several days ago

                                                                                I
i am in a car with ellen degenerous driving around and i am kind of being a ham with her and am at some point reflective of the fact i am so comfortable with her and cracking her up also... it seems odd but feels very comfortable... we are driving and we go by a house with a driveway and there are these huge mop haired monster people ogre things (like the monsters in where the wild things are except huge) walking up the driveway and we just kind of laugh at it and it not scary but its v weird obviously not people in costumes... she takes me to some kind of studio... and i can tell ellen likes hanging out with me i guess because i dont treat her like a celebrity and goof around... but there is food everywhere like little crumpets and i really want to eat all the food and im going to ask but then i realize of course all this food is laid out for ellen and free and i can eat it but then im too embarassed to ask about the food and too scared to eat it so i cant eat the food even though i want to ...

and i kind of get hung up on this

                                                                           II

go into nick z and jessicas house, its the top floor on a stand alone little grey house with long narrow hallways i go up wood stairs in the back and come in off a small porch and its dark but like its not night and kind of warm and seems like no one is there but then i see nick and jessica both come in and they are nice and i wonder why im in there house 

some online person named furby or something someone i dont know puts 830 dollars in my venmo account

IM in highschool and i've missed some kind of english class for like over a year and just remembered i have it and it switches around... laura garvey is on her way to the class and says its ok its a substitute and it has been for a while and i should come..

so i go to the class and the teacher is susan the receptionist from  riverside community care in cambridge and she is the original teacher not a substitute and when she sees me come in she says thank you for finally being here

you left me for weeks with no north pole and the south pole of chris canfield has been attacking the syllabus...( something to this affect something about poles) and i am remebering more about the situation as she says this

and chris canfield walks in down a long ramp with a descending wall on the side of it that faces the rest of the class room (and this is the entrance) and chris sees me and pushes into me as he goes by and he looks good

and i remember somehow for some reason in the classes i was gone chris started bringing something up and was saying the word nigger loudly in his argument and when he comes in he says something to susan

and we both leave the class

but in between somehow i see him with his girlfriend who is a chubby short blonde chick i havent seen before, and she is talking low to him and kissing the side of his face and he looks like its his mother doing it

we meet again in some kind of long closet eves place which i guess is my shared kind of attic studio with some other people and chris comes in after me and i try to jump him basically and he says he has a girlfriend and i know it but hes not in to her and we end up having sex kind of or are going to but he has a really small penis (i dont think its that small irl but idk!)

as we are getting clothed shuggy and maria martin walk in and they are kind of in an  argument but this is when i remember i'm in our shared studio space... its something shuggy did

we leave as they come in 

DAY BEFORE TODAY

JIM GAFFIGAN IS A BIG FAN /PARTICIPATING IN UNBLEACHD THRU THE DISCORD /EVERYWHERE AND I JUST REALIZED IT WAS JIM GAFFIGAN I THINK SOME KIND OF FAMOUS ISH COMEDIAN MAYBE THAT OTHER GUY THO AND I THOT IT WAS SOME KID AND THEN TURNS OUT TO BE HIM

*MICHAEL RAPPAPORE RAPPATORE WHATS HIS NAMEE

go over to matt stearns house for some kind of family party , his mom comes in, she looks young, has a lot of glossy straight long brown hair, 80s cut, sunglasses pushed over bangs

in matts room i guess and our legs end up touching , we are kinda nervous around each other, performative but then at times end up close together when im not paying attention

we make juices in little tupperware containers

someone named ed we know from emf, stoic guy with glasses, asks jarva land to play a show so we go out to this barn like a big indoor riding arena and i feel like ive been there before and salty greyhound are there and theyve been there before like maybe its in littleton

at the barn show something happens like ive gotten drunk but im having trouble stan ding and walking like my feet are just falling apart, bending at the ankle and stopping working

im wearing platform heels and take them off but my feet still stop working, bending at the ankles

at some point me and matt start making out and almost have sex but dont (because i remember

i am looking around the barn for my tupperware juices and getting my stuff together, i guess everyone there knows me

END up in a pow wow circle with some girl with glasses and my mom and others- girl in glasses is talking about comics and asking me if i ever made any and i show her some drawings/ comics i have and she says ya but they're not consecutive, she says have you ever finished any story line arc ?

and for some reason i get really pissed kind of start talking loud, kind of going off on this girl and trying to think what other comics i've done and then i remember the trash can and fire hydrant comics i did in watertown and i bring that up but i dont have them on me.. and she says something, like she doesnt get that its a comic about a trash can and a fire hydrant on the sidewalk and they never move and the comic always takes place in the same spot

its an existential comic and she doesn't get it or something and i kind of go off on her and i dont recognize her or know who she is

spending time with beth nelson and having a great time, only tinges of some kind of sadness, that make us remember /talk about when she was depressed or wasn't herself when we weren't talking or hanging out, but she is bubbly and excited and fully herself and it seems like a long time ago that we ever weren't friends, we are walking around on a path almost like we're walking through a forest but could be more like we were walking through boston at night and there was no one around.


****two nights ago***
long time with sara silk being v cool to me but we are hanging out, big emptyish marble buildings, something with hamsters seemingly being dead and looking like the stretch armstrong banana all stretched out and then kind of snapping back together and coming back to life

matt stearns talking to me through a line... asking me to go to the beach,,, to go to copley square and go to the beach there (somehow) and then im saying no and yelling at him and hes saying we could just walk on the beach somewhere else where its raining and i am saying no and yelling but coriander is there somehow and we are listening to it like its on a radio show...

its thanksgiving and brandon and christopher and wendy are there and all the animals (edna chloe lightly gilbie) and i guess i make a cage for gilbie outside in the old rabbit cages and then days pass and it rains, some time goes by and we dont know where gilbie is and i go outside and the rabbit cage cage i made for him is filled with mud and all wet and there are people out there i dont know doing something else too and gilbie is all wet with mud in the corner of the enclosure

and i pull him out and have a dread hes going to be dead but his eyes are big and blue and hes still alive and hes ok and i bring him inside and he dries off right away and starts running around and i notice him and the cats are the same size (more hamster size than cat size) and chloe is running after them and they are all playing in erik's room

nightmare

after cuneos party at western avenue studios ---

nightmare that i live in the attic at my parents house and am feeling bored

waking up with an existential crisis that i could possibly be bored

go to a museum with aunt kathy jenny kashuck lindsay bohan -- we are going in the morning only its afternoon but i am tired and want coffee really badly but we have to go to the empty museum---

aunt kathy has something / shows me something -- made of wood ?

and there is no coffee and its late enough that we go to some social in some restauranty type part of the museum and have drinks

run into jacki maynard and know that she just had a child recently and start walking down the stairs with her and am saying how amazing it was she got pregnant and had this baby and looks great

and she says 'i was really hoping you were going to have a babay and i waited 6 years for you to have it' and she says it like we all had six years to have a baby and the time is over ---

and it really strikes me and i turn to her and say 'im going to have a baby'

(and i wake up and am somehow relieved to remember that jacki maynard doesnt even have a baby and my 6 years arent up)


*a few nights ago john cremona showed up and i was so happy to see him but i dont remember where and what happened*