i am following peacock around. we are getting ready for a show or something. people my age try to talk to me and i'm embarassed. i don't want them to say hi to me but they come over. but peacock isn't awkward about it, he makes jokes sort of like will milner. we keep walking around and bumping into each other

april 20th)

we are talking about sex. i think we are trying to explain sex to maria. for some reason matt zaccari pulls out his dick and has me help him to bend it around in a circle while putting a condom on it. this is supposed to signify how gay sex is different than straight sex (?)

i dream i wake up and i've missed all my classes. i don't know what day it is. i try to ask all my friends what day it is and none of them will give me a clear answer. i'm afraid i've missed shakespeare class.

everyone knows about me and anson-ish. alex keeps telling me i should be with him or tell him how i feel.

i am at the college and the art department is getting ready for the susan b. anthony award. all the professors submit and students may also submit. i am freaking out inside because i think the due date is that night and i dont have anything and don't think i should really submit. the college is at UVA and cliff is in the rotunda. barbara has made a submission which has a blue matress quilt thing and then a lamp and a piece of paper, all the colors match, its an arrangement of objects and it looks genius. then i go to class with cliff and he hands everyone stuffed animals to make our projects with. he brings me over a bear and brushes the side of my face with his hand. when i leave and go out side john says the submissions arent due until thrusday so i think about maybe trying to make something. it is like a carnaval-ish in the street outside.

i see kennedy on the street outside bull street gourmet. she is wearing a yellow hat. she looks more like a real woman than i remember. we hug eachother. i am with anson and he makes the couch into a futon with a dark blue futon matress on top of it. a guy who i've seen before and looks drugged out and beat up sticks his head in the window and blows out smoke. anson shuts the door. later i go to an art class and the guy who really lives upstairs and is less scary comes to the class with a camera. he is a lot less scary than the other guy and i remember how i forgot that they used to be room mates but arent anymore. he takes some pictures of me and i think i leave.

i am on some wierd trip with jonathan. he is annoying me.

i go to billy arria's fathers father's wake which is at st helens which looks more like a dining hall. people grunt and make comments when the priest reads the eulogy. then i find uncle andy and he says the funnest thing he ever does is to crack eggs and let the yoke run between his fingers. i tel him i used to do that. then we have to cross a bridge in the woods which easily spills you into water. before that i am in some sort of basement with other girls and we have some sort of grouping or competition, maybe it is swim team. alma was there. there was a room of paintings we were allowed to buy for a bit cheaper if we wanted. i didnt buy one and neither did she. perhaps we were in paris. alma had tattoos on her face and they were really cute. apparently i had told her to get them. they were trees and little animals, part of the tattoo looked like whiskers. then i was with uncle andy and dropped a lot of my stuff in the water. we were also driving through southie at one point which was crazy hilly and full of bright colors. we try to cross the bridge and i try to get my belongings from the water. a group of kids crosses another bridge opposite us and epic music plays. then alma shows up and we go in the water and start swimming. we may be trying to impress someone or are supposed to be training for swimming things.