yesterday/ last night

i am on like a rented house vacation with my family and relatives. everyone has children even the old ones all have babies and stuff. i can tell everyone is judging me for not having a baby or a boyfriend but the babies freak me out. im scared to touch them or hold them or be near them or left alone with them. everytime someone hands me a baby i end up in the ocean and the water is almost over my head and the baby is about to drown. no one really yells at me for this, they just take the babies away. uncle andy's baby shits in the water and he scoops it up like hes going to take it in as a sample. i guess there is something wrong with his baby. inside keith and wendy are there and they take out these gigantic chunks of corn on the cob out of the freezer. they are each one half of a huge corn on the cub. they put them on the table and cut of a row of kernels and when they cut it off it becomes a regular sized full corn on the cob. i eat it raw.

last night-
anson was there or i was waiting for him somewhere but we changed empty rooms or something. then i was at a table at a restaurant or bar or something and alex was sitiing across from me and i got up and i'm not sure if i made it happen but there was this robot-waitress thing and it got a cup of water and walked over to the table and dumped the water on alexs head and zipped away. it was really funny and the robot was really cool looking like the jetsons.

i am in some sort of highschool situation. maria grabs my arm as i am ducking down a hall. i had just glimpsed cliff coming out from the staircase.maria is holding a flute case. she gets his attention and says that i had wanted to talk to him about a crossword. no i dont i tell her. then he is up close and has a close shaved head and is bigger and burlier than real life. he sort of shakes my hand, his hands are huge. i start walking out and some guy starts talking to me about how he was saying something to me and peacock was saying the opposite (i say hes confused me with someone else and that that happened three years ago) and how he thinks peacock is a "shit." i try and tell him how much i disagree with him politely. i go outside to smoke a cigarette and see my brother and say erik jarva. other people outside start talking about how we are related...i think they know leslie and erin. i say my cousins are leslie and erin and they giggle.

we are in italy on the writing trip and we each have a murder mystery to solve but i'm not sure if its real or an excersize. we each have a set of suspects and victims from which to research and resolve the situation. i haven't done mine or have done it wrong. i don't really understand it. ed is sitting next to me on a plane or something and i'm pretending to sleep/ am sleeping and he touches my legs. then he is carrying me around by the legs and i am resting my hands on his shoulders. someone says that only the people who did the project right are getting called to read them or are having theirs read or something.

last three nights smushed together because i've been dreaming too much

i am on a trip with my parents, i see cliff peacock he is telling me what to do with my life, i forget what he tells me, somewhere i see the large hairy caterpillars a woman was talking about on npr the other day, i want to phone in and tell them that she wasn't mistaken, that the caterpillars really do have hair, short bristly hair. they are black and white. i am trying to find will at another point. i think i want to sleep with him. i can't find him. anson tells me he has read his horoscope in the city paper (scorpio) it advised him to giggle like a tipsy sagittarious. he sees all the same connections i thought of when i saw it. we have a good time together. we are alone. i dream i am living with nane in south boston. she is sitting at the chair nearest the porch in the kitchen. she is muttering to herself. chelsea gives me advice on something, i forget now. i see someone else, maybe bret lott.

night before last: pat and ricks house

i dream i am at ricks's parents house and my whole family is there. we have all come to see someone who is related to us in a play that they are in. not everyone can go it turns out. the house is huge and wierd. mary merrit is making a pasta salad and the first one she makes gets ash in it so she has to throw it out and make another one. i am in the kitchen and i accidentally drop a small blue bowl into the garbage disposal which is more like a wood chipper. i try to act like nothing happened but accidentally knock a girl who is holding the second pasta salad and she dumps the whole bowl over into the wood chipper and it disintegrates. it is sort of funy. then when i am in the living room i go to pull down a dvd from the ceiling and all the entertainment center stuff pulls down from the ceiling all around the room. i guess you are supposed to use a remote control to take down one thing at a time. ricks's dad comes in and fixes it. we decide we are going to leave instead of stayong for the play. it seems like no one really cares about the play. i'm not sure who was in it but it seemed like a distant cousin.

we are traveling italy by sea. we are somewhere and ancona is far away but no ships go there and you can only go by swimming. i am with another girl around my age and we are swimming. we start swimming toward acona in the middle of the night and i do not want to go. i would rather go during the day but we cant turn around. i think there is a shark. there is some kind of animal with a large fin rising out of the water. we also see dolphins.

2nd night back from spoleto, italy

i am on a trip woith my parents. i have bought a fish and somewhere i have gotten a large bird who sits on my shoulder and also a duck. i remember ive forgotten to feed them. we drive to the hotel where we have always stayed. i have a friend with me. i think maybe it is alex. my brother is there. when we get to the hotel we pass an aquarium and i think ill get worms to feed the birds there. my father drives onto the sidewalk and down the steps. at one point he careens off a staircase and i fall out of the backseat and fall onto a step where the ledge gets steeper and i almost fall off. half my belonging land on the step behind me and i have to stradle in between to get them but i am shaking and losing my balance. i start to cry. ken and kathy are there then and ken collects my things for me and makes aq comment. everyone thinks im a wussy for crying. when we get to the hotel we go to a movie. we are here for a family reunion which is in my parents backyard on south street and all my friends are there. chanel is sitting by the old climbing tree and she beckons me over to talk to her. i say ill be there in a minute and maria and someone else sit down next to her and start singing out of tune. i go to get a drink and end up going back to the hotel. i start to feel drunk. at the hotel i am in the bathroom and anson is there. we talk about how he and my brother get alo0ng and he goes into the other room and starts talking to erik. he says i can hear in your voice how we are alike with our anger or something but its not anger and then my brother replies that its something that begins with a b. then they get in some sort of argument. i think my parents like anson. i keep checking the bird on my shoulder to see if its still alive. i still havent fed it and realize its been four days. sometimes i forget it is on my shoulder but it is always on my shoulder.