tuesday december 29th

when i first wake up i have just nearly cartwheeled off a ledge but balance my weight juts enough to pull myself back onto the roof. i may be in paris. it is me, kelsey snyder and maybe maria. we are trying to get ourselves and our stuff t the third floor without dying but the elevator is old and unreliable and closes very fast. it keeps closing on one of us or not going up all the way and it is very easy to fall down the elevator shaft. before we thought we were stuck in the elevator but then we had gotten out before i tried to just take the elevator up anyway and almost fell off the roof.

wednesday december 23rd 2009

it is time for finals. i am with monica. i am afriad i am going to fail history. i think john hull teaches my history class or is in charge of my grade. the finals are all in hugerooms like gymnasiums. there are paper lists on the wall that have a drawing of a eye and whether or not you have to take the final. i see my name and it says something about giving me a bad look. i think that maybe this means that ive failed. i leave and dont take the final. i run into jarod charsewski. there are discount packages of cookies, maybe pepperidge farm, ginger cookies, they have a milk ingrediet. later we are starving and monica eats them and i am going to eat them even though they have a milk ingredient.

(while writing this dream i remember the dream i had once where we were in the woods, in a sleigh or something almost like the festival of lights. there were deers and horses.)

tuesday december 22nd 2009

i am at will paige and chelseas house. i find a hole in the bottom of my foot like a nail went through it. in the hole i find a millipede like worm. i shake it out and it is translucent and has lights in it. first it sqiggles around and then it blows up into a ball and flashes purple lights then goes back to a millipede and then flys off into the bathroom where i assume it goes into the toilet and is going to infect someone else. in the hole in the bottom of my foot there are what look like little tails and i assume they are millipede/ worm eggs. i shake them out. we have just finished exams or something.

dream digression- before sculpture final/ december

i dream that i make this piano thing. it is like half piano/half table and there is glass, maybe it is partly made of metal. it sits in this building like a townhouse apartment or something and floor to ceiling windows all around it. it is black red, white- the three most powerful colors. then it is suspended in the air, sort of like i am the piano-table but not really. it is on top of the buildings and i have to try to keep it from falling into the ocean (with my mind?) i lose it though and it falls int the ocean and then i am the one who is floating on top of the buildings and i have to try to keep myself from falling. there is something pulling and pushing me, like fear or gravity. i mess up and fall off the building but right then i realize i am dreaming so its ok. once i realize im dreaming i float back up to the tops of the buildings and not falling is more like a game and less like life or death.

december 17th 2009 (first night home winter break)

i am wearing some kind of strawberry detailed maroonish shirt. i feel fat. i think john says i've gotten chubby. (this morning i go to spinning with dad/ start health plan> no-dream)

dream digression- 11- 24- 09

i am with two girls, maria thinks they are cool girls, but i think they are prats-- it is like we are going to prom but we are going to a wedding- i am wearing a huge wedding dress and when i get there everyone is wearing a wedding dress, i immediately get ushered into a swarm of brides and we are going to run a marathon first, i run the marathon and break the tape and a man tells me i won, i won the whole thing and i keep asking him - really- and finally he says no, but you did ok, you can go again

dream digression october\november 2009

(nane is dying) first i am on a trip with kennedy, we go to a shack in the woods where some girls who used to be her friends are, they expect her to have drugs but she doesnt, they are all fucked up and mean to us, we decide to leave and i say i will drive, we drive away and it is beautiful, the landscape keeps changing, it is a long drive

dream digression- 11\20\09

people (chelsea, will ) come over and pet the cats, they are full of fleas, i tell maria i am skipping class, we are eating a lot of food, my mother drives me to the grocery store because i work there, she is very angry because she went away and i didnt take down her messages- i keep saying - wont they know that you were caring after your ailing mother

dream digression- 10\09

guitar playing doesnt sound like guitar-- jared charsewski has a dream log and i see it on the internet, i go to some sort of recess in the cole school gym, jared & janelle verocchis mother are teaching the kids-- mrs verocchi comes up to me and says she thinks jared is too aggressive with the children, she says- i mean, your parents wouldnt come up to you like that! (but i think they would) i try to defend jared but feel i havent done a thorough job- then i am at some sort of camp with jared & michelle granara, i say something about being gay but make sure he knows im not

dream edit- october 14th 2009

i dream drawing maxs face in profile

dream digression- 9-09

we are going to macchu picchu or mesopotamia which is a bunch of adobe villas built underground (which is neither of these i think & more like roxaboxan or pompei) there is a river or stream which runs over smooth flat rocks, the rocks are what we will use for everything, it is a mystery what happened to the people who lived here, professor farrel gives a lecture before we leave, she is the leader- maria, max, and blair, some others all go - along with some of the others i pick up rocks, say i feel like i could do anything with them- max, blair and i stand at a table underground as if we are going to make things

dream digression- 9-09

danielle brutto, james and i are having a picnic in the ocean, we kee losing the salad bowls and i keep swimming underwater to retreive them

dream digression- 9-17-09 (lock-in)

matt tells me he is going to need to use my computer, also tells me ishmael is bringing tabs of acid

dream digression- 9-17-09

i am at ginas house there is one young girl who is her daughter(ish) a horse, will graefe writes me an illustrated note (maybe it has a unicorn on it) it says i love you for right now--just kidding, i love you forever- i am in a horoscope class with preston- the teacher starts with me, going into a long explanation, preston interrupts & cuts her short in order to start talking about him, i get very angry & am extremely cruel to preston, afterward i feel bad about this

dream digression start- 9-14-09

going to sleep i am talking to alex, max, then will (gran), telling them i am dreaming and beginning to sleep which keeps making me realize they are not really there because i am dreaming (this is when i switch who i am talking to) john, paige and i are in another sort of world and we have a flying car, john says he has been told he needs to make paige eat, she wants to go eat--- right before i wake up john says nevermind- right before i wake up luke offers me nine dollars

sunday december 13th 2009

at first i am at some outdoor poetry event, justin maria and will pittman are there, justin and i are canoodling for a bit but he dissapears, will pittman leaves the field trip and seems surly, i think we are talking about who is the greatest or most talented among us, then i am somewhere like a school and am going to teach a riding lesson, the girl who i am teaching asks me to ask gina if she can ride a certain horse, i tell her to go ask her herself, it occurs to me that i still havent seen gina since the last time i ever saw her, dj comes up to me and asks if id be willing to make some money doing the stable radio show, every different facility at the school has a radio show, i want to do it but dont quite understand what im supposed to do or how to do it, somehow i see the radio shows for the stable recently which look like blog posts and are not good at all, then it turns into some kind of rockshow where i need to perform, it had been some sort of soiree but now there is some kind of vote going on about who will -erform next, and someone says it will be me and kimmi hendrix and someone else, i get very nervous that i am not going to know all the words to any of the songs and start trying to remember all of the wind cries mary in my head

friday december 12th 2009

in my dream a huge chunk of my hair falls out and i am upset at first but whoever i try to tell doesnt really notice or care so i start cutting off the rest of my hair. it wasnt the way it was supposed to happen.

DECEMBER 6TH 2009

right when i wake up me and justin yampolsky have just started kissing outside of maybank whgich is also sort of a grocery store and it iswonderful but then he turns into derek campanelli and i almost forget.

before that i had gone on some wierd trip. maybe to new york. jonathan is there in a building like the painting studio and plays me a velevt underground cover that sharon lacey has recorded and says its a big hit. i say shes a painting professor and shes right here! and she is right there and says there is some artist around the corner like i am going to get to talk to him. then jonathan starts acting really strange and embarassing in front of the artist and i have to try and get him to leave. i realize there is blood on my neck and my knee and sharon lacey examines it and tells me i have a worm. i spend the rest of the time trying to convince my family that i have a worm but no one will listen or believes me.

december 5th 2009

i see Peacock and he asks me if I turned in my independent study form at the beginning of the week. I say no i didn't and am sorry. He says something to the point of that it is ok and i will be moving my studio into the new building.

november 30th, 2009 (night before stegner app.)

i am going to some sort of school, i am late for a halloween party. the halloween party is in a room upstairs, the building is like a high school. I have forgotten to get a costume so i go to the room early and michael haga is there getting ready for the party. he is the only one there and has a pile of costumes to choose from. i choose a panda costume and then put a mask on that has a cat shaped head and a beak. i say i am a panda dressed up for halloween but later on i forget i am a panda and think i am the hamburghler who has a proper name which michael haga knows and repeats but i keep forgettiung right after i hear it. somehow i see myself later and realize i'm in a panda suit. i think maria is there. i think other people come.