs super loud and walking around in the circle

I am in an empty studio warehouse type thing, these big rooms in a basement and I guess they are supposed to be rooms at emf, I have boxes of all my stuff that I have to go through and move, I am starting to move the boxes when little soprano who used to be in scooter boi's rooms upstairs comes in. I guess these used to be his rooms, he has still been kicked out of the building but he has a key still and he comes in and starts talking about how there's all these rich kids here with rooms that never come and use them and people like him and me used our rooms....kind of complaining that he got kicked out and snooping around and asking questions and he won't leave...at first it's ok but then he won't leave and I have to go through all this stuff...and then a bunch of people come in with a cake and singing happy birthday, I forget exactly who, and I realize it's my birthday and this was why I was trying to get all the stuff put away and I get stressed out and am upset with little soprano.

travis and i are on tour. maybe someone else is with us also. someone is there when we get there, maybe jacki maynard, she is so excited that we are there and running around and wants to go next door. i guess we have played here before.

right before i wake up there is this other band playing in ernie paulins room, i think out of speakers and they are singing "somethin something something, SON,  well im the devil on the run" and i am thinking this song and this band is so good and wishing i wrote this song (although maybe i did)

we drive to the venue in a car and it is far away, maybe austin texas and we meet up with ernie paulin who we are staying with. the venue is one room that seems less like an actual venue and more like a dark empty room with no chairs and it is connected to a bar. i am drinking during the performance.

afterwards we are at ernie paulins and i notice which i noticed before he has long black scraggly hair, but at his apartment i see his hair on the sofa and realize its a wig. he is ranting about who is taking care of me? and all this stuff as if i need a babysitter or something, very brotherly like but tongue in cheek. i am eating cheetos out of my backpack and remembering i have a piece of pizza somewhere which i have been saving and thinking i should eat it. i am sitting on the floor in this dark room of his apartment and travis is on the couch. i keep asking him questions and he is acting like he cant be bothered but he is very manic like pacing around and funny. i ask him how many people live in the house? he says 17. he says he knew i forgot something while i was performing because i was drinking. i said i didnt forget anything. travis loks delighted at ernie. it is almost like a blacklight room. he goes up to the wall at some point and touches this wooden block that has something printed on it and is sticking out of the wall. the wood block wiggles like it is made out of sensitive flimsy rubber. i want to investigate it but i don't get up. i decide i will check it out later. then the song comes on (i can see the band in my mind but i am still in the room).

then my birth control alarm goes off

Frankas Antonia and I go to an event at this place that she knows, some kind of educational facility, we go and sit at a table. Frankas is dressed up like a woman wearing a kind of a garden party outfit. we are sitting at the table and i notice some blood on his face. then i notice his nose is bleeding and i tell him and he leaves. i forget what happens at the party after that,

either i leave and com back or i never leave. you walk into this place and it seems like they are always serving some kind of sponge loaf of bread. i think maybe i went first with antonia and they had the sponge bread and then we came back with frankas.

when we are leaving their is a kind of woody academic looking hall of sorts with pews in it where people go through or stay in on their way in or out. artie lange comes in and everyone is greeting him. he is kind of a midget with a gigantic head, normal looking but gigantic like a bobble head and lots of hair and not that fat just a midget. and he is looking at us and is friends with everyone at this academy. i see him there more than once.

i go back again alone and up a set of stairs and it is a class going on, i just participate in the class very easily. one time we are watching a movie that could be described as 'magical realism' there is a boy and a horse that explodes into cigars and i am forgetting the plot but it was very loose.

i go back again and the teacher had passed out a one page pamphlet writing type thing for everyone to read before the class, i don't have one so i turn around to leave and she follows me out into the hall. i ask her if she has any extra papers but she says no. she shows me the paper and i realize its some kind of propaganda poster related to that movie we watched with the little boy and the horse.

antonia shows up looking different a few times.

i go back again and there are two girls at a table kind of like a cafeteria table. another time i am eating the sponge cake or whatever and there is one girl with blonde hair kind of like dana and i guess this place or a nearby place outside this place is a music school. i have the vague idea that we are still in boston. a man comes up out of nowhere and he sounds like ryan douglass but he is a little bit older man and he is coming to talk to dana and tell her how  great her music is and how special he thinks it is and how she should play her guitar out on the street and get students for music lessons and play the students her music. he is saying this stuff to her and she just acts very clearly creeped out by him. she says "you seem really happy" in a kind of petrified kind of way...

then later at the table i am asking one girl about the school, also with long blond hair but a different girl. and she says she's been going there for a long time and I'm asking her about how do they teach and what she remembers and she is trying to think of what she remembers the most and her mannerisms are kind of funny and me and the girl next to me are kind of laughing at that in an inclusive way.

then there is a big food serving, and i guess this is what we're all waiting for, becuas we've just been at the table talking about the school and an older woman comes in and asks whats going on and someone says we have a sub or something today so then they bring out this hot pasta and stuff and put it in the other room.i goto get some and am preparing a great bowl which i misplace.

travis shows up here and is annoying somehow I'm not sure what he does but i end up kicking him and hitting him and every time i do he complains very loudly and says his shoulder is broken and says how hurt he is but also like he's encouraging me to hit him and just wants to show the other people there how hurt he is by me and i am trying to show them what a liar he is and a scape.

when i look for my food bowl it has been almost eaten, one of the other students points at it and i can see its been eaten and they say some little kid came in and ate it so i am trying to re-prepare the food bowl.

a kind of a screen play going on where i play a character played by elisabeth shoe and nicholas cage is involved.... it seems to start out in this 'whole foods' that is a barn and attached to some new age museum downtown and inside the whole foods is also an exotic pet store but it is hard to get into the exotic pet store part...

when i get in there finally (and maybe i am elisabeth shoe) louis ck is in there too and looking at the animals... there is one animal that looks like a miniature blue koala bear... it comes with its own backpack and seems to roll around on the floor a lot...

i try to convince louis ck that we should buy this animal together

(is this the whole gist of the screenplay?)


things turn into a trip in italy we are on, me and maybe julia or someone that kind of seems like julia and lorne michaels i know because i keep saying lorne michaels because i start yelling about my shoulder and leave the group trip on my bicycle and I'm flying down highways in italy on my bicycle and i know i've been there before and I'm saying that someone told me on the plane that i had dislocated part of my shoulder to a certain part and i am crying to lorne about it.

i am looking at the shoulder on an x ray at where the skin and meat has sunk beneath the bone,
when i wake up.

i am in a large supermarket that almost seems like the part of the cofc buildings where snap is located and student services, and is served to riverside community care... i know because i am in the spine between the supermarket and what must be riverside community care behind a set of glass doors because gail is on her phone outside the doors and i can tell she is working

i am looking for something in the grocery store...

i have to go back to the tank and when i get in the tank there are a couple of black rapper guys who i guess are watching the tank...alvan is not around...it appears things have been infiltrated by rappers...

will comes into the tank and i am thinking i will explain everything to him but i'm too busy with what i've got to do in my mind and i don't really talk to him, i guess it kind of seems like i'm ignoring him for some reason

but he is there, shows up, wearing a pink shirt, wearing a blue checkered shirt

*saw marykate and ashley olsen on the street in central square, talking to one another, me seeing them as if omniscient third party, marykate talking about/doing something with her hair, remember realizing it was them and being surprised at how human they were

^just now remembering this after seeing online article that ed burroughs posted saying marykate got married (with katie baker in the tank)

in some weird kind of alternate world EMF and there are two glass frames on the wall with that black velvet background and the white letters you can change arouind and in the frames it has several different times a day, 11:00, 3:00 and next to it "rabbits, and other classes....

what is the class i am deciding i am going to? it is at 11:00. it is something like meditation but i think it is not meditation...

i am lying on the ground and frankas is sleeping and i am kind of laying on him and he isn't really frankas he is someone else and he doesn't want to do anything with me and i am thinking, i am going to take this class, maybe it is hypnotism?

cg is walking around

then i am in a room looking at joe mccarthy who is sitting in a chair and has a wig on, it looks kind of like his normal hair but longer on the sides and black, he has white face on and he has bright red all over his mouth or starts to put it on...

he is talking about something he calls 'independent' i look over and realize the fake frankas is there next to me and he is very doubtful about this scene and joe's story...he asks joe what the 'independent' is or joe starts trying to describe it

i tell joe he looks like hitler like a hitler clown and he does look just like that he looks very funny


*in frankas dream he was getting evicted from EMF 'TOMORROW' for posting a picture of the landlord with a hooker...he didnt know who the landlord was or that he had posted that...they said yeah, well it was a street photo but he was in the window of the barbershop

Right before I wake up I am wearing a wig beard sitting across from someone like john stephen Dwyer trying to do a skit and my friend also has a beard but I'm reading the script saying no my wig had me itchin like a mad dog this morning like a bad dog, my beard had me scratching like a hyena and they are kinda laughing and I am hoping we are filming this before I realize it is a dream...

Traveling stunt outdoors with Dave tree and planning to go see Chelsea in New York and getting in contact with her, trave,ing around with Dave tree feels like going around the neighborhood like Scott kitchens in the summer in norwell

Before falling asleep had an idea for a screenplay where frankas and I are Siamese Twins and we both want different careers I am thinking maybe one of us wants to be a dancer and the other does not.

Handwritten dreams September

Right before I wake up I am at some kind of fair ground by a river with my brother and mother and Leslie and uncle Andy and some woman they know with strawy bleach blonde hair in a scrunchie ponytail and a white dress, we are standing in front of a glass wall of different pizzas in each glass box I am thinking I 

Want to get the Quartz kale pizza and the salmon pizza, I thought nane was going to be meeting us too but she is not there so I wonder if she is dead and no ones told us yet, my brother is being annoying in his management of events style and I'm wondering if my mother is hating him and this is why

Before this I wonder if Travis turned intomy brother

Because before this 

We 

We're on some kind of tour and there is this Malaysian place on the street, seems like New York maybe, where you can take food and once you have you're doing the buffet and Travis takes some food and I see him so I decide to take some but then we have to go load stuff in the car I take some red cherries with liquid I think they are called hot cherries and mixed them in with rice and they were very good I was trying to get back to the buffet to get more food but the next time we passed there wa no food outside anymore and then again later we ended up going in but something keeps keeping me from getting the food and being able to eat it

Last week I dreamed I was with jonathan and that Lindsay had died.

I am at some kind of lesbian parade and maybe dressed like Amy wine house but there are other girls definitely dressed like amywinehouse and trying to impersonate her and sing like her but also crying and I'm not sure what I'm doing there or if I'm trying to sing like Amy wine house or if I'm just mourning her and hoping to see her- I leave the parade and go to this kind of sea side bar big open room and Jonathan is there and Lindsay and my psychiatric nurse Tara, Jonathan is talking about this Mexican place we love to go to in the city and we decide we will all go and we get there and there is some kind of new drink which is bright red and called something. That begins with an s and very strong. I am thinking whether I should get the new drink or a regular margarita. The new drink is on a pedestal in the bar and I guess Jonathan's goi g to get it. I am worried we will get the psychiatric nurse too drunk and I see her eyes crossing.

Before I find Jonathan or around the same time Mars Jupiter is there and we go to some upstairs outdoor beach bar and he is thinking we are going on a date or something and I have to leave to avoid him.

I am on a journey some kind of art tour with Antonia and coriander and we are on a big bus with other people on the bus also who are not on the art tour. I can see the art in the bathrroom, sometimes the bus seems bigger than a bus and more like a building by the large bathrooms which we have been doing art in, there is lots of black, big birds on paper and the birds are colorful neon like primary neon color with black painted all over the background and Antonia has some pieces of hers like this too with lots of black negative space. We are on the bus and we stop and stay at Amanda's house and I think thrones grandma lives there too and some other women and not sure if Amanda is there but don't think she is, there are big oriental rugs curling up at the edges of the room laid out in the bedroom, the rooms are large, and all the furniture and furnishings in the room are wrapped and covered in brown paper, I am looking around and thinking whe does Amanda sleep and thinking she stayed in the other room. I use the bathroom and in the bathroom there is shit on the floor by the toilet and I am guessing it is to do with something like one of the women is kind of crazy, like they'd are living in poverty but the house is nice and there doesn't seem enough reason for it to be that way...I am trying to use the mirror or the toilet and avoid the shit and its very disturbing to be in there

We get back on the bus and somewhere the bus stops and I know it is San Francisco and I get off the bus and call anson thinking maybe he will show up right there and meet my friends and he answers but hangs up quick and I don't see him I realize Antonia and coriander aren't with me and I've gotten off the bus thinking we must be changing buses but maybe we weren't- I get on the next bus and somehow a while later we all realize we're on the same bus again..

We're making art in a house and then I see the paintings on paper the black and neon birds and Antonia's pieces fractal pieces hanging up on a wall very tight and close together like maybe we're having an art show..

With frankas and he is drunk and he gets arrested or I get arrested but we get out of it- I think I get arrested and then get away during it because it's a casual arrest and I leave during it and a wondering if it isn't better to just stay on the lamb- frankas is running around and drunk and I lose him somewhere, we are inside and outside of this big house that reminds me of glen and cindy's cookout- we make croissants with chocolate inside and they are very good me and frankas make them but then I lose him he runs off and I am in the house- somehow I know where he's gone and I go running through the town, it has just snowed and the snow is on the ground but very dry and it's warm out and I go running through the town with just my fathers running socks on and feeling good and warm and it's good running on the snow, I make it to the house and there's someone just coming into the house and I ask him if he lives there and can he let me in and he does and we open the door and frankas is inside with a bunch of people that I seem to know and they are having fun I think I tell them how I got arrested then we are all in a big basement type room and Karen is there and frankas is trying to kiss Karen in front of me but she won't let him but she's flirting with him and I am just thinking how terrible this is but i won't care

I am with rp but talking to frankas and telling frankas about how I am having this dream that rp and I are both in separate planes and flying from one part of the world to another in a very short amount of time very easily like the whole earth is a small ball of parts (land) that is easily navigable by these planes and the planes are easy to land and if you fall out of the plane you can do it easily enough to land softly on the ground, you just need to look for land, Rp is only rp for a minute sitting in the other plane but then I think he is someone else or the other person becomes less of a concrete person... I am dreaming this and telling frankas about it and start talking out loud and realize I am dreaming that I am dreaming this and telling frankas about it and really frankas is asleep next to me. So he is there. 

Then I am with some woman some black woman and what is she doing...it is like we are running a cafe or something....some kind of party going on....something very silly but fun dreaming....maybe I will remember,

When I wake up I am thinking of how pleasant my dreams were and how fabricated...

It was doing something very simple with the woman....

I am looking out a window in a car driving and I see two Buffaloes in a field starting to get into a fight and I alert the car maybe frankas driving? But he is not there after to the buffalo and they're tout and run down the street after us and at the next house there is a at and the Buffalos cause the cat to start running and it seems like a new animal comes out and starts running at every house/ farmhouse we pass in the car,

We end up at a modern Adobe looking one floor house that I guess is the kardashians house, the Buffalos are outside the door and I am looking to see what they are like, if they are friendly and they seem interested in people, I let them in or the door gets open and they get in the house and they are very docile around people,

The woman who owns them a squat Hawaiian looking woman comes over and lingers maybe because it is the kardashians and she is

 Looking togetsomething from them or sell them the Buffalos but then she is walking them back down the street with halters and leashes on them walking them back toward her house

I see Bruce Jenner and kris Jenner and there is a different apartment that seems tobe the kardashians they aren't talking to me directly but they look at me, one of them is grinding salt onto a cutting board

In a different scene I am with Sara silk and her friend Lisa and maybe some others, we are outside a chain link fence by an area of long fields and Sara silk is hanging off the fence and chewing a water bottle and thinking of a skit or doing a skit

Then I am on a talk show with Conan I think watching Kanye west and Kim kardashian talking to Conan telling him this interview is going to net 21million dollars or more and that he should go to this website after the show because it is supposed to net21 million dollars and she is very authoritative and excited about this facts if she is really telling Conan to dothis and expecting him to which is strange I am thinking she must want other people to go tithe site but the ,delivery is a good kind of tactic for getting people to look at it because she's being so serious about it whatever it is

Frankas had dreamed he was with his cousin who looks like Ray going to a wedding and he had To go into an unlocked house to change and he goes into the bathroom and is changing in the bathroom and the shower is spraying all over him as he gets dressed

Frankas dreamed he saw Anton Newcombe again and frankas thanked him for getting him into the Ben show at middle east and Anton said ya man you were stressing me out I couldn't get you into that show and frankas is going to get him a beer

I dreamed ere was a party going on at emf but emf was more like a big auditorium or cafeteria with a backyard and Dave tree was being the bartender in the backyard making some kind of orange drink, cg is there and tells me about the Orange drink, frankas is around but we are not together and he has a former girlfriend who is coming around, maybe I just know about this at first but then I see her, we are brought together I guess at this store place outside of emf and she takes all her clothes off and wants to see my vagina, I refuse to show her my vagina but I don't hate her, she is friendly but weird I don't think she likes me and she looks kind of like marnie, frankas is telling me eventually she was his girlfriend before me and they were together for a year and i think she has a child I am kind of getting upset at her being around but I stay cool I guess (frankas was reading excerpts from his diary including descriptions of other women which may have led to the dream exmarnie girlfriend figure)

Last night eating pizza, at some kind of outdoor party family party kind of thing with barns or clubhouses and a big yard going between, reminds me of Mary lees house or a scene in the vs ysitters club, Jonathan is there... Eating pizza, lots of pizza different kinds different slices of pizza and I am eating one with vegetables tasting very good

Night before last I am sleeping with frankas only he doesn't look like frankas he looks kind of like Ben katzman and there are two other people we sleep with together and he likes to sleep with those people together with us and not just me and I am getting upset...

Night before that I am sleeping with my father but frankas is there also somewhat peripherally and I realize within the dream what is going on , seemingly become lucid 

Somewhere I also have a dream with Sarah Lyle at a restaurant type deal at a table with a white tablecloth, catching up on since she's been married and maybe she gets drunk?

^ am very glad to wake up last two nights and realize I've been dreaming and the waking reality is different

night before last

dreaming i have just showed up in new york and i run into this little blonde girl who i think is killy dwyer (who i have never met in real life) she is wearing a tutu and bright colors or hair clips or maybe has braces, and she convinces me to come with her to her apartment in brooklyn and i do and leading up to her apartment door is a wobbly wood bridge on strings like you might find in the jungle and below us is a cliff and lots of horses and right in front of her door is a horse standing with its face facing her door and barely enough room to go around it and i am wanting to ride the horse and hoping we will be able to ride horses. i touch the horse and it startles and i realize there is a small child sitting on top of the horse and feel bad for startling it but wishing it had not startled at my touch, not meaning to startle it. her apartment is nice and i wonder if she has it all to herself because no one else is there. i am glad that i came with her because she seems very nice and i don't know why i was hesitant to go with her before.

i go to sleep in the tank

in my dream frankas has let ruby rose fox and some guy into his room to take a shower while i am in the tank and i come to find out and am upset mostly at the prospect that he has seen them naked and then i am out in the hall outside his door and i think i am talking to karen for a while but i don't remember our conversation

night of october 11

dreaming about patti smith, watching her somehow and then talking to her but she was talking more so and i was just listening and watching her and then in a situation where we were roommates or going to be roommates it was a room almost like a hospital room with red leather cots and i was waiting for patti smith to come in...and realizing we were going to be roommates here...

woke up and asked frankas if he had just been dreaming about patti smith,

and he said no, but that his mother's sister (patty smith)'s cat (puddy/puffy) had just died that morning,

he had received a text from his mother   saying this

the same patty smith who made rufus


connection?!

Two nights ago

Right before I wake up I am hanging out with Adam Jacobs and his girlfriend he is getting married to maybe they are having a party for their engagement or something but they are having this huge party and the girl he is marrying is like Colleen Colbert and she is really nice and fun and I am having a great time with them and all their friends, there are animals at the party and maybe drag queens and also a big wood stage

When I wake up in real life Tyrone has just told me night before we can no longer be friends and I receive a text message from Amanda telling me she is never going to talk to me again

C'est last vie mon ami

When frankas is falling asleep he is going no no no and I ask him what's happening and he says someone was trying to stick fingers up his butt

Jason tedeschi comes over my house for some reason there are three beers in my parents basement that we share one in an Oscar Schmidt but it is really that other kind of beer that maybe begins with an o and has cursive writing on it and is someone like Oscar Schmidt (the guitar) but not - my parents are out of town

I have to leave to go and meet Sara silk and her friend Lisa and some of her other friends at this movie bar somewhere in hull and I drive from my parents house it is a bar with a movie theater attached and you get drinks and then go into the movie, we are playing around doing improv and when Lisa does improv with Sara Sara gets right up in her face as she's speaking like touching her face with her face and it is very funny and I like hanging out wi them I am somewhat worried about drinking and driving and being neurotic 

Another sequence before that I am washing nane in a bathtub , we are at her house and my mom and dad are there and we are all in the bathroom and washing her and she is going under the water and they are saying she is ok and I pull the drain and she comes up for air and she says this is why I want you to live with me or this is why you are my friend because I'm going blurb bluh blurb bluh blurb bluh blurb down there and then she breathes deeply and says happy new year everybody! And in that moment I think she seems like Marilyn Monroe

I pull one of my teeth out and very quickly realize they were all attached to this one metal band that ran in a semicircle at the top of my mouth and now it's come undone and all the other teeth start coming out and the white teeth pull off first and underneath they are just black tabs but then even the black tabs are coming loose and coming off because the metal wiring has come unhinged and I've just done it to myself and am getting horrified and wake up quickly to realize it is a dream and my teeth are still there but upon waking up today am not sure if I really woke up or just woke up In the dream,

Feeling of clawing to climb out of the dream soup, to realize this as an unreality, similar to the cat power dream

I am successful

One night ago

Find Gina in a weird kind of carnival town closest resemblance in real time to a Disney world/ Salem combo am looking for a lesson or to ride, she looks like a shrunken Susan Sarandon and has apparently gone through big life changes which she alludes to, she is surrounded by friends, I guess her husband went through some, kind of sex change but she has also changed, we keep traveling on trains,

Oh there is also this cosmetic and jewelry underground boutique place where Rachael Hayes and Jonathan both work and I go there and eat lots of food that is put on tables and Rachael tells me I can  work there also, I miss getting any good makeup and this transitions into finding Gina

I ask Gina about dj and she gets more upset seeming Han about her husband and not sure whatshe says exactly but it seems he has gone off somewhere and maybe left riding and doesn't speak to her I guess, there has been some kind of split in their relationship

Leaving the underground makeup boutique or Gina I run into the Granara family and am happy to see them and follow them back wherever they came from, they are very nice, always good to see Michelle in dreams for some reason

With Gina we stop in some kind of courthouse situation for some reason with all these people on benches and we are waiting for something maybe something I said I needed pros it therapy? She is saying how great itis here in the town where she lives now and this is what it's like, outside there are carriage horses and it has an old time feel, kind of like a dream town ive been in before

Two night ago

Frankezoid is coveringme in ketchup everywhere we go and I guess I am mad or annoyd with him and it seems like we're heading somewhere or end up at the freedom rally

In a small classroom with no windows with cat power and she is singing this song performing for a group of us on a small classroom and I am playing the flute arguably very poorly in the corner and the girl sitting next to me in the classroom moves far away from me as if I am offending her and the performance but chan Marshall seems into It and encouraging me and it starts her singing this song (above) which I could sing and remember perfectly when I woke up at 6 44 from frankas alarm

Sleeping after I am stuck in a mall and here is one cool store In the mall where there is supposed to be a show joe McCarthy is going to and has told me about, kind of like a high fidelity in the mall,

But I am lost in all these huge department stores and searching for the one store high sells liquor without wanting to ask around the mall about it, I finally find it and there are samples of bourbon on tables and the store is being run by a futuristic black man and I see a bottle of what looks like 1000 apples or whatever it's hot red liquid color but it's called Jarva land and I think it's $7 and I'm gonna buy it but I think I woke up

Right before I wake up

I am trying to climb up a very tall ladder that has very thin spindly boards as steps with some of the steps missing

Up to my apartment

And it is occurring to me 'this is an anorexia apartment' 

Because it is built to be almost falling apart and straining under my weight as I am trying to climb up the ladder and is supposedly only for very thin people to live in

I remember, Sara silk has just lived in this apartment before me

And I am trying to get upstairs to my apartment to get one vegetarian sandwich from the refrigerator which I have just remembered is there

When Jessica church comes up on the porch behind me and maybe I tell her what I am doing and she says the sandwich is in the refrigerator downstairs and gets it for me and I don't have to climb back up the ladder

Jessica church is living in the apartments downstairs which are divided up in this big fragile house like a house in charleston I guess

She comes out another time before this and has a bag dog with her both times which comes and helps me with her and is one time wearing a mask

It is a big husky looking dog like the dog XO only it is all black, she drives away in a car with it

I vaguely remember being upstairs in the apartment and having a roommate

I was on a us being driven or at least a field trip being 

Edybytom tiptonand the bus was going all throughout wilderness I was thinking about zaza and living in New Hampshire 

I had been told where we were going to a farm somewhere

Maybe of the blue was moving to a farm, I was told we would be able to ride the horses there

I was looking out the window and seeing all these wild animals coming outofthewoods 

(Frankas said I was laughing in my sleep)

We got to where the farm was and I could seethe horses and they were very short and stocky like ponies almost but I was hopeful they were short horses not ponies

They had long long white manes that hung in their eyes and over their bodies and did not look like horses that were being ridden, I was afraid we couldn't ride them

Palomino color a dark tan 

It turned out we were in New Hampshire and maybe at aunt Flossie's house my mother was there

Atone point in the garage like the garage at my parents house and something happened with Melanie on the phone and I got very upset with her and stormed in the house and was very angry

Right before I woke up I was withher in what seemed like the rugged bear but was supposed to became somewhere where we had stopped and there were bathing suits for$10 and she was having me pick one out and I was grabbing quite a few and then regretting it because I didn't want to have to try them on

Before that at aunt Flossie's but whichwSmore like my parents housei was upstairs in my brothers room with this dark haired guy, handsome, he Put on a black wig and looked very goodie it I was admiring him,he seemed like some kind of comedian

Then he took the wig off and was standing on the right side of the bed by the window in front of the mirror and he suddenly became Asian but like he had always looked that way and then I noticed that his head was shaped like a camera, an old time camera with different boxes coming one out of the other,

That's what his head was shaped like

//

Frankas dreamed he went to work in a building somewhere and John Cremona was there working and there was a supervisor and the supervisor was also john Cremona and frankas wanted to say something about how he heard he nada show coming up but there wasn't't enough time

And then he realized he was in the ghetto and was scared and also it was late at nightand no one else was in the building

And then he had to leave on a bicycle and something which was very hard to navigate on the bicycle

9/17/2015

9/16/2015

visiting alex johnson in new york

(similar feeling to recently visiting rachael hayes in new york in real life)

she lives in some kind of tree house type place it is summer or very sunny out, i think she has room mates

she has to go to work or school but she is calm and seems in a good place, unsure of what i am doing or supposed to be doing

coming back from some long kind of road trip

going to visit frankazoids mother we get in a bed with her

thanksgiving atmosphere

it seems like my parents bed and my parents bedroom

we are all holding beers i think and tying not to spill them maybe there is some spillage

maybe we are watching tv





frankazoid was holding this wire and it started shocking him and then it stuck to him and he couldn't get it off and he was gonna call tome for help but tun he thought no i wouldn't help him

he also dreamed he was the best man for his cousins wedding and he was late and he was fucked up and he was like 'why do i have to do this, i barely knew those peoples'

I have a dog, someone has gotten it for me, itis a puppy, kind of like Chloe, it is long like an oversize hot dog dog and made of poodle , it has dark copper curly hair, like e dog Maury but darker

I forget I have itand then see it is sleeping on my parents pillows by my head

I am staying with my mother and maybe she has gotten me the dog

Whenever I forget it isee it has followed me to wherever I am

Feeling I need to go to new york for something

Get together with Jonathan and lindsay and all Lindsay's girlfriends but we are at my house and getting ready to go ona trip, I think to New York

Trying to eat before we leave, beets from a Tupperware container

Have a feeling that I am being left out in some way

in a strange college town where there is a coffee shop and sara silk is there and maybe her friend lisa baron... sarah silverman is about to do a standup set at the coffee shop and it costs maybe $5 and i am unsure whether i can go and walk down the street.

there is an apartment with the door open and i can see a group of people sitting around a table and think maybe i recognize them. i walk in and it is john hopper maccallum and his nuclear family all wearing very kitchy christmas outfits. there is a cat and it seems like i know the cat. i believe i greet the cat and the cat runs out the door.

they are surprised to see me but very nice to me when i walk in. i ask john if he is going to see sarah silverman. when the cat runs out the door we go outside. i am standing outside with john's mother and notice there is a big dog laying on the porch. it seems the dog does not move. the mom makes a joke about the dog and also says kit is a 'nurse's dog'.  i think the joke is supposed to be about the dog being a beached whale and it takes me a minute to decide this was the joke and then i say something to illustrate that i got the joke. i am no longer sure if her comment was a joke. if not, i have certainly just said something offensive.

i get the distinct impression, however, that the dog is unmoving at all times and lives its life as if on bed rest on the front porch of their home facing in toward the door (perhaps why they keep the door open) the dog also looks more like a cartoon girl and her ears look like hair and i believe she can talk. she has a very large body and many nipples.

the inside of their home as far as i can see it is very ornamental and rich looking, the wall paper is blue and white with gold embellishing and as i start to look around i notice more gold and ornamentation in the decor. it is much like napoleon's apartments at the louvre.

Frankas and I are watching a show called the next big American showcase in my parents room, right before I wake up a brunette cheerleader looking girl is about to shoot herself out of a cannon

Before that it is following mostly comedians and I guess the cannon girl is supposed to be a comedian too...

There is an androgynous looking girl with short curly hair in a car with some of the other contestants and she is talking about 'do you think I have burs?' To this other girl and then

Starts saying the word burr and moving her lip all different ways as she says it, then she is talking about her childhood and how she told racist jokes and there is a flashback scene

More like a dramatic movie of her as a chubby kid with long hair telling her mom a joke that goes 'when does a dog kill a possum in yellow snow' 'how do you know it is yellow' or something

The joke is supposed to be about the snow being yellow and the possum being really white and it is supposed to be racist but I'm not sure it is

And her mom is saying no or that it is not a good joke but it is funny, the scene

(I guess I want her to win)

Before that we are watching a show with a bunch of people talking about some guy named Damien who is slow and I guess they all knew him or worked with him and they are talking about his funny

Affectations and then one guy tells a story about how Damien's dog got into an ant hole and there were monkey ants in the hole and they all but the dog and the guy came over and couldn't find

The dog because he was hiding I guess, I think the dogs name was bandit, and Damien said something like 'I ain't done nothing that he wouldn't't done himself' and I guess the story is supposed 

To be that the dog died although I don't think it was Damien's fault, I wonder if that was supposed to be the point of the whole show.

multiple dreams/nights

two or so days ago- me and tyrone jones are in some kind of dollar store where he knows someone who works there and we can take whatever we want but some weird kind of deal like we have to eat it right away or carry it a long way and we both shit on the floor but not really shit on the floor just kind of wipe our butts on the floor and then when i look back later someone has mopped the area, i assume the guy he knows that works there...


last night- lindsay is pregnant and i am seeing it on facebook or somethin she is looking down at her stomach but still skinny
can't find frankas or he is ignoring me or being rude to me and i am upset with him

*lucid dreaming

8/29/15

Same night as cat power dream....

I see carol Ann on a couch dressed cool in a grey shirt and jeans maybe only slightly self conscious, I see her there, not exactly sure where we are but realizing she grew up at emf in the same way I did, so maybe we are at emf, like she is coming back and exposing how she knows everyone here and they all know her and she used to be here before me and knows all about everything and everyone

What a wonderful dream for me!

Going to New Hampshire, see kaz in New Hampshire first maybe he is going on tour or something understanding how he has a job and things are different for him with the band... 

Then at my parents house and wanting to leave to go to New Hampshire to stay at the merits house which for some reason we can stay at but they won't let me go and I am upset and staying at their house and not wanting to be there

Then Erik and I are arriving at the merits place in New Hampshire and go by all thi stuff for free on the street outside and pick it up, their is a miniature organ and also a keyboard I think is mine that my parents have thrown out but turns out is. Different one long and skinny plugs into the wall very simple but does not play loud

Then my parents frankas and I are all on vacation on some kind of houseboat and they are going cliff climbing, I am just sitting spider style on frankas lap

My mom goes off the side of the house boat ledge and onto a gray cliff and my dad also goes, when my mom jumps onto. Rock of grey cliff material she causes it to rise upward like some kind of move on legend of the hidden temple, it goes very high and I am afraid of the height for a moment

Night before last- donut dream realization

Driving somewhere with michael butler from the butts we fm show and others, stop at some coffee shop called Ray's cafe or something like that

Butts grabs about six sandwiches panini like which are stuffed in a row in front of the cash register like newspapers, he has been here before

I take forever deciding what kind of donut I want,I want all the donuts but am thinking how I should not eat donuts and finally ask the cashier what his favorite donut is and he pulls out a donut that looks like a croissant envelope with a bubble part on top, 

He says it is part muppet 

And it is filled with chocolate, I decide to get this donut but do not have achanceto eat it before I wake up

Waking up and realizing the donuts are not real I try to go back to sleep and eat all the donuts while i still can!

(Real time) yesterday evening walk with frankas to whole foods to buy toothpaste and wander around bakery section while he is in line thinking about my donut dream but not seeing any donuts AND THEN 

Seeing hidden free sample of cut up donuts on a plate and so I take two pieces and give one to frankas (which he throws away) and eat mine because I feel I must and it also tastes good and this must be some dream reality connection, undeniable I think

There is a grey long haired skinny collie like mix dog outside the whole foods and he startles us with his quiet presence when we walk out through the covered parking garage, he has his 

Leash tied

To a pole and were walking away from him, I've gotten down to two inner pieces of the Brady part of the donut which I don't really want and run back

To the dog and give him one piece which he takes semi reluctantly and drops and then eats and once he tastes it gets up and is eager for more,

I make him sit and ask for his paw which he gives me and I give him the second piece, frankas says he wants to go back and brush the dogs teeth but he doesn't and that you shouldn't feed other people's dogs and I tell him

I don't think people own dogs

And remember the time I fed Heather Faile's hot dogs to the dog outside the piggly wiggly

(With some pride)

(Before also this same night we witnessed a dog which sat down hilariously several times during its walk like it had dropsy but was just itching its neck,

Accompanied by a very patient 'owner')

I am freaked out knowing I am dreaming, lucid in the reality of dreaming

Woke up and ate pasta and chocolate cake early in the am (real time)

Feverish lucid dream nightmares I was struggling to wake up from, testing my dreams to know I was dreaming, knew I was dreaming and could not change dreams or seem to wake up for a long time

Looking for frankas and trying to tell him I was dreaming, something like drugs or alcohol getting involved, going to meet alvan or find frankas to go to the cat power show

Get to the cat power show and no one is there and I go outside, there are people there but not alvan or frankas, some Russian girl with blonde hair I am kind of in charge of

Leave the show and get stuck/lost in a food court, my mother is there

Forgetting about time or realizing its dream time which is different and realize I might be missing the cat power show

Get back to the cat power show and I've missed the whole thing and I am so upset and crying and devastated

Go in and it is like a rounded amphitheater seating with all permanent seating kind of like where neutral milk hotel played but smaller you can get right to the stage and cat power is there

She looks so happy and healthy and clean like a flower girl and she has just finished and is handing out some kind of flyer to people

I go up to near the front row and she hands me a poster flyer and touches my arm and says I am a special girl

I try to be happy and am happy and so happy to see her but still so upset I missed the show

Back outside to the food court my mother is there and the blonde Russian girl my mother is with some other people and is leaving I haven't eaten yet and it's all street food carts I see a cart selling perogies

And want a perogies, my mother gives me money and I get a perogies ( they also have big stuffed and fried habanero peppers which iwant to ask how much are they but don't and don't get one) 

There is a blonde guy who is at the perogies stand and starts talking about how insane it is the perogies cost 7 dollars a piece and it's only 200 calories and like drinking water to him

But the perogies is a giant perogies and I am eating it very slowly while he is talking to me and enjoying it immensely 

I remember I told therussian girl we would get a drinkir she wanted to get a drink and I wasn't sure if she meant an alcoholic drink or not, I don't get back to her before I wake up

When I wake up I am so glad thecat power show has not happened yet in real life I was trying together out of that dream for so long

One

I should have just enjoyed meeting her there

I run into some people from high school in downtown Boston and end up getting in a car with Jason tedeschi and Corinne perry, like we are going to a club or something but we end up going to an event like a rich house living room or an event place all windows and white carpeting and it is Andrew ? Bachelor party, Erin fitzgibbons is there all people from high school mostly my grade, we walk in and there are all these different superhero themed pins on the table you can take and pens and pencils with mini troll dolls on the eraser heads, I am taking stuff but semi aware I don't think I was invited to the party, then I realize no one who was invited is really friends with Andrew. My father is there and Andrews mom comes out from behind the crowd over by a row of windows and says someone was sent to pick up Erik and my father almost says something and we are thinking it must be my brother and is my brother supposed to be Andrews best friend? Scooter boi is on a couch behind me sitting next to Michelle Granara and saying something stupid and she is like do you know anybody here? Andrew when I glimpse him looks like an Arab man with dark circles under his eyes. There is a big log in the middle of the room with ropes on either side and Hilary duff is there and has a lisp and wants to start the rope log going, Michelle Granara and scooter and another person all get on the rope log and other people lift it in the air and Michelle Granara is complaining that her parents are holding either side of the rope log and it isn't any fun cause they're holding it too steady. 

Then the dream fast forwards and I realize it is a movie, it must be following Hillary duffs character because it fast forwards to her in a bathtub with a guy and she has a lisp and the guy is saying how she does things like a man has sex like a man and for some reason she turns into a black girl and then there are people still on the sidelines watching because someone maybe scooter yells out ' like a guinea pig ' and scooter says o yah like in Apollo 13 so there must be some guinea pig joke that is a reference to Apollo 13

Like we are making/ watching the movie that is the dream

Frankas dreamt he was fighting people in his fathers living room but trying to mix a song at the same time and trying to convince the person he is fighting to help him mix the song.

some weird alternate emf like universe i take a pill and not sure how many i took by accident more than one and spit them out and they look like tic tacos supposed to be vyyvanse so i know something is up

seems like picnic tables

maybekatie baker

had sex with frankas and then had to have sex with rp for some reason or there was a quick shift in the fabric of time in any case these things happened one after the other and then i realized more clearly and crawled back to frankas and he may have been upset

august 13th

yesterday was dreaming i was going over to lindsay's house and going to tell my dad i was going over and wondering whether i had to ask permission...

frankas woke up and woke me up too at 5 am and i thought oh thank god i can just go over i don't really have to tell/ask my dad

I go down to some horse farm in the woods where I can ride or I know the horses and there are fields and pens full of horses but no one there. The horses are grouped together like cattle with barely any room between them. Many horses are lying down.

There is no one there at the farm and I guess I decide not to ride.

Outside the pens there is an animal tied to the ground with a long leash. At first I think the animal is some kind of tiger creature. It is pale beige with the head kind of like a tiger and the body more like a horse. When I go up to it it lowers its back and stretches its body out as if I were to ride it or get on its back. I try almost to get on its back but it starts moving around and I don't. I take it kind of by the leash looking around to see if anyone is there and start walking down the trail that leads out of the woods. I look down and see its jaw closer and see that its jaw is broken and made of rubber plastic tubing kind of like if a car door were broken or some part of a refrigerator was exposed. I notice it has a collar and dog tags around its neck.

I am walking down the trail out of the woods and there are people on the trail. The leash is down under the floorboards of the ground and this is how I've been able to go so far with the animal without taking it off the leash.

I am going back to where I left Frankas, mostly in some ind of sunroom that has a vague reminiscence of the Merrits basement sunroom overlooking their pool in Hanover, but with more light and no pool. Frankas is drunk or in some kind of spell I can remember from before.

I get back to this place (vaguely) with the animal and notice it is mostly a kangaroo and its back is maybe broken and why is it walking this way as a kangaroo? I think maybe its not the same animal as before (in the dream) but the same pale beige yellow color. tiger horse kangaroo. I can see the animal as I first saw it in the field and then again when it changes to mostly kangaroo.

frankas has an apartment somewhere in like medford but close to watertown and he takes me there from emf

there is no one there but it looks old and lived in and carpeted and musty like an apartment in long island

i move in and at first i have my own room and both my cats are there my room is small and has a twin bed

we start sleeping in one room together and i don't leave the apartment far enough to figure out where we really are and we only go there by car at night it seems

at one point we are at the nearest t station and i am asking people what it is called and they don't know but one woman says it is mount pleasant

back at the apartment i notice there is someone in a room or i go to go in the other bathroom (there is one bathroom in total disrepair where the litter box is kept)

out of the room comes this giant guy that looks like a big tuna and has a whitish face and lips like he's been submerged in water for a long time

i am shocked and alert franks and franks sees the guy who kind of stumbles around and leaves and he just kinda shrugs

i keep wondering if the cats are there and still alive and i go into another room and see he sleeping underneath a bed and there is another bed in the room too which my mother is sleeping in

i guess my mom has moved in with us and it is awkward when we wake her up by being in the room, me first i guess because i look and see the cats and then  i am watching tv on the bed and then frankas comes and finds me

it turns out franks has at least two room mates he hasn't told me about, one is his sister and the other is this girl danielle i think she's called and she starts yelling and talking a lot like maybe there is something wrong with her and maybe she is yelling at another girl in another room

there are only two boxes of cereal for food and i eat some of the cereal and wonder if franks sister is mad at me but it seems like she's not, she seems nice and more level headed than the other girl and maybe like she wanted me to eat the cereal

i don't really talk to them directly though and I'm wondering where frankas is

at one point i go in thhe twin bed room and the bed is all torn up and there is shit on the bed and i don't know what going on

when i go back into the room the next time there is no bed and its more like a rec room or little sewing room and i discover three more rooms after it going down the hall behind it

seems that vince lives nearby with his shop in some alternate universe watertown

in an auditorium inside a hotel-like building to do a show, auditorium looks vaguely like the cofc arts building auditorium or that one in boston, the colonial i think it is...

i ajm going to perform and go down the side stairs in the dark right after before or during eminem performing, he has just rigged up some microphones and lights and stuff and when i walk down thye stairs some of the lights go off, i am wearing heels and he looks at me like am i crazy but i dont care cuz i think its funny and ive got his number somehow

he is being rude to me but in a flirty way or at least i am enjoying it i tell him i live in the auditorium and he says thats a lie, i am nervous to perform i guess

travis is on stage with a few other people and im not sure if we are going up next but then a short kind of chuby girl who is really nice asks if nwe are playing and i say oh ok ill go up

when i go up on stage i transform into a chubby asian woman with glasses for a moment, i am watching 'myself' and attempt to sing 'think of me' from  the phantom of the opera and i am trying to sing correctly and nodding my head to breath and not breathing enough

First I go to Todd Larsons house he has some kind of large apartment or available housing or something

Then I have a new rabbit kind of like coke and the rabbit is outside at night at my parents house and Todd is coming over in the middle of the night and maybe it's about the rabbit? The rabbit is hopping in and out of the street through the bushes and there are no trees there in the front yard separating the yard from the street

There are cars in the street and I am hoping the rabbit is learning and is smart

Todd pulls in and stops at the top of the driveway and I know he is there but then forget and my mother is out in the driveway then to meet Todd I guess

Me and frankas are about to ice skate, maybe in my parents basement, I realize I'm wearing two different skates, one white figure skate one hockey and go to find the other white skate, I find it, my skate may have also been on the wrong foot

Some kind of weird dessert drink in a cup you can make out of jello pudding that expands and then rapidly starts retracting as it cools like plastic

It is Arbor Day... On some kind of long vacation with my mom and relatives and she doesn't want to buy me food, we are in a car ordering food...she ends up getting angry at me...

Marc Maron is sending me sheets of paper like a fax but it seems like we are sitting in the same room together, the sheets are self portraits of Marc Maron all roughly the same

*watching bill hicks standup special and he says "snickers"! And frankezoid remembers he had a snickers in his dream he was buying all sorts of food at the store but he stole the snickers

had a weird double chin i could not change. decided it was from drinking and will no longer drink.

Sara silk is there at some kind of building / outdoor event we are preparing a show almost a live show kind of like SNL and our parents will be there almost like we are going to go live on air, I am telling her we can dothis one thing I have prepared, feels like I have this whole set prepared, not sure if it's a comedic skit or music, seems like I have a whole musical set prepared but I am looking at her like we are going to do it together and like I have it all in my head and we are about to have to go, there is some kind of time pressure following when we start like it's going to be broadcasted, I had this brilliant idea and feeling like we could do it in sync and we would know how to do it, but as we're about to begin I am starting to doubt myself and thinking I can't remember or maybe I will forget the whole set, the whole plan, there are lots of people around like its a live performance as well. She is wearing glasses I think and we are kind of just looking attach other anxiously but reassuring at the same time about to go forward with this thing and I'm not sure I remember my idea

Very familiar sympathetic and trusting relationship to Sara silk in all these dreams

something with the kardashians, kim kardashian is there and maybe like I am in her family or just observing or am I kim kardashian? a lot of lounging?

(real life- my mom comes in the room and says it is 11:00) i am

asleep in norwell dreaming that my mom has not woken me up and is letting me sleep late

too late and i wake up and i am going to miss asian lady therapy

and there is no way i can make it there

and i am so angry and crying and yelling and all

at my mom

(real life- my mom comes in and says it is 11:30)
( i woke up at 12:00 and made it to asian lady therapy exactly on time)

I I am in prison with my brother or Travis and for some reason I've got all this stuff and I keep getting all the stuff together to go when they

let us out and feeling like i am going to miss when they let us out

and i have all this stuff like all these clothes and knick knacks and not sure why i have all this stuff

when i know i am in prison and not sure how i got here but like i just got put in and theres been almost a mistake and they must be letting me out

the prison cell is more like a dorm room or elderly rehab or nursing home center room

and i am sharing it with my brother or travis
and then this elderly black lady comes in and she is sharing it too

and we are not quite getting along maybe

i am trying to make sure i dont miss whern they let me out and maybe will miss it if im in the cafeteria

feel like im always missing breakfast but making it to lunch and fearing i will miss when they let me out

while i am in the cafeteria at lunch

and worried about being in prison i guess

aND THEN somehow i realize that i will be getting paid for all this time ive spent in prison it is

almost like a paid vacation or closer to unemployment because somehow i realize

i will get money for the time, weeks, ive spent here

and i start to feel not so bad about it


but i dont remember getting let out

going for a drink with my mom at some bar and then my little cousin brandon shows up and its like we are bonding or i am kind of taking care of him i feel his weight like i am holding him on my hip or holding him up or we are connected somehow,  i can see him showing up, like he's showing up in the yard

maybe we are at a family event now

Ran into Sara silks mother in a bar somewhere or was looking for her for something I think maybe I was with Sara and we were looking for her-

Going through bags of empty 35 cents utz chips bags and one (sour cream) is unopened

Hotdog! (Wonder if this must be true somewhere in "real life")

4/27/15 dream recovery

Dave tree is outside the party at emf which is going on but it's not the emf building and more like sparell school with another guy who looks familiar in the dream but I don't know in real life he is drunk and I am semi surprised cuz he seems so businesslike in theft e, Dave tree seems fine not drunk. Just before then john hopper went into the building or I thought it was john by how he looked and realized it was Madison, I had just been at market basket and left my iPad on a park bench outside but got it, I brought some girl with me when I left the party to go around Boston and was telling her how I knew everybody in Boston I felt like and wished I could meet some new people, I was carrying her around with me more like a disembodied electronic thing than a person, paigecame to town but was trying to get into Adams tavern and I heard the conversation somehow, my brother was there and came in to show me his art up on the wall some black thing which was right where I put ,y art too below it, but I'm notable if I gotta tell him, there was some big fat guy With a backwards baseball hat who I was supposed to be in love with somehow or something's and everyone else was bothering me about rp

June 21st dream recovery

Younger version of Glenda (pre-ms) in a ballet outfit is talking to me walking me around a party, she is wearing a tutu has long hair and is very articulate, she tells me she's not sure how she feels about me because of the mathematics of the situation and I perceive she is talking about me and my relationship with John Cremona, frankezoid is there too at this party 

But it seems like we are all together

Two cats this shopkeeper has and this mall we're in...Devon and maybe we are trying to find willows house in Janet jarvas car, my dad is saying it's not the right way but I start to recognize a stream with bushes and know we're going the right way but the right way dissolves

Some abstract film in a theater at the mall Tyrone has made about "the only thing worse than that last drummer..." Like a status that's been written on Facebook but I'm seeing it in the theater at the mall and I think it's going to be video of us performing but it's these multiracial people getting naked under a waterfall

That turns into a river where people are getting pulled together from the tide and there are all different people on the river and it kinda seems like they're all wanting to have sex

There are two little black boys before that and I guess they bring in the cats first and they are both wearing belly shirts and look like girls but I think they are boys and we are taking care of them, maybe my mom is taking care of them

There is something like a pet store and this one black dog starts to get real aggressive, maybe it was one of the cats and it turned into a dog? Maybe it is still a cat it is very hard to handle

We are looking for costumes to look like Cher and maybe Paris Hilton trying to explain why it's important to my dad, this is with the lack children, I'm trying to express that I only need a wig and not the whole costume

something like i am in a car in the past with frankezoid and karen...

watching freeways tape, video, stuff

some kind of animation where a ghost appears and a balloon and then it says the freeways

only in the dream maybe it doesn't say the freeways

maybe it says something else

i am checking into a hotel room which is under the name of some man who for some reason i believe will not be checking into this hotel room (and at the same time somehow i know the room is under his name) and i am able to check in under it. i am in the hotel room and a hotel boy shows up with the guy whose room it is and it is someone i don't know but it is definitely his room.

i don't know how i knew i could check in to the room but i did and was able to

am i learning some kind of form of identity theft in the dream world?

overcoming structures of identity and permission?

was it funny to them? in the dream? when they found me?


awoke from this dream long enough to realize it had been a dream and feel back asleep , very tired, woke up at 12

Weighing something to mail it

go to this bar somewhere in connecticut

with the frankazoid

will is there he is surprised /naturalized to see me   he is the only person

i seem to know there         playing some kind of instrumental set

he comes here from new york to play sometimes he says

maybe we are also  supposed to play? but i don't think we are

weird sexual occurrences

will says he used to think something on the guitar that franks thinks was the way to go

i am going somewhere foreign to sleep

they are both trying to lick me or something at the same time     i think


i have come here with frankas  and will is making moves

and frankas is getting upset

and i am not sure how i feel


perhaps  #overhwelmed 

Frankas threw out the little white vcr tv and my first dream last night seemed to recover/re propriet it- living in some little room up high in a brownstone with Josephine, or is she living there? And we are going to get her, seems like I am living there in a little room with the tv and maybe another girl and not much else.

Landed in some other city world maybe New York City and it is familiar to me but I am on the street I have a bag that I've had before and it has some kind of musical instrument or I also have a bike, I realize I've taken then from somewhere where they were locked with the intent to return them locked up again after I'm done and the I remember they are things that don't exist that I only take in dreams so I don't really have to return them....

I am riding a bike (which maybe I got the same way) and I ride it right up a fire escape and all the way to the door which is locked and gated at the top only I can open it and off the other side it looks like just a free fall drop and I start to think how did I get up those stairs so easily with this bike? Why am I not afraid of falling (and maybe this is where I start to wake up) and I notice there. Is a skinny little pole you can maybe climb or slide down off the fire escape but I don't know if I should throw the bike off the top or go down with it again or I've done so much with the bike already that I realize I'm dreaming and I can really do anything I want, but I don't exactly....maybe next time I should attempt to fly the bike

I think the bag I had which was originally locked on the street looked like or was john cremonas bag he had at the cafe which we brought back to his studio (in waking life)

Fiona apple's extraordinary machine running through my head repeatedly before I am awake

There is some comedy kind of poker night I am a part of and some moley looking guy and also nick from rps act and josh Davis and his girlfriend are there, it is like a vfw hall somewhere. Rp is there at some point kind of fight/playing with nick and I feel like I realize how dark their relationship is

Something has happened to curt Jarva one week ago and he confesses to me he hasn't slept with my mother in a week? He doesn't say this exactly he says something more like ' he's been letting down the family'.... But I know what he means by this somehow, I think I am relating it to me and frankas and the idea of our sexual togetherness, I feel I am aware of this in the dream but not positive

I am sitting at the head of the table on the bear to the camera side of things and the opposite head of the table across from me

We are playing some kind of game or doing some kind of improv performance, Rachel haven josh Davis's girlfriend has some kind of interaction with one of the comedians which I interpret as a misunderstanding 

We are outside in the parking lot and she is saying how she knows she was right about that guy and what she did and everything, how she acted, she didn't let him get away with something...

I am saying we all need to hang out again, but not sure if I wanted to be there in the first place and where I'm going, why I came and what my role is... I am not sure

The parking lot is dark and wet and it feels like summer like I am thin and have shorts on and a shirt over my head,

Reminiscent of one night in charleston where we walked around in the rain and drew on our legs and I had long dark hair with Alex Johnson 

At somebody's wedding in a main room in a building inside a trailer park where all these people I know are living- Jonathan is there and Monica is living in a room off the main room of the function hall. I am living somewhere in the area too it seems. Monica has a roommate but she is not there. Who is getting married? We are smoking pot in Monica's room. I see Sarah and Kathleen Kramer talking to someone by a bar, I leave before the wedding happens and end up at this house in the woods, I realize I'm in charleston almost kind of, they are having a computer technology meeting/ seminar I this building I go into which I think is a grocery store and is a grocery store and I see a guy goi g over to a big square boxed area of fruit and bringing the fruit over to thefreesample table area which is set up withweirdsushi which I take and try to eat but isn't very good, then there are sandwiches and all kinds of things but I not sure I'm supposed to be there a woman in charge of the seminar comes over to me and rubs my back, then they take us all outside and i escape through the back fence

(I remember I am missing the wedding)

Frankaz saying we are going somewhere, rock port? Redford? Something with a ford or a rock or a bed in it...we are in his room and I dream he says we are leaving and maybe we are going for two days

5/3 frankas writes my dreams for me while I do not have mipad