october 27th

i am on some wierd famkily vacation, i send a lot of time in the backseat of a minivan, at one oint we ass a decreit farm where it is clear from the dogs thaqt eugune and gail are staying, although we dont see them frankie (the dog) is there and i et him from the window my father talks about how susan lives on our street and on her art of the street there is crack and someone came and bought crack from her, at one -oint i go to a restaurant which is sortof like blockbuster (i am back home sort of with my arents) i go outside onto the terrace and jum into a sea of icy water by some kind of glacier, i am watching a movie sort of like the grizzly man, i remember how my dad tells me he is watching a movie once and the movie makes it seem like this huge log breaks and rolls out but really someone had come in and already but the broken off art of the log there, so when it ha--ened, he noticed and knew they were trying to kill him he jumed out of the way matthew bowers works at the restaurant and comes and gets me from the water and says why are you out here so late

october 26th

Kennedy shows me a huge cartoonish, bright white creature tattoo she has gotten on the front and back of her left leg for leonard (although the tattoo might say will) then she tells me shes gotten a few -rocedures she shows me where shes gotten leg lastic surgery, butt imlants, breast im-lants, all sorts of things i am very upset and sad

october 24th 2009

I think I am living with Sarah Lyle and my parents. I try to sleep with Barack Obama but I soon realize he will not sleep with me even if he wanted to because it could mess stuff up for him. I regret him having become president, somehow I have played a hand in his election. Then Sarah has some boyfriend and I want her to go to the grocery store so I can tell him I love him, I am pretty sure we love each other. However somehow I end up going to the grocery store with Sarah which is in boston in the prudential center. It is the middle of winter and very cold. When I get there I forget if we have driven or not. I really don't want to take the T home.

october 21st 2009

Alex and I are with Louise, her house mom from Paris. I am hungry and Alex has candy but its not vegan and I can't eat it. Lauren Strazzula comes over, before her Jacki Maynard and Megan Kelly come over, there is some song someone has given me to sing but I have to turn the song on and then sing to it. Everyone thinks this is really funnyi Lauren Strazzula comes over and starts talking about starting a lacrosee team...I reserve to begin playing lacrosse agaian and also to quit smoking.I walk outside and Louise has just come home. She throws tons of black and orange marshmallows into the yard- She looks like Margaret Cho.

october 23rd 2009

We wished there was a movie theater in Charleston that was open all night. I was running down the stairs as the elevator door closed on my friends. I was wearing my pink sneakers which I told alex were hers because shed worn them once for a week. After that she told me she didn’t like how I wore them and that I was ruining them. I had to remind her that they were really my sneakers and it was just a joke that they were hers. Kennedy comes to a house where me and Chelsea and will and john and paige are living. We drink a lot of wine and I find out I did all sorts of things I hadn’t known id done the next day. We go to a thrift store and kennedy is stealing a dress with the hanger too. Some woman comes up behind her and takes the dress out of her bag. She is a large black woman with a pink vinyl wallet. Kennedy says her name, she knows who she is. The woman says we don’t have to steal and buys the dress. After this is when I start to think Charleston is too small and go by the movie theater, which exists but is closed,and charleston feels a lot like paris but is too small

october 16th 2009: edit

i have sex with carol ann, it is the secret step within the poetry program which no one knows about. i think about the fact that carol ann is the one teacher who has sex with students and gets away with it. it is more of a joining of conciousness, i feel good about it.

october 15th 2009 (night before arents come)

first we are going on some wierd sort of m0ountain danger adventure where you ick the levels on a train, it i me someone else and matt and i am scared and have never been wherever it is we are going before, then there is this house in the middle of nowhere, will is there and i introduce him to my friends, i think i show him something i have been doing, he want sot become an artistn and is working on transarency, he talks about what he waqnts to do but cant figure out and says i dont want you to hel me, then we are in some kind of desert on some animal tye tri, there is a monkey and then we are in the desert with a -ack of gorillas and the tour guide says how the gorilla once blew u a lot of the worlds natural resources by hugging a cannon, some of the same cannon (they are urigth) are around the desert and further into the tour eole start hitting them casually, as if laying gorilla russian roulette, then either erin fitzgibbons or rachel from alexs rogram in -aris goes u and hugs the gorilla after the tour guide is talking about their odd body language and how you have to be careful, the gorilla hugs her back though and lets go then i am at an after school rogram at the town halll and michelle granara is therre, john also works there, and at the end will and brandon walk by in swim trunks i am cleaning u and utting joints and crayons next to each other in a box michelles granara lays on the couch,eole are imressed i have the time to volunteeer here in the room me and michelles are in in the last moment there is a large ainting of a cartoon alligator

october 14th 2009

a very vivid dream, i am at bonnaroo if bonnaroo was the worlds fair, all my friends are there and the sanish stes (from italy) lead to the stage, max is drunk and we are running around trying to find eole, i am in a building at some oint and then weezer is laying and everyone tells me i am missing it-- i go out to the sanish stes to see them lay and i realize i am wearing a hoodie sweatshirt that says weezer on it, like the green self titled album, i see luke there and he uts his arm around me and says remember how that is my sweatshirt, and then i do remember and art of me realizes i love him and he is a really great guy, everyone is dancing around and having fun and it is a generally hay dream, also dave matthews band is laying before weezer and max is really really into it which surises me although the dream dave mathews doesnt sound anything like the real dave matthews and has male back u dancers wearing white suits and doing some kind of twirling cane line dance

october 12th (night of andrew bird and the eic lesbian come-on --sophia)

i am at a school in paris and im pretty sure everyone is a lesbian it is an all girls college sort type deal i am good friends with rachel hardy but eliza is there and she hates me apparently i go outside and talk to rachel hardy and when i come back inside eliza said she asked for the extra room in my flat and her friend in the other room so we will all be living together in a suite it occurs to me that eliza is a skilled manipulator and she is going to try to do some crazy shit to me-- i am only sort of worried about this,-art of me likes the idea of being hated then i am in my parents kitchen (but still at the school in paris) and maria and someone else have ordered izza and it is taking forver to get her, i realize i cant eat it and think about ordering a cheeseless pizza and then think maybe i can make it instead and then alex calls me and is trying to get me to order her a pizza even thought she already had a pizza and i ask her what she is doing and she says she is drinking with her parents and watching movies and wants to eat a lot of pizzas because shes not going out tonight and shes with her parents, i say that she should eat more regularly at night and she says i know but i havent eaten all week, edit-- i also remember a oint where chelsea and will are arguing over who i have left my leftover oatmeal to in my will or who i will leave it to

October 10th 2009

I meet a young sexy latin man and we have to slit u but i tell him to come and leave a note in the chainlink of my fence and attach it there with broken glass the next day i wake u late but see the glass there and then run into him i am wearing a towel and execting my mother to come home from vacation we start kissing and its real real great, i try not to let on how great, but clearly we are both in love by this moment- my brother is in the house and i go ustairs and my father is in his office on a conference call- for some reason the boy hides in my room he uts on two airs of shorts one is urle

October 9th 2009

it is a collection of girls i have known, lindsay bohan, kathleen, kramer, kiely turgeon, meghann cannon-- lindsay bohan and meghann cannon are the most clear we are working in this factory] store where we suosedly get aid 10 dollars an hour and are allowed to drink-- this seems cool at first but the owners end u being real assholes who boss us around and everytime i leave the aisle where i am restocking ackets of candy in order to go to the bathroom or get something to eat they yell at me in a langhuage i cant understand and laugh and lindsay tells me we have to look busy, i follow her around when i dont know what to do and eventually we are outside in a vacuum like sace and there is a big ball of eole that flooats around in the air and we have to grab on to one of the eoles limbs in order to climb on, at one oint too many of us try at once and roll off, but we eventually get on

October 7th 2009 (Tory Campbell's 22nd birthday)

AT firts i am bike riding to a little blue house at the end of a culdesac in the woods somewhere, but the street leading there is paved and has rollercoaster like hills, the house i think is alex's mom's house, first i get there and then i am bike riding again, but this time when i go over the hills i have a strange feeling as if i'm flying. it is as if i have discovered something truly unique and special, like a super power. i try to call alex and tell her about this and tell her she needs to bike down the hills, then i realize i have slept through the whole day and missed class and i am alone in my apartment in paris, but i think it is alexs apartment and i can see the builiding that will lives in from out of the window. i had thought that the builidng will lived in was the largest building in paris but it is tiny from this view, i tell alex that on the phone and they both laugh at me idiocy. she says they have been up all day and to come over. i feel sad and overwhelemed for some reason, the city seems huge and insurmountable. when i wake up i am glad to be awake and not in the dream, however i realize i have slept until 4 and missed class, and stepping outside, someone has stolen my bike.

0cotber 4th 2009

Matt and I have broken up, there is a party and he is acting really angry. I guess it is my party, it is after Nathan Durfee's show, and Anson shows up with some guys from a 'gang.' They are three black dudes in red vinyl track jackets who I've never met before. They are going to do something at the party. I go out to the top of the driveway, I am trying to get Matt and them to leave. Nathan Durfee is there in his suit from the show. We do a little dance. He is oblivious to all that is going on and is very cute. He waltzes me a little before being taken away in a car.

October 3rd 2009

I am in some weird class with Teresa Acton, my parents next door neighbor, and Shelley Smith, it is something to do with clothes and she is trying to reassure me. I think Shelley is dating Tom Quinn and they are discussing how great he is. Before this I am caught under a train and every time a car comes by I shake my feet so they see me and switch lanes or else they will run me over. I feel extremely claustrophobic. At one point there is some kind of party where entire wardrobes are being raffled off by decade (50's 60's, 70's, etc) I keep looking at my ticket numbers but the person keeps calling out first names and I realize I was supposed to write my name down but didn't and I don't win anything although seemingly everyone else does.

octobver 1st 2009

I had to go to Tony Varallo's office to turn in my paper after class, for some reason I go back there later and he is sitting outside his office door in the hallway, a printer is printing out the papers with grades on them, a paper with A+ on it is coming out of the printer as i step in. I say why are you out in the hallway? but then i notice he has his desk and everything set up out there and since he shares an office with his wife, he has been kicked out and i9s trying to pretend the hallway is his office, I feel bad for saying anything and I wonder if I got the A+.