i am going to china. rachael hayes is there and her sister just left. there is a big apartment we get to stay in when we go to china, and we get to go there when we go on trips across the world. i guess i am going to europe, maybe paris. but i have to go to china first, like a layover, only we stay there at this apartment there.

i am in boston or new york and moving around and trying to collect all my things together. like i am in the emf building or a hotel and left all my things in different rooms and i need different things for different parts of the journey i'm about to go on and i'm trying to gather them up.

i have a little gold box that is a very important thing that i will need in china or europe but have to hide in my suitcase for part of the journey.

i get to china and i am in a car with someone, a guy i know but don't recognize and we are driving around this big square restaurant with big glass windows and rachael hayes is sitting in the restaurant and i can see her through the window and i am coming to meet her so this is good.

in some kind of weird babe-like story with my family and my brother...living on this farm or on this farm visiting...and our grandfather comes down to the lake-pond in the back of the farm and he is naked and he bathes there and somehow i see this in pictures that perhaps my brother took...

then we are with my grandmother on a porch and she was going to take us away somewhere...it turns out she ties animals and people to the front of her house to make some kind of point...

it also turns out her mother died (maybe somewhat like howard stern's mother because i was listening to howard stern latenight) and we are not sure if she is sorry that her mother died...

i keep trying to figure out the story and it seems familiar like babe or something so i'm also kind of trying to figure out which fairytale type thing we are in and i'm getting confused and frustrated...

i go into a room with an older man i dont really recognize who i guess i was in some kind of relationship with ( i a aware of frankas somewhere and this is not frankas) and he tells me that woman at the party when we first got to the farm (which i remember again in pictures) was his wife

and he tells me we can't see each other anymore and i am pretty ok with it (although he doesnt notice) and then we go for a drive

Frankas leaves me sleeping in room 04 and then two young boys come in the room. 

They are talking to each other and do not notice me past the divider.

One notices me and then they leAve the room. I think maybe I am dreaming them that they were there but realize I 'am not dreaming' when they come back in wi Frankas. I start to yell at them for being in the room and looking at Frankas but realize he has told them they can come in. He is being nice to them and asking them questions. 

I am mad he let them in there when I was sleeping and follow him when he leaves the room out to the bland entrance and throw the wood thing that holds the newspapers at him down the stairs.

We walk through some woods and a trai. Track and find this neat little dead end street with the old train track being the street, dead end on one side and on the other side a little shop. They are playing Elvis outside in one of the houses on the street and a guy walks by singing the Elvis song (this is actually later when I go back to the street) -

The first time, we go into the shop and it is a little middle eastern shop and there is a rabbit , white and black with short little ears hopping around the shop.

We go back again and are talking to a girl that works there, ,aye I am asking about getting a job, she takes me out back down the train track street and to a bug hutch where there are 5 or 6 big fluffy lop eared rabbits inside. I ask her and a mother woman who is there whether it is protocol to let the short eared rabbit live inside and keep all the lop eared ones outside. She said she doesn't really take them out of the hutch and she says yes, this is what most people do. She says the rabbits outside get better food though and some other things.

With Frankas and he puts his hair up Ina bun and he has different hair and really becomes a different person, tAller, thinner, looks slightly like Vince and like that guy who was in film school that I made out with at the party at Lindsay's cousins house in Boston we went to, with Chelsea?

I am looking at him, trying to place him. Then he takes his hair down and i realize he is Frankas again.

Walking around emf and open the door to the 2nd floor bathroom and there is a girl in there I recognize from some time before and she looks passed out but I notice she is scratching at a spot on her upper back thigh before I close the door.

I go back in room 04 and there are even more boys in there and they are all lying like sardines on the bed roll with blankets on them watching something on the projection screen. I talk to them and it turns out they are some kind of computer engineers. I ask them how old they are and they tell me they are 16.

doing coke on some kind of girls weekend in a room with jacki maynard taylor cleaves and other less specific girls. some one kind of like sinclair. joe mccarthy is there  with a few people kind of playing music. taylor cleaves has just been to some musical that i have also been to, called danny boy, and we are seeing video of her up on stage with the cast at the end of the musical...jacki maynard's shirt dress is falling off and she is saying this would be the perfect place for a yogi burlesque show where everyone has to stand up...we are in some apartment in new york....

doing coke. and the coke has glitter in it. and everyone has bags of it. i dont do it at first. both my nostrils are stuffed up. i end up taking a big chunk and just shoving it up my right nostril. someone is saying how numb their lips and nose are and i feel like my lower face is swelling up.

i am with my family around the holidays. parents, erik, uncle kenny... end up getting in a fight and going "fuck you fuck you fuck you" to everyone.

something about blue.

lindsay comes over and sleeps over and we are going christmas shopping. everyone is all in this big christmas shopping store which is also a bar/restaurant attached.

am looking through all the items and then find my parents with antonia at the bar, having beer and she is having a cider. i go over but they don't get me  anything. i am still upset with them.

last saturday

last saturday ( a week ago) - sara silk came over to emf and we were meeting up for the first time in a long time and she brought gifts for me and hugged me and was very warm...

an animal came out of the parking lot facing door of the emf building... at first startled and thinking it is a rat...it is all white...turns out it is a rabbit...and a 'domesticated' type rabbit in a way... it follows us around and when we yell "mr. rabbit" he comes or does what we tell him to do... he has one floppy ear... i want him to be real

(IRL on this day coriander comes over to emf and brings me gifts of skincare and stolen lip stain from wholefoods and we start filming our new talk show be. on. say.)

in some kind of mall...or fairground...

driving around in a car with antonia...bright sun...looking at a big stack of junk and bricks and debris...bright colors on a brick wall...like graffitti...