first time sleeping over at americo's:

I am with Rico in the dream, only he looks like a scrawny b-boy ala andrew henrickson and is less mature, I believe. I think we have sex. We are in Mergellina in Naples by the boardwalk or somewhere that seems alot like that. We go to a party or something and his ex-girlfriends are everywhere and I start to feel a little insecure. Wherever we are, he knows everyone and I don't know anyone. We end up in his house, he has an apartment ala the au pair apartment attached to the back of that big old house on main street in Norwell. His family lives in the main house and he has a bunch of sisters. They all talk in front of me and are clearly suspicious of our relationship...I don't know if it is because of his last girlfriend or our age difference. His mom starts questioning me and I end up lying about having been confirmed and have to make up a lie about my confirmation party which somehow unravels my story and everyone knows I am lying. At some point his mom hands me a little black baby that looks like steve erkel. The baby is wearing suspenders.

When I wake up I see Rico and half-asleep kiss him and say "you're so much better in real-life".
After I fall back asleep I say "don't do it" out loud because Rico says "what?" and I realize I was talking. I don't know if I said anything else.

I am on a trip with my family on a cruise boat. THere is some kind of big party going on or about to happen. I am looking for Will and I can see him standing outside, (I'm not sure how there is an outside if we are on a cruise ship...we might actually be in a hotel in new york). MY DAD MAKES ME COME OVER TO A TABLE WHERE he starts talking about this guy or this guy he introduces me to starts talking about something and I have to be polite and listen but all I CAN THINK OF IS RUNNING OUTSIDE to see Will...he wasn't supposed to come I think and maybe does not know that I AM there. I WANT TO RUN OUTSIDE AND TALK TO him and am getting very frustrated that I HAVE TO listen to whatever bullshit is going on.

I go with Paul Fletcher to Kelsey Chapman's house for some kind of party. Kimbo is there. It is her parents mansion or something. I am broke, which I think is part of the incentive to go. I am trying to get high and hope she can hook me up with some pot or a pot dealer. I do end up getting high with her and smoke almost the whole joint by accident but luckily only her and i are smoking. So me and paul are at her house and she is in a dark room with other people, i think boys from charleston. I am hanging out and at some point I notice paul is gone and I go looking for him and he is in a bedroom asleep, he says he forgot that drinking a tall boy puts him to sleep. there is a pbr tall boy in the bed with him. i say a nap is a good idea and get into bed with him and i guess we nap. then kelsey's mom is there and we have to go out into the kitchen and there is all this food and stuff. kelsey's mom is talking about stuff and then kelsey starts talking about how she went to afganistan and how when she first went it was a big deal because the airport was an obvious target for bombing if they could get close to it. she said something about how the women are starving there, or she started to say it and then sort of stopped like it was a secret. her mom talked about how hard it was for her to live in the afghani villa or whatever with no tv and cell phone and only sometimes an internet connection, she was saying how she would be outside on a chaize lounge all day, just typing on her computer...i'm not sure why kelsey had gone to afghanistan but it seemed like something about interviews and stuff. at one point i got really hungry and went into the kitchen to eat the corn on the cob and the corn cobs all had huge floppy kernels on them and each was in a little wire mesh cage sortof but all of them were half-wholly eaten but i still tried to eat a half eaten one. afterwards i realized it was drenched in butter (vegan uh-oh). kelsey's mom was in the kitchen and all the food was these strange vegetables like the corn so i asked her if she had a garden or they grew their vegetables. she said they got them at some kind of market. the whole vibe i got at the house was that they were sort of faux-genuine people, mostly rich, but i didnt really mind. then we went on a car ride, i'm not sure where to. I saw a stone fox outside the window and went "oh, a fox!" and kelsey and her mom were like hahaha thats not a fox, and i was a little embarassed because i realized i knew where we were and had passed the stone fox many times before. after we passed the fox there was an open field of deer and maybe cows. i knew where we were and it seemed like marshfield or something, somewhere in new england. i feel like we were going to their house. we smoked another joint in the car.

march 12th 2011

when i am at paul's new apartment in allston i dream that i find these green circular growths on my skin, like plants growing up from the inside. I hope these dreams are a good metaphor. i think they are on my arm(s).

I am asked to babysit for fat baby ryan, who looks about the same except his face is rounder and maybe he has a beard. i am in some kind of norwell region ghost land. I leave wherever I am to go babysit fat baby ryan. I get there and hug kathy and tell her how i miss her. the house is totally different, the kitchen is in the middle and the rest of the house is vey open and everything else just sort of stretches out around the center kitchen. dan comes in and is very nice to me but i feel almost as if hes flirting with me. he tries to kiss kathy at one point and she turns her head, saying shutdown, like she is trying to regain control in their relationship or they are playing games. they are going out to dinner. i notice that they both seem rounder in a way and wonder if they are "fat skinny people" and how that happens. i ask if i should make ryan something particular for dinner and they say i can just make whatever as if i will obviously concoct him some kind of tofu sandwich...i don't remember the rest of the night babysitting and after i leave i feel like i got drunk at the house and i hope i didnt do anything bad or leave anything out, i completely black it out but while still in the dream

When Nane wakes me up in the middle of the night/ early morning I am having a wierd dream where there are two guys trying to sleep with me or being creppy and I'm in a dark apartment with one of them and am scared that the other one is going to come and think that one of them has a girlfriend or something? Dark and weird so I'm glad I have to get up

In the morning/ mid-afternoon I am dreaming I am with Emiliano in New York and I can see Emiliano very clearly and he looks just like Emiliano. We are in the apartment catching up and then we go outside and its a beautiful sunny day. Then his mom comes onto the street and I want her to like me because I know she doesn't like me , (she does not look anything like Emiliano's real-life Mom) but she starts playing a game with Emiliano , she turns into an Albert Einstein look-a-like but I know that it is a costume and that hert and Emiliano are playing a game. He creeps up behind her and then they both creep in unison like michael jackson thriller saying funny things across the street. I know that Emiliano's Mom is going to judge me on my reaction and I want to show my support but am too afraid to join in outright. So I get down on the ground and start wriggling across the street like I have no limbs. Then there is a cat also that starts doing the same thing towards me, wriggling on the pavement. And then Emiliano and his Mom creep towards me and we all come together and they call me a baby and stuff but its funny like an improv skit. Then Emiliano and his Mom start having a semi-real conversation I think and we eat oranges and bananas which are really good. I'm still not sure if his mom likes me.

I am running away or something with anson. At first we are in a room like in the back of a train. We are in charleston? Then it is like we are all going on a trip, maybe to Italy? We end up going to this zoo/pet store/ aquarium in what feels like Florida. I feel like this was not part of the plan. We were on a boat before? It reminds me of another dream where we were at a park. I get separated from anson but not at first. There are rows and rows of hamsters. Sometimes the animals seem animatronic and other times they seem real. I go to see the dogs bc I think I need to rescue an animal but there are too many and were not even supposed to be here. In the dog section it seems like some of the dogs are dead and some are lying on the ground. I realize I've lost everyone and wonder if there is anywhere around here to get a drink. I see a bunch of people playing with penguins outside but I don't know how to get out. Then I am sitting on a bench in frog of what I think is a pool with a walrus in it. Then Lindsay, Monica, and Miley Cyrus come by and find me. I think anson is with them too. Then I realize we are very close to the pit and a white wolf sticks his head out and starts barking. I feel like I can't help being very close to the barriers.

i have a dream inside my dream or something of will wearing a ridiculous outfit. i am at a party with andrea mcgrath and we areupstairs in what looks like my brothers room but is supposed to be nathan morena's room, it is the three of us and some other kid with an afro? i think. me and andrea are sitting on the bed, there are more people downstairs. nathan morena and his friend are doing drugs. i just want to smoke pot but it seems like no one is going to smoke pot. i have my vyvanse prescription and only two pills left and im not trying to take them but somehow the last one gets wet and splits apart (maybe this is because of guilt over nanny having too many pills at once?) so i have to rol it up with rolling papers. i dont want them to see because they are doing so many drugs. i get a little bit fucked up but not as much as nathan and his friend who are makin g me very uncomfortable. andrea mcgrath just keeps laughing. finally i get downstairs and see a girl next to the counter who looks like beth except her eyes are like red exes but then she says my name and it really is beth. i am very relieved. shortly after that lindsay comes in and the three of us are going to go outside and smoke pot but THEN from the other corner of the kitchen wall walks over and he is wearing the outfit i dreamed of him wearing which is ridiculous, sortof like a bee costume with a striped shirt and bowtie and short shorts and then really big elfish banana yellow shoes. i go with him into a garage area where there is a line of desks and computers or something like that? hes either trying to show me something or we are trying to get it on. afterwards we leave and go somewhere else or its been a really long time and i feel bad for not returning to beth and lindsay.


i also dream at some point there is some cauliflower like root growing out of my stomach. i pinch part of it off.

First I am living in a strange place like a hotel from a video game or the house of the aunts in James and the giant peach, I am living with nanny but there are other people around and she is dying. It seems like we wheel her in a shopping cart to the "hospital" which seems more like A library or laboratory or storeroom. On some of the aisles instead of shelves there are long couches. We need to convince the people at the hospital to let her live or that she is not dead. She keeps falling asleep everywhere and sometimes we think she's dead. Erin And lesly and Erik are there too. Erik is not helpful at all and is only annoying, really. At one point I see Erin and Lesley pushing the shopping cart down an aisle. At another point I see a chart with the order of something on it, Andy is at the top, then carol then me then Erin then Lesley then Erik. It has to be symbolic of something. The names were written down in different colors. Then I leave this place on a mission to save nanny although once i leav I can't quite remember how I was going to get help. I find myself walling behind a woman who looks exactly like Carla from modern family and she is singing a karaoke song. Her husband boyfriend reminds me of someone, sort of like hamdee, actually maybe it is the owners of the villa in spoleto...as she comes to the end of he song she runs into an event and finishes off (although I recall hearing her sing a fancier ending before...this is something I have seen many times or happens often) everyone applauds and I walk in behind her, as does her bf, who comes up behind us and hugs us both and she gives me a look like we are old friends. I go to get a glass of wine and someone turns from a group of people and looks at me. At first I don't recognize him. "you don't even remember what your exboyfriend looks like?" he says and I am shocked. It is will graefe. He grabs me by the shoulders as he says this and I can't even feel. I try to explain that I am trying to save my nanny but As I go to do it I realize at this moment I am really just at a party. I wake up at this point/ I make myself go back to sleep

In round 2 I am trying to fix things with will. I get a phone call from Ryan Hines ( who might be with mike Odonnel?) who asks if me and will want to go to his house and smoke pot. I might have been on the phone with will but not quite with him yet- I pick him up in my car and I am wearing my pink ref coach bball shirt and sport shorts. For some reason I don't realize this at first and when I glance in the mirror I am mortified by how bad I look. Will is in a much gentler form now, but is also hazier and less expressive than the previous will. I am drivin my fathers call and it's like I can barely control it. I am going superfast no matter what and my feet are twisted over each other. I have one on eachmped and I keep having to twist the car around. I keep almost killing us an try to play it off. It's like I can't stop the car and readjust my feet. We are ddiving through woodsy areas. Then I drive Into water and it appears this is some kind of gas station so we get out. We have to stand on a log in he water while they/in order to do something to the car. We are standing on the log and we both fall into the water. We have to grasp and hold on to each other in order to get ourselves back up and onto the log. There is something reassuring about it. Afterwards I drive him home and then I realize we never got to Ryan Hines house which was the whole point.

Andy comes in theroom and looks at Nane and says she looks out of it. I am in a classic murder/kidnap situation dream. I am with someone else and we are in the woods with the man who is trying to kill us. We need to walk over a log behind him and kick a gun into the stream. I know what we have to do because I have had this dream before or because I have learned it from a movie, or at least this is the feeling I get whilst in the dream. I am not afraid but feel very focused and I believe everything goes according to plan. I feel like the person with me is something like a little brother. Either this night or the other night kelsey chapman was in my dream but I can't really remember why or what we were doing.