alvan looking svelte and talking about how fit and active he is since his knee surgery...

frankas walking around with that seagrams grape drink i bought in portland for 50 cents...

trip to an amusement park with my family and uncle kenny and maybe others...all i want to do is ride horses... and we get on a caterpillar cart roller coaster kind of ride...and each stop is a different event/acivity (almost like that old game show where they get to choose taking the money or the thing in the box- each stop on the ride is like the thing in the box)

all i want to do is ride horses...and there are horses all around it seems...but we only get to ride horses for 5 minutes on the rollercoasterride, or not even.

i am in some room with frankas and this little kid, its like some retreat room from the amusement park, we are watching a movie or something.

there is a white piece of paper with a etching of a little kid on it and it looks just like the little kid we're with and i draw him onto the etching. i go to put his name. his name is Archie.

I write Archie on the paper.

There is 

Go with Travis to some other state where some friends of his are living, warm, I've never been before, maybe Florida or Mexico...

His friends all live in this house and I guess he used to live there, he gets upset at his friend mentioning something because he wants it for himself and I describe to his friend how he's mad at whatever his friend said he did because Travis thinks his friend should have done it for HIM. He looks at me some weird way and I kind f beat him up and he is being dramatic about it. 

I go out to go fishing with his friends on the dock and they are saying how they fish is called something bombs and they are talking about how where they are is more like Missouri than where it really is.

They fish by throwing apples into the water of this lake like area, some kind of channel. We are standing in the water with the dock beneath our feet and the water up to our chests at least. They throw the apples in the water and wait for the fish to bite the apples and then try to catch the fish. 

I am watching this and something brushes my leg and I look down into the water and it is a manatee! Lots of manatees in the lake and I want to go and swim with them but I'm not sure what else is in the lake so I don't do it. I am thinking of Frankas and wishing he is here, but somehow I know he is at home with my parents.

I leave heir house with Rachael Hayes and her friend to go to some show out at this bar. There. Are curvy neon sign lined streets kind of like New Orleans or something. I am talking to some dudes at the bar. I have all kinds of art supplies on me. Rachael and her friend want to leave and I take a long time putting all my art supplies together in my bag before i meet them outside. There is some bar we wanted to go to on the way back. We decide we are still going to go.

Some other scene with Frankas at my parents house or something.

i am at some strange house that is supposed to be my mom's house. she comes in in a bath robe looking like she's been crying and says she's not going. i guess she got in a fight with erik and he slit both her cheeks, just like a little knife slit like the guy does to charlie sheen in platoon, but i guess he did it with his fingernails. she says she is not going to the party.

i am with antonia. we are going to the party it is her birthday party.

there is some odd work study girl who i only kind of know also at my mothers house staying mostly with my mother i guess.

i leave and go to another country that seems almost yiddish or -stani. i am thinking i might miss the party and I'm not sure if I'm allowed in this country. i see a pet store and i go in.

in the pet store there is one gray cockateil the size of a cockatoo in a large cage. there are other large and exotic parrot birds in cages. the cocktail is advertised for $6 and $6.$12 in total i am guessing. i ask the clerk woman about it. she says cockatiels are kind of boring. this one is missing some feathers under his beak and does not move at all.

i am thinking of buying the cocktail but i see a beaded kind of wide beaded necklace array and i think i should buy it for antonia's birthday. i ask the clerk woman for it.

one piece is a long wide beaded necklace. another piece is a beaded bag. and another piece is a beaded hat. antonia will love it. it is only $6.60. the pet store is also a bar. the clerk woman is very nice and grateful for my purchases. the country is kinder to me than i expected. i am glad i have come in.

i make it back to the apartment/house and there is still time to get to antennas party. i am packing lots of bird sticker materials and clothes and hiding the present in a duffel bag. it is going to be a kind of art party. by the ocean.

(at some point it feels like antonia and her sister turn into my cousins leslie and erin and we are consoling my mom, i only remember remembering this)

my mom and the work study girl have been watching a movie. i am secretly drinking wine or something and hoping i haven't too drunk,or was that after.

the work study girl wants to go to the party and then my mom wants to see the present i got antonia. she is going to drive us to the party. i am rifling through my duffel bag to find the present to show her.

Frankas buying me all the pets at the pet store. A baby chick I put in my pocket. Accidentally kill it. 

There is a new chick.

Amy shumer singing sincere almost sappy love songs she wrote herself at a club.

night before last

i am watching fiona apple singing a song either one of her songs or a cover, she sings it differently than i've heard it before. i'm talking to her about how much i like it. first she's on stage and then she's right backstage or to the side stage, and she's doubting herself and is very real. i love how she was singing.

it is sunny and warm and we are outside. there is in air of excitement.

I guess I used to live in an apartment with jAck white's son, a young Anderson cooper, Paul fletcher and someone else... Frankas and I are moving into a new apartment with them. We will be sleeping in a loft bed. There are rabbits at least one and some kind of unheard of friendly chinchilla.

We get in the house first no are waiting for the others to show up. When jack white's son shows up he says Do you have a band still? And I say yah, do you? And he says ha. His band is called something weird like dreak house or du hops. We have to leave right as they all show up.

We are going to New York and I am packing and my mom is there. Not sure where we are.i don't do a great job. We are taking a train. I have a moped motorcycle, red and black. I am taking it o the train. Someone kind of like jack white's son but I guess not also has a motorcycle he takes on the train.

I lose my motorcycle and can't find it and think someone stole it. I am drinking beer outside the train. I am getting so upsets about the motorcycle. I got it for cheap and how could I get another one? I am distraught.

I looked behind a row of chairs at the end wall of the train car and the motorcycle is hidden behind there. Thank god. I feel bad for making such a scene.

We get to new york and go to Jonathan's. He keeps talking about how much he loves south station in new york because it goes from one side of Broadway to another street, canAl? I forget.

We go to his house and kitty and nemo zen are there. We go into a kitchen and nemo comes in with opened cat food in one. Can and piss in another. He says he doesn't know what to do with them or how to throw them away. It's gross. I mix the cat food into the piss. I'm upset that I'm even holding it.

Frankas is there in the kitchen. There is some Rexipe he keeps getting on the phone about. That we find in New York. 

We take the train back to Boston and when we get off Frankas has a bike locked up and I have the motorcycle. We ride along this empty backroad highway into Boston. It's beautiful out. There are some chimp like animals in a field to our left. Frankas throws something at them and they come up to us. Then a bus comes up behind us and slows down it doesn't see Frankas maybe. He pushes his body into the front windshield and it is stretchy and pushes in like a vinyl curtain. He does the same thing on the side.

Frankas says he recorded over someone vinyl. He thought it was a blank LP. 

I was on a family vacation with my parents and frankas was here and I was with a bunch of girls at some point and my uncle was there and there was a song that went Eleanor Eleanor and I guess we were by the Kennedy center and we were on a bus before but we got off the bus because we wanted to walk by the Kennedy center and we were following my dad and my uncle was saying how my grandmother used to work over there by the Kennedy center.... Maybe it is Washington, D.C.

It is bright sunny pale grey smelt and brick everywhere, broad historical looking streets....

We end up at a dock and there is a big banquet hall I guess on a ship attached to the dock and you can either stand out on the dock or go into the banquet hall. Frankas and my parents are there.

I go in the banquet hall and there is no food yet but some old food I guess from he last event. I take a wine glass that has some kind of salmon crab leg thing in it. A waitress comes by and sees me so I pour some water in the glass for some reason. 

She says I might not want to have that dish because there might be chicken Marseilles or something in it.

I go out by the back of the banquet hall and see some animal shapes in the water. 

It is so sunny and warm.

Wendy and Keith are over at my parents house and getting into arguments at one point Wendy says to Keith I only need you to help me read the herald...not sure what this means seems like maybe she was trying to write newspaper articles and he was helping her. I leave with them to go to their beach house or something.

At the beach house there are cats and Katie shecter and a blonde girl and another girl and I am reminded of Kennedy somehow. They are all sitting in a dark room smoking cigarettes and at some point they open tall boys.

I go upstairs and there is someone living there already and then there is repo rob who is moving In and then I guess I am also moving into this room. There are cats. I am somehow taking care of repo rob I feel or he is expecting me to and I am mad at the situation. I look under the bed and there is cat shit out of the litter box. I am freaking out.

Singing songs like for a voice recital/ voice competition from a book for Vince who is playing the piano....

Before that at a buffet I've been to before where you eat salad last In the salad room. I am only eating salad. Tubs / bins of dressing...

Walk into the room and am kind of separated from Vince by a divider...annoyed at how the songs go/ how I sound... Sing Benny and the jets And some other Elton John, then am singing Manhattan by cat power, there must be a backing track because I come in late and know because I heAr her come In first.

Someone else is coming in and setttting up before I finish.

I have got some kind of touror show together and I pick up travis in my car (and maybe we are driving to New Orleans) he doesn't know anything about what we're doing and acts dumb to everything. We stop by my parents hous and my mom comes out in the driveway, she's telling me she doesn't want me Togo she says "I never said I wanted you going to fall river."