I dream I have this sort of seventies style burnt sienna jacket hanging up in my room and at first I think its really ugly and wonder why I bought it. Then I try it on and it is suddenly leopard fur and really soft and looks amazing and is my new favorite jacket ever.

I am at "7 winfield street" as it exists in the dream, and maybe I am late getting back and think Sharon might be upset with me. She comes down and into the apartment though and isn't mad, she is talking about the cats and how they should be allowed to be freer or dirtier. She says something about how "see shes fine there" about edna laying across the table or something.

Eithere because Sharon told me I should I decide to take the cats out.
(Before this I try to walk to the convenience stores to get a snack but they are all closed and I realize its a lot later than I thought) Sharon is in a car with a strange man or there is a strange man in a car several times, as if he is sort of following me. I think maybe he is supposed to be a cop.

Then I decide to take the cats out instead because I'm hungry and so I take them to a restaurant down the street. I want to go check on Nane in the middle of dinner but realize I can't leave the cats at the table by themselves or else they won't behave themselves. I get a call from my mother and don't answer it and then realize its her birthday.

When I get back to the apartment I go in the back and my grandmother is on the floor but I pick her up and get her back into bed. The alarm is going off. My mother is also in the kitchen with my Aunt Pam.

the ron jeremy/ danny devito dream: saturday the 25th

(sleeping over at ricky's)

I am living in a little apartment with my grandmother but Sharon also lives there. Sometimes I feel like I need to be doing something and I'm not sure what my role vs Sharon's role is supposed to be in taking care of my grandmother.

At some point I get involved with this guy who has Danny Devito's size and body-type but who looks like Ron Jeremy and acts sort of like a pornstar-gangster. He has a latkey who is a skinny little gay dude who looks almost albino with white blonde hair. They come into my room or I am in their room or the two things become one but I don't think we leave the house where my grandmother, Sharon, and I live. It seems like Ronny Devito convinces me of something at first and then he leaves.

After he leaves I am left alone with the gay albino and we are left to sort of feel each other out. The room we are in sort of turns into my parents bedroom. He asks me if I want to do cocaine with him and I say ok but then while he is cutting it up I get involved in something else...I think maybe I am rolling a joint. He cuts up a bunch of lines and then he does all of them. I had noticed before that he had been doing cocaine and when I see him after I realize he's a bit of a cokehead.
He starts shivering and rocking back and forth on the carpet and I think I am concentrating again on rolling the joint but he suddenly says "hey" to me and I look up. He asks me if I will come over and sit next to him and so I go over and sit next to him and put my arms around him and we rock back and forth and I feel like I suddenly understand him and am glad he is able to ask me to be there, it is a very innocent moment.

Then something happens and I'm not sure the exact time sequence. At some point Ronny Devito comes back and then we are back in the small room in the Sharon-grandma apartment. Ronny Devito is having sex with me and I'm not sure why but I feel like I've become part of some deal or something. It isn't exactly something I'm into but I don't feel like its horrible either.

Then Ricky shows up and we are somewhere else altogether, maybe out, but the environment isn't as clear. We start having sex and it is good and I feel like I've had some kind of sexual realization or discovery, maybe about orgasming. We are together and happy.

Then I am transported back to the little room where Ronny Devito had sex with me and no one is there but all their stuff is there (I guess they had stuff) and I suddenly remember about how they came in and what happened and I start to feel horrible about it and I don't know how I'll get out of the situation. I feel as if I need to run away even though I think that the room was originally my room. I decide that I will need to leave this place.

Right before I wake up I am realizing I just agreed to have a threesome with Nathan and Caroline and a girl we found on the internet? I go into the bathroom to collect myself and accidentally drop a towel in the toilet. Around that time I realize I am dreaming and don't have to go through with thee threesome and I wake up.
Nathan and Caroline and the girl are all in the living room I was just in sitting on a big gymnastic mat on the floor. Nathan gives the rules of the threesome very stoically about how you can engage and who you can engage with and one at a time and this and that.

Before this I meet Erin in a super-store or a mall. Its more like a big glass building with all different little rooms with different items in them, maybe the same as the place I met her before but it feels different. She shows me a video someone took of me because they thought I was related to her family I think? When I cam to a party or event...or maybe they thought I was her. In the video I am riding up an escalator and I look fat, not gigantically fat, but fat in the way that I realize that I'm actually fatter than I think I am. Through the dreams after that I feel self-conciously fat.

Erin and I go into a little nook at the end of one of the halls in the mall up a few steps, it is a "used book store" but more like a small room of books or the James library. Erin is looking for a Shakespeare book which she finds almost immediately. I see a Calvin and Hobbes book on display I've never seen before and want to buy it but forget. There is another one opposite it as well. The illustrations on the cover look like earlier Calvin drawings and both books have aggressive sort of tongue-in-cheek violent titles...one says something about bombs. I remember later I forgot to buy the book.

(ricky spends the night)

ricky and i are driving in the dark in what is supposed to be cambridge i think but is more like a rural suburb ala norwell. we drive into a lot which is sort of like the bus turn around in scituate and i guess it is supposed to be a highschool parking lot. ricky goes inside or i go inside because another car comes into the lot and walks into the building. i guess ricky walks in after him. he is a pizza delivery driver. i get into the passenger seat of the car with the keys and wait for ricky and then get too nervous and jump in the drivers seat. i remember i say "just dont deliver any pizzas" i guess maybe we didnt have a car before and were walking along the road in"cambridge". it is always very dark. so we figure out the guy with the pizza is a delivery driver who is stuck in a time machine because he keeps showing up at this school lobby/ parking lot every 18 minutes with a new pizza and its the same guy with the same car. ricky gets frustrated that he keeps showing up and everytime the car dissappears. so we get in the car and drive away and i am nervous we will get caught and tthat another car in the parking lot is the police but it isnt or if it is they don't bother us. in the car we can see the pizza delivery driver still driving past us every 18 minutes.

before or after this we are outside walking around on the street and there is water like a creek. it is very dark and i am scared because ricky keeps scaring me. all of a sudden we are walking and the pavement turns into the tops of big wood telephone poles. we both go to turn back because we are so high up but then we see people walking under us on the street and sort of through the water. ricky goes back and jumps down and we walk over to the water which is full of starfish and sand dollars only all of them have only one half remaining. there is another thing sort of like an anenome that is coming out from a shell. all these bright purple strand like tentacles that are curved all in the same direction and extend and sweep around. they keeep touching me and trying to touch me and i think they are going to do something to me. ricky is trying to scare me wwith things in the water and i get upset and maybe start crying because it is scary and hes making things up and we've already stolen a car.

we go back to my place and it turns out i live in a dorm. instead of bunk beds i think i actually sleep in the same upper bunk bed as my room mate who i notice is there way too long into a makeout session with ricky. i see him and notice he is studying. he gives us a sheepish wierd look and we roll over to sleep or watch a movie. he is studying with a little book light thing and when we roll over to sleep ricky turns back and cuts off thee light. i tell him he cant do that and get out of bed. ricky calls nino and is talking about how much he hates those little booklights and how it must be perfectly understandable for him to need to turn it off. I go out into the hall of the dorm and a girl comes up to me and asks me if she can use me as a presentor for her project. i remember i go to a school for sortof tech-savvy pseudo art (i dont know why). she says she noticed me and how i have a gladiator persona that not too many people have anymore. I have to meet her at a panel like table meeting later. she shows pictures that she took of me in the grocery store or home depot where i am carrying heavy bag in each arm and my elbows are bent but my fists are raised up by my head...i guess this is what makes my persona "gladiator-like".

i notice what looks like a dead flower or flower-bud on my eyelash and pull it off. when i do a ton of other flower-heads come off. i dont know whether these are my eyelashes or not and i have to talk to someone without knowing right after.

after the eyelash incident and at the gladiator meeting, which ricky comes to, my face turns purple-red like a birthmark and gets very hot. when i go to the bathroom to check it out it has cleared up a little but my face is puffy and also my eyebrows have turned thin and blonde. i try to tell ricky about it. i think it may have been because they were going to take my picture.

(I wakeup briefly feeling like I might throw up and drooling water like I will)

I am with Lindsay and another girl who I think is maybe supposed to be Nathan's girlfriend and she looks sort of like Caroline ed's girlfriend from charleston. We are setto go bowling and I meet them on a porch. Caroline takes an unflattering picture of me from above with the last shot left in my disposable camera. I am mad because I was saving it for the only group shot and I dont know why she did it because there werent even any pictures of me on the camera yet, but it seemed like she was trying to make me react superficially or something. This upsets me deeply and I spend the rest of the time trying not to cry. She seems like a jerk.

Paul tells me my eyes are red and they look like they might start bleeding.

Bridey is secretly sort of an evil villain or much smarter than she seems. She is there and there is another caretaker who is nicer but not really someone real I think.

I take my grandmother to the beach. I enter a nursing home of sorts near the water which is all yellow and gold and orange and inside the lobby there is a gauzy gold curtain hanging down. After I open the door I am not sure it is a nursing home anymore. A small woman with a big head and thick short grey hair comes hobbling out of thee curtain and asks how she can help me. I think I wheel over my grandmother (in a wheelchair) to her. The place is cool looking (sort of like the nursing home in the movie ponyo). I start talking to an older woman sitting behind a desk and then the other woman comes flopping into the chair next to her and her feet and legs are tiny and move like a muppet's, like they are made out of cloth. She is half seriously complaining/yelling at the woman next to her. She becomes a muppet.

I decide to get my grandmother out of here. I bring her out onto the beach. My mother comes there. I want her to take care of Josephine for me so I can leave. I think maybe my brother is there.

friday night- I am out somewhere with Jodi and Caroline Johnson. It is a weird store or restaurant and we are talking about being inherently misunderstood or weird or not being able to do what we want to do. I realize that Caroline is an artist. She shows me an illustration shes done of some woodland animals dressed like people, sort of wind in the willows-esque but very neatly done and pro looking.