listening to a song by britney spears during her conservatorship, it sounds different , her voice sounds good,

its fall

at my parents house but its a big old dark colonial type house and i go into a little room to play some kind of music and somebody starts putting the window down from the outside and its maggie clune and she says hey jessie and i say hey 

and  i walk outside and we walk over to her house and she has this big dapple grey horse and he comes running up to us acting like  a puppy and i ask her if she rides him and she says she does and i want to ride him so bad and i ask if hes a girl

and her dad is out there and says no hes a gelding and thyen lets two little ponies out of a gate and they are two tiny little white ponies 

i love this horse and want to ride him so bad and want a horse so bad 

october 16 2021

 doing a film with austin rutledge somewhere in a big dark house... im there and then realize lauren pespisa is there who i told austin i never want to film with again so i go off by myself

i tell austin i need some speed and he gives me a big capsule full of some sickly sweet stuff and i eat it in the bathroom

(irl when i wake up austin wants to film but i dont and he posts a pic of lauren on his ig)

 GOING TO HERBS HOUSE and axing about the car and him telling me he sold it and not giving me any information about it and just being a total asshole about it,  i start taking things from around the house and throwing them at him

cav comes and takes me away and we are in a grocery store and i dont want to be there or with him and he is looking at all these different chips and there are free samples out and i take some kind of tiny pastry that looks like a button and im telling him how i dont want to be with him 

october 10 2021

 sleeping over at billy arrias house, some kind of party going on , and im sleeping all by myself up in some room in a comfy bed with my rabbit under the covers

and i wake up and talk to billy

in between scenes of us at college together in a classroom with the desks and chairs that are all one piece and laura garvey talking

and me being friends with laura garvey somehow because of billy and appreciating her

and then billy is gone somewhere leaves suddenly or something and im in this small wood paneled bar somewhere and i have to pee

and a little folding door opens and billy walks out and hes with someone else there too and im so happy to see him to find him and i hug him

and then im trying to use the bathroom but the door keeps sliding open and they are seeing me trying to pee and laughing at me

then billy hugs me from behind and it feels good and he goes to grope my breast

(irl his ig pops up with a story post and i tell him he was in my dream and a good presence, thinking about him in a different way than i ever have before , weird & interesting)

OCTOBER 9 2021

with some freinds and randomly see mikalea murphy on the street and then we are all hanging together and lindsay is there and something is happening

billy arria shows up somewhere

OCOTBER 8 2021

 at some kind of family reunion and brandon jarva is somne sluf type potato person and he is making fun of keith and keith is saying something back maybe about being fat or being strong

 somewhere out on the street with a group of people, somewhere like LA, very sunny and warm out

run into chelsea handler and its like i know her and have known her for a long time

and im talking to her about how glad i am that shes found love and that she and that both of us have allowed ourselves to love and accept love and shes happy and nodding and we're hugging

and im crying

 in a classroom somewhere with will and other people in it , the class is revolving around madonnas ass, a big screen showing madonnas ass cheeks in a grey leotard , and then i am standing at the top of the class over a table with a guitar layed kind of on its back throwing flattened metal bottle caps across the top of the guitar kinda at will

and will comes up next to me and grabs my ass

then i am doing a show with heather mcdonald and chris franjola (who are playing on my phone in the waking world) and theyre talking to fast and my head and my mouth are like jello like i cant interject cuz theyre going too fast for me like leaving language entirely almost 

 go to some venue thats familiar and the guy from pod awful is there doing some kind of show but its in boston on my turf and im playing guitar on the floor and somehow i go into the bathroom and its full of shit everywhere and it gets all over me and my head and i go and brush it all on the pod awful guy and he gets very mad butt hurt upset that im ruining his show

rob potylo is there and talking to me and seems more mature and i feel a slight attraction to him and he tries to hook up with me but i dont hook up with him, i guess he was a part of the show too

there are lots of people there 

then vomit bitch and we are at some kind of outdoor show and then its a highschool reunion and jackie maynard likes me but doent like vomit , people start talking shit about vomit