janet jarva had a dream that we didn't unplug the mini christmas tree in the tv rom and woke up and came downstairs. we had unplugged it already.

12/18/16

big kind of thanksgiving party going on at my house. lots of people animals and things everywhere.

leslie is sitting at a picnic table outside by herself in the midst of the party.

she is wearing a wedding dress with her head in one hand and just kind of staring at a point in space.

i keep looking over at here from the crowd im in. my mom comes over and tells me to do something,

to pay attention to someone.

i go upstairs bc maybe i am needing to roll a joint or get a drink. i go in my room. i think its a mess.

i see little rodents. it turns out they are gerbils which my mom got for a specific reason but im not sure what that is.

there may be 11 of them.

they are sick or something is needed for them. my mom takes each of them and squirts some kind of orange fluid

in them or on them so they all have a trail of orange fluid. they are running around.

they look like stuffed animals in a way, like stuffed squirrels.

they are always sitting straight up and never walking on all fours.

this is what makes them gerbils.

i take too long in my room or something and then my mom is there, somewhere.

she is holding a sponge and angry. she is about to sponge down an orange-yellow plastic

tablecloth & she is about to cut into me about something i did or did not do.


(wake up & it turns out that my dad is in the hospital again)

amy winehouse is my best friend, shes at this party with me, some kind of family party.

we are partying and drinking. i think she is wearing a white tank top.

the party is partly outside. there is some kind of stage.

i can feel her energy & she is a comfort to me.

travis and i arguing... at some place to play a show... seems like a big high school... going into a practice room and i'm singing into the mic and the mic isn't working and i'm saying how travis doesn't care if i sound good or if anyone can hear me and he just fucks things up for me musically... and it seems like he is ignoring me and then being snarky...

and then i can notice he is turning into my brother...

and i am frantically trying to remember what songs we are going to play...

having to babysit and not knowing who i am supposed to babysit..either this asian kid with a mom who is very lax or kathy cook...my mom has bought a new house just for herself and i am in the house and there is nothing in it and one window in the dining room and i pen the window and all the other windows and the sun comes in very bright but doesn't light the whole room...

i am in my parents house in my room and kathy cook comes over and asks if i can babysit on friday for ryan and his friend and i say ok

then i accidentally go over there naked and i walk in and dan is also naked and telling ryan he looks good and ryan is a baby and they just look at me and i walk out

and then kathy cook comes out behind me and acts like everything is normal and says she is going to be going to therapy for a few hours on friday.

then in the practice room with joe mcarthy and ruby rose fox comes in and she is all upset... she eventually says "i got too aggressive" and i think i understand whats happening... i start talking about how hard it is once you start playing shows one after another and you just want to play the next show and keep going  but you have to stop... and you have all this pent up energy...

I get to the wemf radio station and it is a big municipal hall town hall type building and thee are lots of people outside and outside there are tables with lots of food on them. One table has all donuts and cakes and this thing that just looks like frosting in a cup. I take the frosting in the cup and start eating it but start to feel sick from all the sugar and realize there is some real food also. Something that looks like an eqq quiche in a long platter but looks maybe a little old and then Casey Desmond takes it and is scraping it out into the trash. Then a new egg and vegetable thing appears and I take some of that but it is divided by tortillas and I have to take several tortillas and put the on top of each other to get all the ingredients I want. There is a little kitchenettes when you go inside the building. I see cg there, coming in.

 There is some kind of goth looking girl sitting at one of the tables outside and I go and talk to he and it turns out she is a musician and needs help with something.

I go back in the building and I look. Up at the clock and its 1 o'clock and I realize I've missed the radio show I was coming to be on (at 11) and that I don't even know where the radio station is in the building.

I am in a room with Alvan. It is raining outside. It is raining outside the building and I decided it's ok that I haven't gone out. Alvan and I are in a long dark room. What are we talking about? Someone comes in. Someone comes in and sits down by the window and Alvan has them get up from where they're sitting. They leave the room. I am under a blanket. Then Travis comes in and is looking for his keys and Alvan has them and gives them to him. I become aware that I am under a blanket and naked and am wondering where is Frankas? And wondering if they can tell I am naked.

I am looking in a mirror and I have all these wrinkles I never had before,

(In real life I am naked under a blanket- is this part of waking up?)

Conscious vs. subconscious reality

(In real life I wake up at 12 and miss the wemf radio show with herb & Chris)

october 5 2016