in a classroom somewhere with will and other people in it , the class is revolving around madonnas ass, a big screen showing madonnas ass cheeks in a grey leotard , and then i am standing at the top of the class over a table with a guitar layed kind of on its back throwing flattened metal bottle caps across the top of the guitar kinda at will

and will comes up next to me and grabs my ass

then i am doing a show with heather mcdonald and chris franjola (who are playing on my phone in the waking world) and theyre talking to fast and my head and my mouth are like jello like i cant interject cuz theyre going too fast for me like leaving language entirely almost 

 go to some venue thats familiar and the guy from pod awful is there doing some kind of show but its in boston on my turf and im playing guitar on the floor and somehow i go into the bathroom and its full of shit everywhere and it gets all over me and my head and i go and brush it all on the pod awful guy and he gets very mad butt hurt upset that im ruining his show

rob potylo is there and talking to me and seems more mature and i feel a slight attraction to him and he tries to hook up with me but i dont hook up with him, i guess he was a part of the show too

there are lots of people there 

then vomit bitch and we are at some kind of outdoor show and then its a highschool reunion and jackie maynard likes me but doent like vomit , people start talking shit about vomit 

on vacation somewhere with my mom erin and leslie, somewhere like capri or italy-- light ocean tropical beaches-- and we keep going to the same restaurants like we're running out of restaurants to go to -- and we're going somewhere on the last night and we accidentally go to the same restaurant again and leslie and my mom say how i hug erin more than them and how uncle andy said the same thing and i say i realize that and i mean to hug them all more and want to get us all in a pile like the old days --

                                                            yesterday;

will somewhere, maybe somewhere cav is , looking for will maybe, at my parents house, petting chloe, upstairs and my mom is saying i need to get a dog, she knows about gilbie but i can see gilbie like he is there and fine right in front of me

                                                           day before;

 go to an arcade movie theater by myself and the movie starts and then the movie stops all of a sudden and a grey screen comes up and music starts playing like an intermission and there is a hungry hippos game in front of me and i start thinking i have time to play it during the intermission and first i try to put a euro in the machine and then i find a gold arcade coin and put it in and start playing and a dad in seats nearby kindof yells at me but i explain myself and we're ok, then i leave the theater and get lost and i have to go back up  a glass elevator to get back to the theater and then the movie is over and i missed it and everyone is leaving and i walk out of the theater in the crowd crying

                                                            day before;

austin rutledge comes over to my parents house and is upset about a movie, something, he leaves and im in my brothers room

going around knowing will is in town... knowing hes at some school somewhere... first i am working or something... and im drunk and i know hes there at this place but i dont want to go late at night when im drunk but maybe im also trying to find it... feels like im walking around a grocery store...

being somewhere else and it starts to feel stupid because i know will is near by so i go to the building

when i go to the building i go up stairs and theres a big group of people in a classroom sitting down at desks and will is in the classroom and i guess they are all taking some kind of test...

and i go in and walk around and people know me and will sees me

and somehow in the background they are playing my music and whatever song it is is almost acapella and kind of strangely paced and i am wondering if it is musical enough , feeling slightly

self conscious

i go in the room and walk around but i dont sit down and take the test, i think i just see will and leave

and then i am downstairs in the building by a back door and looking through a window and i see will and his gf julia and she is wearing a red shirt that says radisson inn or something, some kind of inside joke t shirt that means shes staying there at a hotel ? or they are staying together maybe

and will is taking pictures of her on a phone and shes smiling  

cav kids

yesterday;

go to CAV's fathers house, into a dark dark kitchen... and then his son is there ... and there is a cage on the table and its the sons cage and the son has a dirty diaper


last night;

go to a bright big semi- open house with CAV , guess its his ex wifes house, there is a woman kind of smiling staring at me, we are in the kitchen, shes at the end of the counter--

little girl madeline os sitting there and someone gives me string cheese ina packet and its like a block of cheese - orange and white - and the little girl madeline tells me how she feels about the cheese and how she eats it and i am eating the cheese

the young woman or some0one else is now right next to me to the left only she is a much older woman and i am wondering if this is CAV's ex-wife...

we go into a tv room and sit down on the floor and then a young woman comes into the room with a round face and brown hair and she is smiling and she starts talking to us about the kids, 

few days ago - flea market - mom friends - waiting - crying

random dream fragments from the past few weeks;

growing another toenail under my big toenail


few days ago;

at some kind of big flea market with lots of outdoor vendoors almost like a festival and im there with my mother and maybe chris is there somewhere and some other people or friends are there with us too but im there with my mom and standing there waiting for chris or whoever isnt there who is wandering around --- and i dont want to go anywhere for some reason, i just want to wait---

and then all the outdoor booths are closing and its something like the marshfield fair and suddenly i want to go around and look at everything i missed--- and i can feel all the booths closing down all around me and i can see them somehow--- and i start crying and getting hysterical , feeling like i missed it all --- and getting upset at my mother like its her fault 

antonia villa art gallery cafe mind video

at some kind of open art gallery cafe -- all white interior // open space // something like new alliance or a familiar familial art space--- a bar to the left of me-- almost like in fact it really IS channel cafe, the setup of the room and even the door that leads to stairs

there with someone - chris ? - talking, not many people there --- and i see antonia villa coming up  from the stairs through a door carrying a box in her arms

i realize she is moving out of her studio which must be through the door down the stairs--- still aware that its a suprise to see her and shes moved away and how is she here?

i call out to her and try to talk to her and she ignores me -- keeps moving out -- i go up to her and not even sure she talks to me then--

then i see her sitting in a chair on video like shes talking to the camera -- and i know im seeing her talking but that shes not talking to me somehow-- like some kind of mind video ---

and she is saying she loves me but something like she hates me or doesnt want to know me now because she wanted to be with me and doesnt want to be just friends

and there is something like a small chichuaha in her lap