new york church sarah lyle

in new york with i think sarah lyle walking through a mall where all the shops are closed like macys and all these big stores and theyve all closed down because no one shops at stores anymore

and its just a big empty mall like a ruin, that we used to know

walking through glass doors to outside and i am wearing these bright blue high heels that are so high and my ankles keep bending and rolling over like they're made of rubber or putty

and im looking at them still just trying to walk and notice the shoes are on the wrong feet

so i change them but they are still hard to walk in and im talking to sarah about how i dont know how all the ladies on ROBH do it everyday all the time

and i am thinking of lisa vanderpump

and i can feel v viscerally the blisters on my feet forming in the shoes as we are walking into a
church

to meet some people and we sit down at a table in the church and we are sitting with two kind of butch looking girls and i am thinking how everyone always eats out in new york

and how i dont want to live there because i want to stay home and save my money but the whole church table seating scenario is odd and droll and throwing off my dream reality

and one girl has bland blond curly hair parted down the middle no makeup earthy looking with a black t shirt with writing on it and then she mentions the mic that is happening tonight is her mic

and called something like willows and thinking she can put me on ---
somehow know that its a comedy mic

open studios

having open studios at my studio at western ave and my mom is there and uncle kenny is there and maybe more family

and i am running around and trying to get ready and set up my display

and mom and uncle kenny are there and they are getting in the way of things and putting me down, uncle kenny is saying oh well you know how jessies stuff is .... something negative

and i yell at them and tell them to go somewhere else and look at someone elses art

and uncle kenny looks guilty and they leave and go to another floor

then im in my studio and setting it up and have some cassette playing and someone wants to buy the cassette and im thinking how can i make a copy of any individual cassette anyone wants to buy

and it seems like steve kimock is there and loving the studio and the studio looks open and organized enough and experiential and you can move around in it, the vibe is good

and someone like bill dwyer but maybe not bill dwyer comes in and wants to buy 3 hats, and i am trying to take pictures of the hats before he takes them,

and they are very minimalist hats where i just wrote something on them-- one has a face upside down-- with a nose going over the top of the hat-- the other two say things on them i can almost remember , something about piss maybe

and i am quoting the hats at $25 -- thinking the total is $75 and worrying a bit about the charge but the guy loves the hats

(today in waking life jaws the girl tags me in a post on instagram wearing a hat i made which she bought at the sparrow when i played there last february)

12/26/2019 troy frog statue

                                                                     1.
i drive with my father to troy and take him and buy two beers somewhere and sit down at a picnic table in a small park in the middle of the city --- (its the same park i ended up at with the woman who i followed off the bus when i was on the bus in troy in another dream and james was there too and she was quoting bible verses to me )

my father is not drinking his beer and i am starting to get kind of anxious like i cant remember why i brought him all the way here

then i see the pond (where before in the other dream there was a huge real live frog sitting in the middle of it on a lilypad) i go over to the pond and see the frog but the frog is a statue and i can't believe that its a statue and before i thought it was a real frog

and i guess this is what i brought my father there to see

and i drink his beer and my beer

                                                                        2.
i go back to troy again this time alone and im on a street with a big median park in the middle and a street going the other way on the other side and everyone out on their stoops

and in the median park there is a black/hispanic guy with a boombox starting to perform his music

and again im almost not sure why im there but i meet some people on the stoops and talk to them

and then i go looking for artist studios or i meet someone who brings me there, somehow i end up with a crew of new people

there is a nerdy looking skinny blonde guy with freckles and glasses, we all go to an artist studio where we can see quiet looking asian people inside but the studio is closed

and we cant get in

it seems like travis is there then and driving the car and maybe we are leaving

the blonde guy with glasses becomes my boyfriend somehow and maybe i am moving to an artist studio in troy

eventually it seems like we get in

but then we are standing on the street and maybe travis there and maybe leaving--

and i am looking at a metal side rail to see a bird sticker i put there before or put a new one there now

(in waking life i tell my dad about the dream while driving to lynn city hall and he says there is a pond in troy somewhere near his fraternity house and he heard they are draining it, and then he tells me how a whale once swam up the hudson river there and i look up the whale but cant find out what happened to it)

IN MY brothers room in the dream and gilby is there going in and out of the bottom drawer and im trying not to close it and anytime i move it a little he comes running out

and there is a brown rabbit in the hallway and chloe and lightly there too and when i look in the hallway my dad going into the bathroom

and all the animals are getting along and dont need cages

and i am texting james but we are also in some vacation house on the water and i am looking at water and boats and guess im fishing and am going to text james this 

yesterday;

curt jarva downstairs with gilby about to put him in the trash and i have to stop him


last night;

at a party at new alliance and a bunch of guys are sitting on the floor drawing on the floor in crayon and they are drawing all robot heads and parts all connected in a big circle , one is a yellow robot head, and i come in and draw a more human girl head in green in crayon coming out from the circle and ethan is there and maybe drawing too and he is smiling and im saying oh no wait til nick sees this it wasnt me ! and we are kind of laughing

                                                                        I
with james leto in bed and making out and hes saying or im saying kissing is like a massage and just making out forever in my brothers room in bed (where im sleeping) and maybe having sex at some point and getting louder and im realizing were at my parents house...
                         
                                                                        II
go to this big auditorium with sid and sara silk is there and running some kind of program, its kind of like a pipe and drape job, setting up for something or taking things down, the room is mostly empty, and i am helping out and hoping we are gonna bond i guess but she is runniong around in charge of things and very cold to me and i dont know why... at some point there is a big piece of fabric on the ground and i pick it up and fold it and she tells me i did it wrong and this is the only thing she says to me... and sid notices and says something about it to me like she really doesnt like me and we are unwanted there... then whatever is going on is over and she walks behind a temporary wall and gabby 9what is her last name) from highschool (dark hair olive skin her dad was my soccer coach) is saying we are all celebrities and there are a bunch of girls i went to high school with there and they are all doing some kind of video / photo shoot together and sara silk is standing on a taqble or spomething at the top of the group that are all gathered around together in this box set, rose lombardo is there and im not sure who else and they are doing this video skit celebrating how they are all famous and i am just looking on and its like they dont even see me or acknowledge me... and me and sid walk away and i am thinking well maybe its just a video for soul cycle and then remembering sara silk didnt even go to high school with me and feeling v dejected

DREAMS FROM THE PAST WEEK

1. with someone who is like colleen shea at first and also like sinclair from tennessee and also like katie clancy by the end of the dream. with her and a guy who is like christian comeau and chris valverde. and we are all together and i guess they are in a relationship. i find myself attracted to the christian comeau / valverde. we are in one place and decide we are going to new york -- chris and katie leave somehow and i lam sitting in a chair that starts zooming through the air at the height of a plane --- it is very rocky and i am barely hanging on , it is very scary but i survive-- we end up in new york going to colleen sinclair katies mothers luxury apartment in new york city which is inside a big building that is like a grand hotel. we go to play basketball and the basketball court is a tiny circular platform with hoops on it and no guard rails and is maybe 100 feet in the air above the next floor. colleen is nervous about playing basketball on this platform. christian valverde kind of chides her is kind of mocking her or disgruntled and judging of this like shes a pussy or something. i say i am uncomfortable too.

we are walking out on the steps of the grand hotel luxury apartment and i ask her if the people know her here--

2. i am on a family vacation with artwerk666 with my dad and she is very grumpy and maybe we are sisters. she seems upset and is not talking and like maybe she hates me, we are in a car or on a bus at some point. my dad is there. i start to wonder if she is jealous over my dad or our parents, its like she wants to be with them and doesn't want me there but like maybe we are sisters

3. go to some crazy place a barroom some crazy event where i am supposed to play and bob dylan is there and i see him in  the crowd with a hat on leaning near a wood pillar close to the stage -- its a woozy kind of atmosphere -- i think he sees me play but i dont know

i go in the same place or maybe not and see myself in something like an orgy with people S-in my Ts

go into a bathroom and start to pee and its way more pee and pee pressure than is normal and the pee is coming back up and getting all over me