when i first fall asleep i am awake when i start to dream/ realize i'm dreaming. i feel a persons body sitting up in front of my body. in my dream i have a sketchbook and i keep drawing things in it over and over, i see peacock and also barbara and that starts informing all the drawing.

* also in this dream i see cliff's sketchbook and studio. in the sketchbook he has many little drawings with a small found object incorporated. one is some sort of mouse wearing clothes next to a matchbox and a button is glued on the page as part of a table maybe

jonathan and i are going on some sort of trip-- we have to keep convincing my parents what we are doing is necessary. it involves watching weird movies and wasting time.

first night home- mom comes in in morning/ scares shit out of me

i am talking to cliff. first i am at the studio which is more like a big warehouse. there is a girl there tryng topaint, she has a private lesson with cliff. i am getting supplies. cliff asks me if i want to go outside ( to smoke). i say yes but we dont end up smoking together. i go upstairs to my studio. i make a pink and white dog out of something like playdo. i melt a pink my little pony and pull it around. at first things look good but they start to look hideous andgrotesque. there is a painting of a womean hanging by her arms in a green dress. i notice my paintings have more depth. then cliff comes upstairs and i am too nervous to work then/ ashamed of the work. he is showing john how to stretch a canvas. he comes over and i start talking about how its going. i guess i say we. he says now who s always up here with you whispering, are you gonna say because it seems like there's aways someone up here with you. then he points at the dog and he says as long as you don't name it nina simone. it is a joke because a little black girl was once mauled by a rottweiler while crossing the street on a skateboard. i dont know why this makes sense but i get it. i laugh. there is a girl working on something to the right of us. cliff says- my sister used to give me so much shit, you know the saying kafka wasn't a very something, wel i said Capricorn wasn't a very occupied jew! he thinks this is hilarious. the girl to our right tries to make bad similar jokes. we ignore her.

before that it is the school day and john is at his parents house. i see his parents and his mom asks me all these questions, gets me a drink. she is clearly crazy or extremely out of it. i think she has had a lobotomy. i don't know what to do myself. i'm not even sure if i want to get high.

* there is another part of the dream where i am with carol ann. we are having class ut we travel around. there is a painting and it is timmy's, he's gone over it and put a bright white portrait on the right side. i bring this up to the class. maria keeps talking about how she loves the class but i think she is getting more and more pissed ff. she keeps talking to me when carol ann is speaking and it makes me nervous. then she and carol ann start going back and forth. carol ann tells her she can no longer use the term henceforth and also some other term.

later i talk about timmy's painting with cliff. i am excited about it. he says he thinks its workng. other than the pink dog he does not look at any of my work. he just asks if i'm into it if i need to be doing it.

maybe i make a pie and you make a stew

tiny little kittens are jumping on my hands and biting them.
there is a parachute or air balloon flapping in the wind.
matt and maria are asking if i think there is lice in the outhouse. the outhouse is the upstairs bathroom but it is an outhouse, goes all the way down. they say they are itchy, they have lice. i say, you mean fleas. & they say no, lice. i say you brought me into a house full of lice?
Peacock walks by outside the studio and i think my body language makes it hard for him to come talk. he comes over and says he has some appointment tomorrow and can't meet at 2. He doesn't know when he can meet, but he wants to. he seems inspired, like he needs to paint, he says he's got to focus which is why i know he needs to paint. he paints on sundays.
maria writes a poem about Peacock, how he says "I'd rather be a poet than a photographer". I try to say something but don't, I hear the poem like a strange music.

* when i can't sleep i imagine apocalyptic scenes and what kind of art would be the least destroyed. I think it is music, because the last instrument to remain is the voice and the most common knowledge in art is the melody and words to songs.

the night bfore the last post i dream i am in sort of my parents front yard/ driveway and there is a car that is trying to get 6 large palomino looking clydesdales and one dark blue clydesdale to follow the car, except they keep running back into the front yard. they are much larger than actual horses but i am not afraid of being trampled by them. i think i am sitting on a sofa. they keep doing loops and come galloping by the couch.

when i wake up i have been at gina's and thought she might be coming around the corner inside the barn but instead it was a larger woman who didn't speak english. my brother asks me what i am going to do with my life and i say i've been thinking i can do whatever i want and maybe i'll be a singer. he asks me if i've ever been to that record store in puerto rico. i am with paige and john and maybe we live in a house. i draw a dog old woman/ with a can of soda. the dog/woman is sort of exploding. i am at the actons house next door at some point, maybe this brings me to gina's. there are cows it is a different actons than the real one but feels dream-familiar.